Whether it's your first love or the fifteenth, it's never easy to be dumped by a significant other. But you certainly aren't suffering alone. Tons of people find themselves breaking up with their boyfriends or girlfriends each and every day. It's especially painful, however, when the break up wasn't mutual and it was left out of your hands. Here's some do's and some don'ts if you've recently been "let go" by a lover.
DO: Connect with your friends.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend was never the only thing in your life. Don't suffer in silence, thinking things are your fault. Allow your friends to be a part of your healing process. A big mistake a lot of people make after being dumped is they withdraw into their depression and have no motivation to do anything. Some people blame themselves for not being good enough. The fact is you still have friends that think you are. Credit: http://resources2.news.com.au/images/2012/09/16/1226475/043014-friends.jpgLet them help you get your mind off things.
If you're a girl, maybe you can go shopping together. Have a sleepover and pamper each other. Better yet, have your friends give you a make-over. It'll make you feel as pretty as you did when your relationship began and nothing speeds the process of moving on better than a brand new look!
If you're a guy, get together with your bros and watch the game. Have a gym buddy for the day and take out your aggression on weights and exercise. Play sports. Have a guys night out. Your buddies are there for you and though guys tend to have trouble communicating their problems to one another, rest assured that they do understand. Don't be ashamed to use your friends to take your mind off the blow to your ego. Though they may not admit it, they do hate to see you sad, and they are willing to do things to make you yourself again.
DO NOT: Hook up with your friends.
Letting your friends take your mind off the break up is a great idea, but there is such a thing as going too far. The last thing you want to do is use one of them as a rebound. This goes for boys or girls; don't fill the void created in your heart with sex--or even just make-out sessions--from one of your long time friends. It won't be fair to either of you later, when you realize it's too early to be starting a new relationship. The best thing to do is avoid romancing or messing around with anyone for a while. This is especially true for people you've already been friends with. You'll most likely just wind up messing up a friendship that you'll really need in your time of recovery. I know it's not easy to resist any emotional urges after a break up, that's why rebounds happen. But be strong and resist that urge!
DO: Distract Yourself with Healthy Hobbies
Another way to help you on the process of recovering from being dumped is to indulge in healthy activities. Maybe there was something you used to like to do that your significant other didn't, like sports or outdoor activities. Maybe you had ideas for things to do but never really had the time to do them, such as exercising, crafts, cooking, or fiCredit: http://www.clipartillustration.com/royalty-free-image-1632/clipart-illustration-of-orange-man-lifting-weights-exercising-muscles-workout.jpgxing up the home. Read that good book you've been hearing about, or check out that sensational new video game or movie. One good thing about being single again is many people find themselves with a lot more time than they had when they had a significant other. That means all the things you thought about doing but didn't have the time or motivation to do, you now have time to do them. Work up the motivation! You'll feel great that there was something you could accomplish on your own, and that will help the process.
DO NOT: Indulge in Bad Habits
The easier way out by far is to begin masking your pain with some poor, unhealthy habits instead of good things. Drinking or smoking more, indulging in drugs, overeating, oversleeping; all of these are things you will find it easy to do right after being dumped. It's important to stay healthy and do productive things, otherwise you will just feel worse about yourself. Avoid instant gratification and partying. You don't want to make bad decisions now more than ever. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but the only healthy way to move on from your break up is by proving to yourself that you don't need your ex to make the right choices. It'll make you feel less guilty and more independent, and that is what's most important in the time after being dumped.
The next two are the most difficult and also most important so pay close attention:
DO: Try to Reconnect with Your Ex
I know that it sounds crazy, but you'll probably benefit from being friends with your ex. Let's face it, particularly if you were together for a long time, then you both should have a pretty good understanding of each other. The level of connection you two have formed presents the opportunity for somebody that could be a very helpful, very loCredit: http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/182049_10151094801446556_1982819528_n.pngving friend. And losing that opportunity would be a shame. Sometimes your ex will just be adamant about not being friends with you, and that's fine. But if you have the chance, you might as well take it.
If you couldn't get along with them you would've never been together in the first place, so you're perfectly capable of continuing a long, fruitful relationship outside of the romantic sphere. Plus, doing this is the ultimate test of whether or not you can let them go, which is the most important step of the break up process. The tricky part is the timing. You cannot do this too soon, when there are still feelings for them, which brings me to...
DO NOT: Try to Get Back Together with Your Ex
I hate to say it, but I know this one from experience. This is what happens if you try to reconnect with your ex too soon, or if you can never think of them as "just a friend." You'll spend all your time and energy trying to win them over, changing yourself to what you think they want you to become. The whole time, you'll be torturing yourself over why they dumped you in the first place, never accepting that you just weren't meant to be. The bottom line is: don't make it a goal to re-date your ex. Especially if they were the ones doing the dumping. All you'll be doing at that point is stunting your emotional growth, and you'll wind up creating a need for them in your life. You just won't feel yourself without them, and that's very very bad.
Don't misunderstand, I know that sometimes people break up because it just wasn't the "right time" for them to be together, but my point is that you shouldn't ever make it your goal to get back together. The important thing to do is move on so you can grow as a person, and value your self. If things are meant to be between the two of you, let nature run its course. Your ultimate goal should always be your own happiness, and you can't rely on someone else to give it to you.
So if you just do the DO's, and don't do the DO NOT's, then I promise you'll be on your way to a bouncing back from being dumped. Always remember that you're a good person no matter what they said, you just weren't the right person for them!