ZombieGirlCredit: www.startribune.com

Most of us have thought about what we would do if we ever found ourselves confronted by a blood thirsty horde of zombies. Some of us have even prepared in one way or another for this impending confrontation. If you don't know where to start-this guide is for you!

First things first...go NOW and buy yourself a crossbow and learn how to use it. If you have ever seen the TV show The Walking Dead then you will know how critical your new crossbow will be to your survival. Why a crossbow? Nobody can deny that they're totally badass! They are also quiet and best of all you can reuse your arrows since finding ammunition will undoubtedly become a difficult task as time goes on. You'll also want to have a machete and guns and plenty of ammo in your possession. PLENTY OF AMMO! Remember, ammo will become scarce.

Next, let's get to know our enemy. Zombies have one of two missions...eating you or turning you into one of them! Because they're already dead, zombies typically have poor reaction times. Don't let that fool you...zombies can be surprisingly quick. Zombie infection occurs when a zombie bites a living human. Some zombies may only maim or wound a certain person intending on growing the zombie population.

Now that you're properly armed and up to date on zombie psychology let's discuss what you'll do to survive your face to face zombie encounters. I will discuss these tactics by situation:

Barricading: If you have enough supplies you can hold up in a house or building. Use this tactic with caution, however. You'll need to prepare the structure for infiltration and zombies are drawn to the noise of hammering. Place 2x4's over all windows and doors. You can also use doors from the interior of the house to barricade the doors leading in and out of the house, but ONLY if you are certain that the door is sturdy. You can test the door by padding your hand with cloth and punch the door as hard as you can. If there is no damage, it is safe to use. Once the house is ready, practice extreme silence! Make sure no lights or candles are visible at night and make little to no noise at all. Your life depends on it!


    1. Backup Plan-The Cellar: If the barricades fail and zombies break into your home you have 2 possible options: the cellar or the attic. The cellar has only one door you have to barricade, and only one door to watch. However, if your barricade on the cellar door fails, your fate is pretty much sealed. There is only one way in, and only one way out. Once the zombies know you are in there, they will be relentless in their attempt to gain access to fresh meat. Stock the cellar beforehand with weapons, food, water and any other items deemed necessary for survival. The cellar is a death trap, only use this as a last resort.

    2. Backup Plan-The Attic: This is the absolute safest place to be in a zombie attack. Not only is it clear of all possible danger, it is virtually inaccessible to zombies. Again, prep your attic in advance stocking it with the items mentioned above. MAKE SURE YOU PULL THE DRAWSTRING UP! Even though zombies are typically incapable of such an act, it isn't impossible for one to grab at the cord and pull the stepladder down, which would make the attic just as much a death trap as the cellar. Bring a radio to keep yourself up to date with the events in the outside world, to see if the zombie situation comes under control while you hide. Remember: the attic IS probably the safest place, but don't get careless.


Self-Defense and Fighting Tactics

If you find yourself in the unthinkable situation where you may have to defend against attacking zombies, this list will help you to survive. There is risk involved in many of these tactics, but your life depends on utilizing them.

Fire: The basic element of destruction. Use fire to defend yourself from zombies if you are without any other weapon. Fire isn't easy to come by if you don't have the right materials, but if you have to make a break for it, a simple concoction of a table leg, some cloth, some kerosene and a lighter will be all you need to wave off some zombies. Be sure to bring the kerosene bottle and lighter with you so the torch doesn't burn out while you're running. You do not have to hit the zombie with the flame, but simply wave at the zombie in a threatening manner. You may also keep zombies at bay with fire-ball cocktails, or setting up a barricade and lighting it on fire.



Hand to Hand Tactics: One basic method of self-defense is hand-to-hand combat. Zombies do not have the reflexes or reactions to defend against you, but it is dangerous to get in close to fend them off. If you find yourself surrounded and have no other weapon, the best method of escape would be shoving. Shoving zombies into one another confuses them, and if necessary, you may tackle, dive and roll, and in a pinch, use your fists and some kicks to get yourself out of danger. CAUTION: I highly advise AGAINST using hand-to-hand tactics unless you have absolutely no other choice. Using hand-to-hand tactics requires you to get in very close, and the risk of being bitten is dangerously high.



Guns: Headshots are the basic way to get rid of your zombie problem, and the most effective. This is the safest measure since there is a greater distance between you and the zombies. Be careful not to waste ammo on other body parts, and save one bullet for yourself in the event that you get bitten. Invest in a silencer if possible, gunshots will attract more zombies.



Blunt force trauma: Another very effective, though highly dangerous method of dispatching zombies. Repeated, heavy blows to the head with a heavy object, such as a bat, metal pipe, even a big rock...anything with some weight to it will take out a zombie. Be careful when using weapons like this, since it requires you to get in close and you have a high risk of being bitten or eaten. Also be sure that the zombie is dead before you stop hitting it. Don't turn your back until you are positive the zombie is dead.



Swords, knives and serrated weapons: A slightly less effective method of dispatching zombies. Since stabbing and slashing doesn't work on them too well, your best bet is to decapitate the zombies, but remember that a zombie CAN still wound you with its head cut off. If you decapitate a zombie, stab the head or hit it with heavy trauma to make sure its dead. Keep a sword or large knife with you at all times, since it is better than having nothing to defend yourself with.

Other Survival Techniques

Dive and Roll: If you find yourself surrounded by a group of zombies and you have no weapon, then you must use the hand-to-hand combat tactic. For safety, use the "dive and roll" technique, where you would dive into the legs of a zombie, hopefully causing it to tumble over you, confusing the horde and allowing you to make a break for it.

Running Them Over: If you have access to a car, USE IT! Preferably something big and strong and preferably a 4x4. You can run over large amounts of zombies, either killing them or incapacitating them. Be careful though...if you crash or the zombies somehow manage to flip over your car, then you're doomed. Only use this technique for escape, and try not to ever go alone.

Running: The most basic technique is to just run. Zombies are slow, clumsy and confused. You could easily push past large groups. Don't take your ability to run for granted...use it and use it wisely. Remember that some zombies are faster than others, and running will draw a lot of attention to you. Don't allow them to surround you in a crowded area, or out in the open. Stay close to large trees and climb if you have to, or find a safe shelter.


In the event that you are somehow still bitten by a zombie, face the fact that you have zero chance of survival. Find a gun and use it on yourself, making sure to shoot yourself in such a way that your brain is completely destroyed. A shotgun should do the trick. It is better than the alternative. Do not let ties to loved ones or friends influence your decision. It is better to put them out of their misery while they are human versus having them come after you as the walking dead.

I hope I've helped you in some way! The future of the human race depends on you!