How to Help Someone with Depression

0sarakastic0 | Nov 25, 2011 |

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I don't really know which feeling is more helpless; being depressed or trying to figure out how to help someone with depression. Both sides can feel helpless, angry, and just plain lost. When you’re depressed you may feel like there is no point or that you can never get better. When a loved one is depressed you’re stuck with feelings of frustration and just knowing that the person has to help themselves.

Helping Someone With Depression

Helping someone with depression entails acknowledging that you can’t treat it yourself. There might be a temptation to pass along self-help books or share your own experiences. At least we don’t live in the age of the mentality of “Just be happy” anymore. Instead, recognize that this is a real medical condition. Whether you need to direct the person to a hotline or a doctor depending on the time of day and how dire the situation is: don’t treat depression lightly.

How to Deal with Depression: Tips for Dealing With Depression

One of the more destructive things that you can do is just discount it. I usually advocate self-help for pretty much everything in life: except depression. It’s just too dangerous. You don’t have the months it would normally take in order to find a legitimate natural healer; go through herbs, or just read empowering books. Doctors and therapists can usually give more immediate help without as much trial and error.

Coping with Depression

If you are the person coping with depression then try to be grateful. Don't lie or put on a happy face because this can be dangerous. Just recognize that there are people in the fight with you and acknowledge that it's also difficult for them.

Living With Someone With Depression

Once the person has started therapy or medication don’t expect immediate results. Also don’t expect the person to be exactly who they were before. Simple phrases like “I don’t know who you are anymore” can actually end up really hurting the person and set them back. While depression is pretty much negative all the way around you may be able to turn it into an overall positive life experience. This is time for a person to grow, explore, and figure out who they are and what they need in their lives. Then their friends and family can support positive behaviors like going back to school.

Set boundaries. This isn’t an ideal situation for either party. You should ensure that the person doesn’t get in the habit of belittling you or taking advantage of you. This is also why it’s helpful for you to encourage that they seek medical treatment. If you are going to listen to their problems or be an outlet for them then make sure that they don’t just get away with whatever they want or try to blame it on you.

Get your own support system. This may prevent you from sliding into a depression yourself. If a spouse is suffering try getting your own counselor or going through therapy with them. Then you will be better equipped to understand and also ensure that you don’t get run down yourself. It’s not a situation where you can do it all by yourself if you’re dealing with someone with severe depression.

Understand that there will be set backs. There will be bad days. There will be times where no progress is being made. That doesn’t mean that you should give up the fight because it can just be the nature of depression.

Be stable. Simple phone calls or hugs can assure the person that you are still there even though it might not be their finest moment. It can be very reassuring and empowering to the person to know that you are in this fight with them. A lot of people experience a sense of abandonment when going through this. They might feel like they are a downer or that they have nothing of value to offer. Help the person see the good in themselves whenever possible. If you talk to a therapist about it then this can be part of the boundaries you set. You might ask the person to not argue with them when they give you a compliment. They might lose some of their closest friends. A lot of this has to do with the fact that the person might just not be going out anymore. I think this is usually what you do when you try to figure out how to help someone with depression. You may say that they just need to get out more, or you just need a job. Think about it though: happy people can usually be happy anywhere. The same thing goes for the opposite situation. It does have something to do with your environment but it’s also an inner struggle.

That doesn’t mean that it all has to be serious. Ask the person what they miss about their life and try to recreate that even if it’s a simple walk in the sunshine or a day out shopping. You can’t take over their life or schedule so many activities because this can act as a mask at times. However, there can be a process where it feels like you are entering the world again; and this can be scary. It can be intimidating to go back to a group of friends or coworkers when you’ve been gone for awhile or you retreated socially before. This is where friends and family can help the most.

If you want to understand depression then think about what life would be like if everything was overwhelming. What would you do if even getting dressed seemed beyond you? It’s easy to be on the outside and say that the person is acting lazy or ungrateful. Instead, you can just make sure that they have the opportunity to help themselves. This may mean that you spend time driving them to the doctor’s office or helping them cook better meals or go grocery shopping. These practical approaches can also be empowering for you too.

Every friendship and relationship can be rocky. You will find that when you do make it through this journey successfully that your relationship is a lot closer than you may have ever imagined. Medical treatment is necessary for this and the more that you can support the person in that, the more helpful you will be. Ultimately it is the other person’s decision but you can foster an environment where that decision is easy to make.