Finding Happiness in a Relationship

I’ve been married for close to 13 years and one way I know to be happy in a relationship is to accept your partner the way he (or she) is. If you don’t, misery awaits you in the relationship.

Most times, we date or marry people and try to change them into what we want them to be. It’s wrong! During courtship, check out your partner very well, if there is anything you don’t like about him (or her) and you realize you can’t cope with it if he (or she) doesn’t change, please put off the wedding plans. Never go into a relationship or marriage with the hope of changing your partner. It’s just not possible! Instead, try to see if you can cope with the situation and just let him (or her) be.

I can give you solid examples from my marriage. I’m an introvert while my husband is an extrovert but I let him be when he’s doing what he knows how best to do - socialize. He also loves to go out with friends while I like to stay at home, alone, writing articles of this nature but it’s never been a source of worry to both of us. We get along well because we’ve come to understand the things we both love and how we cannot do without them.

Secrets to Happy Relationships

So, if you’re frustrated with your relationship, take the following to heart:

  • Quit putting your husband or wife into the mould of perfection, it just won’t happen. He (or she) is as imperfect as any man or woman can be.
  • Quit trying to change him (or her) to fit into the mould of the man (or woman) of your dreams. Before marriage, we all have a picture and dream of how we want our spouse to look like, behave, work, etc but when the dream fizzles out in a real marriage, we become frustrated. Don’t do this to yourself. Accept him (or her) without reservations.
  • Try to make the best of the situation by striving to be the best partner out there. Initiate the changes you would want your partner to have. That way, you’d attract your partner to do the same.
  • As much as you’re a couple, please make room for individuality. Ditto for dealing with the kids, let them express their individuality. If you don’t see eye-to-eye on certain issues, don’t fret because you’re not supposed to be compatible; rather, you’re supposed to complement one another. Accept your differences; allow individual differences to flourish instead of forcing your partner to become who you want them to be. Variety, they say, is the spice of life.

What is the Key to a Happy Marriage?

Keys to Happiness in Marriage

Working on yourself to become the ideal partner. Look out for the things that please your spouse and do them. At the end of the day, the ball lies in your court. Don’t expect your partner t0 do much, if you really want to be happy together. I give another example from my marriage. As women, you know we work more around the house and sometimes, I feel my husband is not doing much around the house but if I objectively looked at it, I’d realize there are certain chores he does that I honestly cannot do, like fixing the car, which I hate. Since I stopped looking at things this way, I’ve been much happier around him. What I’m saying is; your happiness in a relationship lies in your hands and not in the hands of your partner. Even success coaches tell us to accept responsibility for our lives and destinies instead of blaming other people for how our lives have turned out. I knew this very early in life and realized the tremendous power it confers on you to change your situation around. So, in getting and maintaining a happy marriage or relationship, see yourself as a one-man riot squad; you stand a chance of succeeding that way.

How to Make Yourself Happy in a Relationship

  • Even though a relationship is a two—way thing, one way to make yourself happy is to BE YOURSELF. It sounds obvious but I’m amazed by the sheer number of women who pretend to be who they are not to make a relationship work. I’d say straight off; don’t do this to yourself. Be yourself at all times. Don’t try to change your life and the things you love to make a relationship work. You’d be miserable if you do.
  • Don’t be overly dependent on your partner. That’s another recipe for a disastrous relationship. If your entire life depends on a man (or woman), it’s unhealthy and a sign of insecurity. Build a life for yourself. Be independent; it helps you find happiness in a relationship.
  • Don’t expect your partner to fill a hole in your life because he (or she) is human and can disappoint. If you’ve ever been abused and have a gaping hole for true love, try to find that love before seeking for a relationship. No partner can love you enough, get love and look for people to share it with, instead of looking up to your partner to fill a void in your life because it just won’t happen.

Happy and Healthy Relationship Take-away

  • Be happy with yourself before seeking a relationship.
  • Be secure in yourself and independent in decision-making.
  • Let your partner be. Don't put him (or her) in a box of your expectations.
  • Take responsibility for your happiness in a relationship. Don't blame your partner or anyone for your current situation.
  • You're 100% responsible for your happiness in life and your relationship.
  • You can be happy in your relationship if you work hard at it.

If you're struggling with your relationship and want to improve it, get this book by Dr. Patricia Love and Dr. Steven Stosny. It's titled: 'How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It' and it reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness.

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This is the book to read if you want to be happy in your marriage. It shocks you with revelations such as love is more about connection than better communication; talking to your husband like you talk to one of your girlfriends would improve your marriage.