How to Become a Responsible Self Accepting Adult
What is self-accepting and responsibility?
Self-accepting is accepting who you are and taking responsibility for your own thoughts behaviours and feelings. This is a skill that you can acquire, but it can take time and effort to learn. Having responsibility for and to yourself is a vital aspect in personal development and the way you communicate with people. When you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings you are not trying to blame anyone. You are being full accountable for all your actions, thoughts and feelings.
Our thoughts and feeling are the effects of your behaviour. So, if you behave in a negative way, cause an argument through bad behavior, this will affect your thoughts and feelings. Your negative behavior can affect other people but it is their choice to decide how they respond and react.
It is Vital that you recognize that nobody is responsible for your personal thoughts and feelings and nobody can be blamed for anything you do. It is a matter of choice. You are doing thinking and feeling all by yourself.
This also works on the flip side because you cannot be held responsible for other people’s thoughts and feelings or behaviours. These are their responsibility. In a situation where you feel betrayed or let down by someone it is your choice how to respond, think and feel. The choice is yours and yours alone.
If you find out that a partner has been unfaithful, you have choices. You may decide to hit them (not a good idea). Cause damage to their possessions or simply walk away calmly. These are possible behaviours that you chose display as repercussions of the decisions that your partner made to be unfaithful. How you respond and behave is a matter of choice that you and only you can make. Part of self-acceptance is taking ownership of this.
You may say things like “I will get them back and have an affair” or “I will never be the same in this relationship now the trust has gone” or “sod you, it’s your loss, bye”. Again your words are a way to reflect what you are thinking. Thoughts are your thoughts; nobody can make you think anything. This is a matter of choice and is your responsibility.
Feelings are created not just from your partner’s unfaithfulness but from the thoughts you have about the disloyalty. Your own values, morals and beliefs around relationships and loyalty will also be tested. You could feel betrayed, lonely, isolated, hurt, heartbreak, sadness, anger, pain or elation and joy. Again these feelings are yours and only you are feeling them. It really is a matter of choice. There will also be the attachment to the trust and the relationship itself that will bring about feeling so loss, which is expected.
Your partner is not responsible for your thoughts, behaviour or actions, despite their behaviour being the catalyst for what you are experiencing. The same applies to your partner it was their choice to commit adultery. They made the decision (thought) to start a relationship with someone else (behaviour) and felt “OK”, among other things . They acted in a way that was productive for them at the time. This is not your fault! Acceptance to this fact could ease the emotional minefield. It was a choice they made.
Before the affair your partner also had choices. They could have talked to you about what was going on before the affair amounted to anything. They could have stopped any flirtatious behaviour, stopping it before anything started. They could have ended your relationship before starting another one. But the fact remains that they made the decision to engage in another relationship while they were in a relationship with you. Therefore, your partner cannot hold you responsible for their actions, it was their choice.
As mature adults we are responsible for our own behaviour, thoughts and feelings. Take back your power and stand-up tall, take responsibility and become self-accepting.