A new baby in the home is an enormous adjustment. You can find yourself overwhelmed by the amount of care that is given to an infant. Along with the huge physical pressures put on new mommies, there is the mental reconstruction to the entire thought process. There is an enormous amount of responsibility and pressure that plagues the mental thought processes as well. There are times when new moms have feelings of guilt. This is mommy guilt. The question is how to deal with mommy guilt and get over it.
Searching through the web there is a massive network of support to be found on the web. Single mothers support groups, single mom forums, single working moms, stay at home mom support groups and even blogs for moms that can offer comfort, conversation and a sense of belonging with being a mom.
Numerous support groups for new moms are fashioned around the single mom theme. A support group can be found quickly on the Internet that suits the happenings in any life as a new mother. One support group that you cannot locate among the thousands available is one that touches on a taboo subject that many people never speak of, mommy guilt. Having mommy guilt and how to get over it doesn’t seem to be a subject that many speak of. Though, there are ways of how to deal with mommy guilt.
Mommy guilt is not a rare condition and many women suffer after the birth of their baby. While moving to the new role as a mother and caregiver for a baby, guilt is an emotion that cannot be avoided, but is felt by all.
This particular emotion can be enhanced as pregnancy hormones return to normal and emotions that were teetering with those hormones do too. Eventually these mommy guilt feelings that are twisting around in the gut will go away. Getting to the bottom of mommy guilt and managing these emotions as they dissolve is necessary for a new mommy and baby to live a happy life
These are several of the things that will trigger a guilt trip for new moms and how to get over it.
1) Working mothers with not enough time
It takes time to do everything. Nearly all mothers are in agreement that they have no time to do just about anything. The 24 hours received in a day are never enough. Working mothers really feel the crunch as they know there is a paycheck earned as well as taking care of the home and the new bundle of joy. Though, they would like to cuddle and hold a bundle of joy for hours at a time, they cannot. The paycheck is required to sustain the household.
Most working mothers will feel guilty about working and not having enough time on their hands to spend with their babies.
Answer: there has been terrific feedback from study after study comparing working mothers to stay at home mothers that have discovered an answer. Working mothers tend to spend more quality time with their new babies and children because they realize their time is limited.
This means although spending eight hours a day with a baby isn’t necessary to give it the attention it deserves and needs. Don’t feel the guilt. The time spent with a new baby is limited, but the time spent with the baby as a working mother is invaluable and quality.
2) Not feeling you good enough
Measuring mothering skills against the expert advice, grandmother, the neighbor, a sister or even grandmother is guilt that is felt.
Answer: everyone is constantly comparing one thing to another. What is the best car seat? The best baby foods? What is the best diaper?
Always bear in mind those that seem ideal are more than likely not. No one is perfect, even grandma. There are always some slips and falls with any mommy both new and old when it comes to raising and taking care of kids and infants.
Do the best that you can and heed the advice of who would know best, you. Trust instincts and put the best foot forward. More likely than not you are good enough and allow room for improvement.
3) Other emotions that rear their heads
Being a parent isn’t all fun and games. There are times when other emotions surface such as disappointment, anger, resentment and worry. Perfection is one of the worst. These are all normal.
Answer: emotions are not something that can be stopped. However, how you handle emotions are is more important than having them. Not one new mommy is perfect. Set realistic expectations on all things related to this new cycle in life and emotions that seemed overwhelming are controlled and eventually dissolved.
4) Natural reactions to situations
Natural reactions to situations come up and occur. For an example, spilling the bottle of milk in a diaper bag packed and ready to go out for the day and feeling anger. Forgetting the baby’s favorite toy and feeling worthless. Sleeping through the alarm and running late feeling stressful. These are all natural reactions which generally come quickly without warning or thought.
Answer: we are back to the feeling of perfection. Don’t apologize for having a natural reaction to unexpected feelings. This is normal.
New moms make mistakes. There is no magic handbook to download that encompasses everything and anything about being a new mommy as you raise infants into kids. Feelings of guilt and how to handle them as a new mommy will take practice and things will get better as time goes on. Selling yourself short will not help.
Note-if feelings of guilt run a bit deeper. If feelings of guilt are overwhelmingly strong and you cannot find an answer to deal with it, professional advice and help is warranted. Don’t be afraid to seek it out for the good of a new baby, your family and more importantly yourself. Discuss these feelings with your physician for more help. This could be a sign of a more serious condition identified as post partum depression.