How to Pick Up Women

So you're at a bar and there's a beautiful woman sitting by herself, drinking a martini.   You want to approach her but you're afraid that she'll reject you, or maybe you're concerned that she's waiting for her boyfriend.  Or, you reason, she wouldn't go for a guy like you.  If thoughts like that are stopping you from meeting women you find attractive, you're not alone.  Frankly, I used to be so afraid to approach a woman that you couldn't pay me enough to do it.   Like you, I was timid, reserved and unable to quiet the voice in my head that kept saying, "Who am I kidding, she'd never talk to a guy like me."  

The truth, however, is that your perception of women is way off base.  Women are as self conscious, anxious, and fearful about rejection as men.  Behind the confidence and poise that many beautiful women display is a little girl crying out for attention.  And the truth is, that little girl doesn't even care what you look like.  For women, attraction is 90% mental, and 10% physical.   Allow me to explain.

Like you, a woman has psychological needs that she is seeking to fulfill.  These include the need for security, the need to be appreciated for who she is, rather than how she looks, and the need for emotional as well as physical bonding, or intimacy.  Notice that not one of these needs includes the need to be with a guy who looks like Brad Pitt.  That really is not what women want.  

If you want to get a woman's attention, you have to show her who you are as a person.   She wants to get to know the person you are when you're at home with your family, or out with friends.  What are your values?  Are you loyal?  Are you trustworthy?  Are you a provider?  Are you someone who can put another person's needs before your own?  Believe it or not, these are the thoughts that run through a woman's mind when you are conversing with her.  Yes, she may glance at what you're wearing and  have a sniff at your cologne,  but in the end, it's what you say that will determine whether she gives you her number or decides that you're not the guy for her.  So what should you say?

  1. Silence is golden.  The best salesmen know that to make a customer feel at ease, you have to let them do the talking.  They do that by asking open-ended  questions, or questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."  Think about that.  When a woman meets a guy for the first time, what does she ask?  "So," she says, "What do you do?"  And you are now forced to spend the next five minutes explaining to her the intricacies of indoor plumbing.  Or whatever.  The point is, she has taken charge of the conversation and, by asking you questions that require an elaborate answer, she can learn everything she needs to know to make a decision about your suitability.   Try asking similar questions, like: "So what do you think of this place? "  "So what does a guy have to do to get your number?"  "So what's a woman like you doing out here?"
  2. Be sincere.  Women are immediately turned off when they detect they are being lied to, so don't pretend to be someone you're not.   And don't think that you need to show her that you have money.  Believe it or not, I've received many positive responses just by being open and getting right to business with statements like, "You seem like a very interesting person.  What's your number?"  If that doesn't work take it down a notch, but don't become discouraged.  Above all, women need time.
  3. Don't hold a grudge.  Never get discouraged by rejection.  More often than not, it is the woman who is so self-conscious that she is afraid to talk to or dance with a man.   And if that's not the case, then it could be that she has a boyfriend.  Or she's experiencing stomach cramps.  Or her cat died two days ago.  Whatever the reason, realize that it is not you she is rejecting, but the circumstances.  

I hope the above has given you more confidence to approach women.  If you have any advice or personal experiences that you would like to share, please post it in the comments.  I'd love to hear from you.