"How do I save my marriage?"

This is probably a question that many people ask everyday. And it is really sad to think that most marriages start with so much promise only to wind up in a place where either one person or both are asking themselves why they got into it in the first place. And given the fact that most marriages start so great with a big wedding, a great honeymoon and then the first year of total bliss, from a realistic perspective there is really nowhere that a marriage can go but down....or is there?

Typically what happens if that over time we start to take why we got married for granted and forget the reasons why we were attracted to our spouse in the first place. For many, our spouses start to feel more like a burden or dead weight than they feel like an equal partner in which we are sharing. In other cases, a spouse may feel like they are pulling all the weight and having to do everything which could lead to resentment.

2 million divorces every year...how not to become a part of this equation

One of the biggest factors for me is to understand that life comes in stages and although it would be nice to have that honeymoon feeling forever, the reality is that life will start to get in the way. At times, our spouse may be in a different stage than us and feel like we are holding them back from whatever it is they are trying to achieve. It is important for both the spouses to realize this and to recognize that there may be years that won't be so great. In the case of dealing with your life partner, understanding and weathering through the hard times can be the difference between getting a divorce or having a partner for life.

Something like this happened to me a few years back and an older friend who has had a lasting and happy marriage gave me a piece of advice that I am going to give you-

"We all go through different seasons in our lives. Sometimes, we will walk with our partners hand in hand and other times we will feel like we are separate entities living alone in the same house. If you can weather through these times and get to the other side, I can assure that you marriage will be stronger for it."

Will counseling help save my marriage?

There are many who believe that counseling may help save the marriage. I don't believe this is the case because during counseling, spouses will typically say things that they don't mean and say things that they wouldn't say to each other that they really don't mean. Hurtful things like "I never loved you and don't know why I got married in the first place" or "I married you because you kept asking" can further divide the couple. Words hurt and worse still in most cases they can't be taken back.

I have seen counseling accelerate divorce quicker because of what is said and confessed during these counseling sessions.

Why are we Married Again?

Probably the biggest catalyst to saving a marriage is to remember why you got married in the first place. There are so many factors that can get in the way of remembering this; things like children, bills and work can easily make the divide between couple widen. When this happens, it is easy to not only take your spouse for granted but to also forget what it is you love about the person you married. This is very important stuff. I suggest you make a list of everything that you love about your spouse. Do not make a list of the things you don't like about your spouse though. In the event that you spouse finds this, you may open a pandora's box that you can't close.

Remembering the good times in the face of conflict is a great exercise that will lead to positive results in your marriage.

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How to Save My Marriage....

Things like money, kids and work can get in the way with remembering those special times. Sometimes it feels as though there is no time for a couple to do things together and this will create a lot of problems when it comes to marriage. A spouse may not feel appreciated and try to find love and that feeling of excitement elsewhere in another person. In other cases, a spouse may make work the love of their life and completely forget about their partner.

The key is to spend some quality time...it could be a couple hours out of a week...in which the couple can sit down and actually talk about their feelings and get generally close. It is way too easy to drift apart when there are so many daily distractions that can take away from the marriage. By talking, spouses are able to feel like the distance between them isn't as far apart as they may think.

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