10 Ways to Get Over an Ex-Love
The traces, memories, and of course the tortuous scents of an ex-love can hang around long after the relationship has ended, turning up everywhere, lingering in our belongings, our minds and worst of all: in our hearts. Getting over a breakup and forgetting an ex-love can be difficult especially when the moments of closeness, intimacy and laughter or replaced by the hollowness and emptiness that we feel when they are no longer a part of our reality. But with time we can stop missing and although we don´t believe it or don´t want to believe it, we can move on and begin to do the things that we thought we would never be able to do again. In fact we have to get over the relationship. We cannot drag the past with us forever. We have to move ahead for our families, our friends, but most importantly, for ourselves.
The following advice can help you through the painful and necessary healing process of getting over the breakup, but first a word of caution:
You are going to cry. You are going to cry in the shower. You are going to cry in the car on your way to school or work. You are going to cry when you get home and feel the empty reality of your quiet apartment. You are going to hurt, but that´s O.K. This is normal and although not fun, healthy and good.
Advice for Getting over a Breakup: 10 things you can do:
1. Be honest. You have to respect yourself enough to not lie to yourself or live in denial. Accept that the relationship has ended, knowing that the pain is only temporary and believing that the future holds goods things for you.
2. Do not idealize or romanticize. See things clearly and do not color the past with emotions or idealized memories, painting them to be more perfect than perhaps they actually were. Remember that nothing is perfect and of course there were some bad moments in the relationship as well. Remember the bad times.
3. Forget about their birthday. Do not remember anniversaries. This is a recipe for disaster. Do not stay at home on these days. Go out with friends and have fun. Hang out with your family and talk about some goofy childhood memories.
4. Remember that our lives are filled with never ending challenges and this breakup that you are going through and that You Will get over just happens to be one more added to the long list of normal life challenges that we all go through.
5. Do not look at the relationship as time lost. View it as a life experience, one of thousands and thousands that you will have, and learn from it. How will my next relationship be better?
6. Clean out your life. Invite some friends over (with a bottle of wine perhaps) and clean out your closets, bathroom, and drawers. You do not want to run across a Valentine’s Day card, or a T-shirt, or a tooth brush etc. Throw it away. If you can´t, at least ask a friend to take them and hide them until you can deal with having the memories in your life again.
7. Fill your life with healthy activities. Go to the gym, do yoga, learn Spanish, go to the spa, change the color of your hair to that color you have always wanted but he didn’t like…pink perhaps.
9. Do not sit waiting for a call that IS Not going to come. Call a friend, call your mom, your brother, your sister, and get out of the house or have them come over.
10. You do not have to avoid talking about the relationship. Let it out. Talk about the good and the bad. Let it go by like a movie, until you see the end.
And lastly, love yourself. Respect yourself. Know that everything will work out as it is meant to be. Believe that everything is according to plan even if you do not understand or want it to be so.
Take care of yourself.