Making The Best Relationship With Your Children Possible
Your Children Love You
If you have children than you know all about your children loving you. I think that it is one of the proudest moments of my life when my son looked at me and said, "Daddy, I love you."
Wow, it just gives me goose bumps. I love that little guy. And they love us.
So what is hard about having a relationship with them if they are already genetically predisposed to loving us?
Not Enough Time!
I start feeling so guilty because I just can't spend the amount of time with my son as I would like. I would love to spend all day with him, but it just isn't possible.
In the morning, when I wake him up or my wife does, he always says that he wants to stay home today and play with us. Man it is hard to go to work with that kind of encouragement. Then, I get home and he is in bed because it is past his bed time.
Then something begins to happen. You start noticing that he/she is not listening to you are acting strange around you.
They become violent and seem like they are acting out just to get your attention.
It usually happens when you out so you have to discipline them but you feel even worse because all you are doing is yelling at them.
You realize that the time you have for your relationships with your children is seriously lacking. Then the trap comes. Since you feel so bad, you start to compensate by giving in to certain things like bed time or not disciplining them the right way.
All of a sudden, you feel like you have a monster on your hands. You ask yourself what happened to my sweet child? What happened to the little boy who said, "I love you daddy"?
One of the hardest things to do is be completely honest with ourselves when it comes to what we are not doing as parents. Here are some truth's we have to admit to.
- The truth is that your child wants you to grow that relationship between the two of you and there has not been the time to do so.
- The truth is you are not putting the effort into finding way to grow that relationship with your child.
- The truth is you are blaming your child for your lack of time.
- The truth is that your child loves you and only wants to play with you and they do not understand why they aren't allowed to.
- The truth is you resent your job because you are there and not home with your children.
There are many ugly hurtful truths about how we feel when it comes to our relationship with our children. No wonder we make concessions for them. We are carrying around a ton of guilt.
So the question is, how do we develop a better relationship with our children? We don't have the time.
How To Develop That Relationship With Your Children You Want
What can we do if we don't have the time? You have to start thinking of time as being relevent to the event and not the act.
Got that? Try this. Is it that we don't have the time to build a relationship with our children or is it that we think we don't have the time?
It is most definitely the ladder. We have all the time we need to have a good relationship with our children if we just apply a few things when we are with them.
Here is a list of things you can do to develop that relationship:
- Ask Them About Their Lives - Simply ask them about how their day went and have a genuine conversation with them. Be interested in what they are telling you. Ask questions about what they are telling you. This takes no time at all and the rewards are more than imaginable.
- Play With Them For 15 Minutes - How many of us actually shut off the TV and play with our children at all? Playing with your children for 15 minutes is all it takes. Besides that you are having fun and they are having fun, you are building a bond with them. They start to understand that they are apart of your day, not a nuisance.
- Let Them Ride With You To The Store - This may seem trivial, but how many times have you had to go to the store and left your children home with your spouse so you could be fast? It happens a lot. Instead of leaving them at home, take them with you. It is great one on one time. You can talk or simply just be together.
- Sit Outside While They Play - If you get home with any light left in the day and it is nice out, there is no reason you are not outside with them doing something. You can sit and watch them play or just go for a walk.
- Make Dinner Together - If your child is anything like mine, they want to help. It is their way of trying to spend time with you. They are engaged with you. I will warn you. It will take patience on your part and you will have to really be aware of what they are doing, but give them a task and let them be in the same room with you. My son loves being in the kitchen with us while we are cooking.
- Have Pretend Time - I think this is my favorite time of the day. Pretend with your children. Create a story, dress up, stomp around, let their imagination and yours run wild. This allows them to see apart of your life in which most people never get to see. They will recognize that and it will bring them closer to you. Then you will have something that is truly unique to your family. It will be your own "inside" family joke.
- Read To Your Children - My wife and I have tried to do this every night since our son was born 3 years ago. It doesn't always happen, but we are pretty good at doing it. Now he expects us to read to him and it has become apart of his daily routine. He knows that mommy and daddy will read to him and that brings him closer to us by confirming that he can depend on us.
- Discipline With Out Anger - This has been the most challenging thing that I have had to do. But it bares so much fruit. You actually grow closer to your children by disciplining them. The reason is people psychologically do better with rules. It is easier for your children to know what they can and can not do and what the consequences are instead of them just getting in trouble because they are bothering you. If you discipline without anger, they will learn not to use emotion when dealing with their problems and grow up with less stress.
Developing a positive relationship with your children is not rocket science. But it does take some dedication.
Your children, just like all of us, want to know that someone loves them. We can show them that by taking an interest in their lives. If you can do this, you will have a great relationship with your children for the rest of your lives.
I hope this has helped. As always, please leave your comments below so we can discuss them.