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How to Find a Christian Man - A Guide for Single Christian Women

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First Date
Credit: Liz West

A female duck on the hunt for the right duck.

How a Single, Christian Woman Began the Search for Love

Almost 29 years passed without my friend going on a date. She had graduated in the academic top ten in high school, attended and graduated with honors from a Southern California Christian university, and lived in a suburb near Sacramento. Even so, love escaped her.

After learning about an old crush’s marriage, she wept and prayed to her heavenly Father to take away the pain and bring someone into her life. Then, to her surprise and discomfort, the Christian Mingle advertisement on television came to mind. “It’s your turn,” said the old man on the screen.

My friend decided then and there. Checking her checkbook, she found she had enough money and opened an account on the Christian online dating service website. She knew what she wanted in a man – patience, affection, and faith – but she really wanted a man with a solid faith.

Duck Dynasty
Credit: Mike Mozart

She wanted to forego the Duck Dynasty beards.

What the Single, Christian Woman Found on Her First Try

Many of the men on the website looked and sounded questionable in their spiritual walk. She disliked men with too many tattoos, overly scruffy facial hair, and poor dressing style. In short, if a man had a mermaid on his forearm, a beard like seen on Duck Dynasty, and a white tank as public wear, then she skipped him.

Then she came across a man who professed to have a great love for God and seemed to know his Scripture. She took a deep breath, bit her bottom lip, and sent him a smile. He responded almost immediately, and so two weeks of messaging began.

My friend was head over heels over this man online. After some insistent questioning from me, she professed to being disappointed over his appearance and wondered about his tendency to push her to do things which didn’t come naturally to her. Other than these two things, she could find no fault in the man.

Church
Credit: vishal charles

They first met at his church.

Meeting a Man from Online for the First Time

When the man initiated a meeting at his church after two weeks of messaging, she accepted. Knowing the dangers involved, she communicated her anxiety over meeting him in person and tried to cancel. He insisted, and soon she and I headed to the Bay area to meet this “almost perfect” man.

Based on my observations, he was likeable enough on the first meeting. He was charming and able to speak well and pleasantly. The meeting concluded well enough, with my friend being smitten, albeit very anxious. Another meeting would follow.

Messaging
Credit: Joris Louwes

My friend messaged him constantly.

How Not to Act Between the First Meeting and the Next

My friend took no care in toning down her tendency to express her every anxious thought. She should have shared these thoughts with me from the beginning, but she took them to the man. When he expressed his wish for her to meet his friends, she exploded, begging for a meeting with him alone.

To this day, I don’t know the details. However, when he finally agreed to see her one-on-one, he acted like anything but a man with a solid faith. He appeared an hour late, bombarded her with relentless questions, and then told her to see a Christian counselor.

After another week or two, she learned about his feelings for another young woman, but he had already discarded my friend. He broke her heart. Even when the man ranted about all her inadequacies as a human being, my friend thought too highly of this man to see his inexcusable behavior.

Happy Couple
Credit: Victor

She met someone new, and he was a gentleman.

What to Look for in a Christian Man

Thanks to support from her family and friends, she continued to date online and eventually found a suitable young man. The two men actually knew each other, so when she met this new young man, she felt comfortable enough to meet him alone for the first time. When I saw her after this first date with this so-so guy, she was positively blooming with joy.

Unlike the pushy Bay Area man, this new young man acted out his faith. He respected her person, her character, and her failures. He held open doors for her pass, walked beside her on the sidewalk, and showed genuine interest in her answers to his polite questions.

In addition to his humble demeanor and respect for others, he was actively involved in his church body. He attended several times a week, both to learn and to serve. When my friend asked to study the Bible with him, he readily agreed and imparted many ideas unto her. He acted like a follower of Christ.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend
Credit: Jane Rahman

They are now in one of the happiest relationships in my acquaintance.

The Lessons Learned from a Single, Christian Woman

My friend now tells all the single women at our church to look for men who respect them. If a man can respect an average, fallible neighborhood girl, then he can adequately serve the Kingdom of God. Men who merely know their Bible don’t always act like God would have them act.

Having passed her 29th birthday, my friend now calls this new young man her boyfriend. They get along grandly, and she thanks God for taking away her loneliness. Now she prays for all the other single, Christian women out there who are looking for a potential partner.

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