If you don’t know why you are married to your spouse, you may find it difficult to succeed. Don’t handle your marriage in a way that does not reflect the will of God for you. You must be sensitive to the leading of the lord.
Everyone is possessed by one spirit or another. Your success in life, especially in marriage, depends on the spirit that possesses you. But as a child of God, if you want to succeed as a husband, you must not follow the world but must be led by a different spirit, which is the Lord’s.
Marriage to your spouse is neither an accident nor a mistake. The circumstance of your getting married does not matter. That spouse may not be the best but if it is the plan of God that you stay married to her, stay there.
The road to success is laden with stones and brambles but you don’t quit because quitters never win.
“…Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning” Psalms 30:5.
Hang in there, discover the purpose for marrying your spouse and allow the Lord to fulfill it. Moreover, if you don’t set any goal for your marriage, you wouldn’t even know when you are succeeding. So, set for yourself goals, which are essentially to execute your God-given responsibilities to your mate in accordance with God’s agenda.
God expects every husband to be the spiritual head of his family and guide both his wife and children along Godly principles. That should be the goal of any husband desirous of success. When God made Adam and placed him in the Garden of Eden, prior to Eve’s emergence, He gave him a blue print of what is expected of him.
“And the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the lord God commanded the man, saying, of every tree in the garden thou mayest freely eat. But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die” Genesis 2:15 – 17.
It is clear that this command was expressly handed over to Adam before his coming together with Eve. Obviously, God expected Adam relay the instruction to members of his family and ensure that all obeyed; otherwise He would have waited for Eve to come before passing the instruction to both of them.
Sadly, Adam did not do what was expected of him or did not do it well and the devil took advantage of that and ruined the first family. If you do not wish to fail like Adam, you must assume the spiritual leadership of your home. Do not delegate the role to your wife except in your absence. Women can be easily deceived and abdicating this important responsibility for your wife is a sure invitation to failure.
You must ensure that you bring up your family in the way of the Lord, teaching and exhorting them.
“And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children…” Deuteronomy 6:6-7.
To underscore the importance of your spiritual leadership, Paul even said women should keep silence in the church but to seek guidance from their husbands at home.
“Let women keep silence in the churches for it is not permitted unto them to speak…And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.
Although certain developments may have watered down the impact of Paul’s injunction, there is still no doubt that as a successful husband, one of your key responsibilities is to present able spiritual leadership for your family. Could it be said of you that your wife is properly guided in serving the lord? You must lead and set worthy examples for her. When you successfully lead your family on the path of righteousness, then you can be said to have succeeded as a Christian husband.
Following closely to this is your willingness to take responsibility for your actions. Any responsible Christian husband should be willing to be held liable for his acts and shun buck passing. Adam refused to take responsibility for his failure to control his wife but he accepted the forbidden fruit she gave him. In fact, Adam shifted to blame to Eve and God.
“And the man said, the woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat” Genesis 3:12.
In other words, if God had not given him Eve, Adam was saying he would not have eaten the forbidden fruit. ‘So, God, you caused everything by giving me this woman.’ This is strange because it was like Adam had forgotten that it was in his very presence that the devil deceived his wife.
“…She took of the fruit thereof and did eat and gave also unto her husband with her and he did eat” Genesis 3:6.
Adam did not only fail woefully in shielding his wife from the enemy and walking out the devil from their home, he also feted on the evil gain of Eve’s liaison.
Adam missed out on the opportunity to admit his sin and plead for mercy when God came calling. Many Christian husbands make the same mistake today but it must not be you. You have to be humble and admit you are wrong instead of looking for a scapegoat like Adam did. It will not work that way because Adam also realised rather too late that shifting blames would not help his case.
A successful Christian husband should not be given to alcohol or other spirits. The bible is clear on the ill effects of alcohol and, of course, even in the world we live, evidences abound that alcohol is a destroyer. Hence, advertisers of alcoholic drinks also urge you to drink responsibly. The problem, however, is defining responsible drinking, for once one starts, he may not be able to judge his limits until he is well taken over and consumed. So, the best bet, at least, as far as Christians are concerned to keep off alcohol.
“Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging. Whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish” Proverbs 20:1; 31:6.
In other words, except you want to be deceived or to perish, make alcoholic beverages a no-go area in your life.
To succeed as a Christian husband, you must rein your temper. You must be able to restrain yourself when provoked. It is natural to be angry. In fact, the bible recognises that you can be angry.
“Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath” Ephesians 4:26.
So, the problem is not in getting angry but in managing the anger. An angry man that does not control himself is a threat to those around him. That is why the bible also warns you to bring it under subjection immediately.
“An angry man stirreth up strife and a furious man aboundeth in transgression” Proverbs 29; 22.
Suffice it to say, therefore, that self-control is paramount to succeeding as a Christian husband.
May be, your wife is unlovable because she throws up tantrums and makes life difficult for you? Nevertheless, you are mandated to love and dwell with her ‘according to knowledge’.
“Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” 1 Peter 3:7.
What knowledge, you may ask? Well, the knowledge that she is a woman and imperfect like any other person. The knowledge that she is in your custody, being her head, to be cared for and tolerated, even if she misbehaves, just like you would your little daughter; the knowledge that she complements and makes you a complete whole; the knowledge that God commands you to love her. Above all is the knowledge that she has the power to lock up your success, not necessarily by diabolic powers, but by bitterness of heart against you. Therefore, Brother Husband, smarten up if you want to succeed by giving your wife a pride of place in your heart because she is instrumental to your success in life and can actually ‘hinder’ you.
Some brothers get married even though they are not manly enough. The time you set out to get married, you must realise that you are branching out of extended family. You are part of the family root all the same; that is why you merely branched out and not cut off from the stem. Nevertheless, by virtue of what you have done, your wife now comes first before every other family consideration. If you still remain tied to the apron strings of your parents or siblings, it means you are not ready to succeed as a Christian husband.
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall be joined unto his wife…Wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh. What, therefore, God hath joined together, let no man put asunder” Ephesians 6:31; Matthew 19:6.
You must be man enough not to allow filial relationship to come between you and your wife. Doing otherwise is a sure recipe to failure.
An adjunct to being manly is your ability to take care of your wife and provide for her and the children, if any. The bible dismisses you if you are unable to do that.
“Now if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel” 1 Timothy 5:8.
Being resourceful requires hard work and commitment.You must not hesitate to do any legitimate business that will guarantee food on your family’s table. That way, you will win the respect of your wife and be counted among the men. But if you allow laziness or arrogance to rope you into poverty, you risk losing not only control of your wife but respect in the society as well.
“Deliver thyself as a roe from the hand of the hunter and as a bird from the hand of the fowler…How long wilt than sleep, O sluggard? When wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth and thy want as an armed man” Proverbs 6:5, 9-11.
You have to be up and doing to provide for your family and rescue both yourself and dependants from privation.
A successful Christian husband is content with his wife and is not given to the frivolity of going after other women, especially in this age where cheap sex and immorality are flaunted like coveted prize.
“Lust not after her beauty in thine heart neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread…Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned. Can a man go upon coals and his feet not be burned” Proverbs 6:25 - 28.
When you indulge in extra-marital affairs, you are inviting failure to your life and it will respond speedily. So, keep yourself within the confines of your marriage if you desire to succeed as a husband.
The aforementioned points are by no means exhaustive. There is much more that you can do to succeed as a Christian husband but if you observe these basics, you are already on the highway to success in your marriage.
Your success or failure as a Christian husband lies in your hands. God has appointed you to certain responsibilities to your wife. Invariably, you are carrying the destiny of your family. Whatever life you live cannot be beyond what materialises in your family. It is, therefore, a matter of deliberately choosing a lifestyle that would make or mar your marriage.
A lot of people marry without having a destination in mind. If you embarked on a journey without prior determination of where it would terminate or the road that would take you there, you would sooner discover that you would wander endlessly in rigmarole for a long while until you are lost forever or come to realise that you have been fooling around and retrace your steps. However, if you know where you are headed and determined to see it through, that is success.
Unfortunately, some Christian husbands fail to do what is expected of them and yet hope to succeed. But in God’s business, there is no short cut. Your marriage will be in a mess if it is not churning on divinely designated wheels, greased by the Spirit of God. If you missed God out, I pray you relocate to God’s grace and succeed as a Christian husband in Jesus name.