Most of us would agree that it would have been better to be honest and outright of our feelings than to find out you were cheated later on. Unfortunately, many would rather do the latter than be honest about it.
That scenario I understood because I experienced it. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me via email. I tried to get in contact with him so we could talk, so I can know the reason for the breakup and have closure. He never showed his face to me again. He hid from me. Worse, he said bad things about me to our mutual friends. Later I discovered he was going out with his ex-girlfriend while we were still together.
A friend told me, “Heartbreak happens. Experiencing one is painful but to be left hanging to its cause is like he is killing you softly."
He was my first boyfriend and it took me about a year to get over him. My mind was in a limbo-like state while going through daily life. I took on new activities to distract myself from the pain not noticing I was changing into another person.
Here were activities I did then to alleviate the heartache and hopefully others will find these helpful too:
1. Cry all you want
You are entitled to cry your heart out. You are hurt so why lie to yourself and appear macho about it. Letting go of the tears will later make you think and deal with the situation in a calmer manner than when your emotions are on all-time-high.
2. Listen to heartbreak music
Whether you are listening to music that will make you cry more or make you believe that “What goes around… comes around”, heartbreak music are good companions and will keep you from punching a hole on your wall (hopefully).
3. Have a massage
A heartbreak is a very stressful time in one's life and what best way to relax but to have a massage. The sense of touch is helpful to ease stress not only from your body but also for your soul.
4. Contain the news with 'true' friends
There will be moments when you can’t help but rant about your cheating ex to everyone around you. This is the part you will know who your real friends are. They will act as your rant sponges, they will be extremely loyal to you, they will provide advice and they will know when to be harsh at you when you need to stop. Only real friends can do that.
5. Beware the booze and the rebounds.
Having a glass or two is okay but to empty a casket will make you weepier and cloud your judgement. The last thing you need is to be tipsy then calling your ex just to make a fool of yourself.
Many say rebounds are a good way to forget about the pain but personally, I think this is no good advice when you are completely aware that the relationship will not last long because he/she is only a temporary respite for a broken heart and ego. Spare yourself the hurt and awkwardness later on.
6. Lose yourself to a movie
According to an article, going to a movie makes your stress levels go down to a 7 or 6. It helps to get caught up with another story than your own. I somehow agree to this as I became a movie buff after the breakup.
Exercise increase the activity of serotonin and/or norepinehrine and stimulates brain chemicals fostering growth of nerve cells - but also on an emotional level, because you are taking charge of your mind and body. I took on a Zumba regimen plus I grew very fond of my hoola hoop. From exercising and eating healthy with less carbs than I normally would, I became thin and felt more confident in my body. I felt more energized too.
Contrary to how others dealt with heartbreak, I didn’t indulge myself with ice cream or any other sweets. I didn’t do it on purpose. I happen to be one of those people who lost their appetites during great emotional turmoils. I didn’t eat much meat and carbs. I regularly had water, fruit tidbits and yoghurt.
At first I thought my lack of appetite was okay because I gradually grew thin and grew more confident in my body. But I almost became anemic from lack of enough iron.
After a few months or learning my lesson I became a foodie. Restaurant hopping became one of my favourite hobbies. I indulged in trying out different cuisines while maintaining my physique. I gained a few pounds back which was alright for my health. I was happy trying good food with good friends.
So even when dealing with a heartbreak, do yourself a favor and eat correctly. Dealing with a breaking heart is bad enough but dealing with bad health is worse.
9. Have a make-over
Feeling confident over my physique I thought of having a make-over to complete the transformation. I had my straight hair curled. From tad normal casual clothes I bought stylish ones. From dressing conservatively, I learned to be daring and comfortable with fashionable items. I remember feeling positive and comfortable in my own skin. From a simple make-over I felt empowered.
So you can’t be a professional model. Big deal. Together with your friends, head over to a location, dress-up, make-up and pose like you were part of America’s Next Top Model.
Together with some friends, I went to a beautiful casa (mansion) in Tagaytay, Philippines to have our photos shot by our photographer friend. Living the life of a model for a day works wonders to your confidence.
11. Learn to honour the process
While mulling over the heartbreak, my then best friend (now husband) told me to honour the process. He told me not to rush moving on but to feel and go with the pain. I did and it took a long time to get over my cheating ex since he was my first love. In a way, I was grateful for the heartbreak because I transformed into a person I didn’t know I could be. I also required a confidence I didn’t know I had.
The most important thing I realized was even when my ex didn’t provided me the closure that would have made my life easier back then, at least I didn’t do the cheating. I wouldn’t exactly say he was the only one at fault because it takes two to tango. Maybe I lacked in some ways but that is something I do not need to dig into now since I’m happy with my husband and excited about the life ahead of me.
To mend a broken heart over a cheating ex is not to rush into moving on. Take time to cry, look for new activities and regain your self-worth. As time goes by and when you are calmer about the situation, you will realize you are not completely at fault for what happened and that you have become a better person that will be able to take on whatever challenge you’ll have in the future.