How to Talk About Sex with Your Spouse
How to talk about sex with your spouse: Intimacy
You would think married couples know everything about sex and would easily talk about intimacy. That is unfortunately not the case. Sex and intimacy are what you do and not what you talk about. That is a wrong point of view. Many couples have been frustrated because they have been unable to communicate and get to the root of their difficulties. Talking about your sex life with your spouse should be a naturally thing but it just doesn't seem to happen. Most couple will easily talk about food, friends and breakfast. If your spouse doesn't like scrambled eggs on toast he or she will let you know. If you cook the same thing for weeks on end, you will be made aware of it. If that is the case, why could couples not bridge the gap and communicate openly about sex and intimacy? Talking about sex with your spouse is not often easy but you can do something about it.
How to talk about sex with your spouse: Embarrassment
One of the reasons is that couples are embarrassed to openly talk about sex. What is there to hide if you have been intimate with your spouse for so many years? That is the irony of the situation. If you know the most intimate things about your spouse, talking about sex with your spouse should be easier. There are couples who wouldn't even get undress in front of each other. Others would not even make love with the lights on. That sounds ridiculous but it is the reality of marital life. So how do you talk and communicate with your spouse about sex and intimacy?
When you want to talk about sex with your spouse, the first thing is to remove all the fallacies you've read sex and intimacy. You need to forget about the saying, "that is obvious and I don't have to tell him or her". Talking about sex with your spouse is not obvious. If it was that obvious why isn't everyone doing it? If you want to get something done, you have to open your mouth and communicate. There is no secret to talking about sex with you spouse other than articulating your needs. Do you feel that it takes the charm away if you have to ask for sex? Talking about sex with your spouse and asking for sex is not something to be ashamed of. Let us look at it from another perspective. Would you rather have a sorry sex life if you could easily fix it with a 10 minutes conversation? The answer is easy. You will rather endure the 10 minutes and fix the problem once and for all. Talking about sex with your spouse shouldn't be a long drawn out conversation. Talking about sex with your spouse shouldn't also be an interrogation. Talking about sex with your spouse is all about communication and listen to what the other have to say.
How to talk about sex with your spouse: Accusation
The best thing to do is, not accuse your spouse of something he or she is not doing. If you don't talk about sex with your spouse, how do you expect him or her to know what to improve or change. You should concentrate on what you enjoy and what you want your spouse to do. If you want a little more foreplay, just say it and that is what talking about sex with your spouse is all about. Don't fall into the temptation of saying, you come too quick and I am never satisfied. Accusing your spouse when talking about sex will only make matter worse. If you hate it if you spouse falls asleep after sex, you need to tell him that you will appreciate it if he stays awake after sex. He might ask you why you want him to stay awake. You need to be able to explain that. Do you want to cuddle up and talk after sex? You need to tell him you want to talk and cuddle up and talk. That is not so difficult. If you don't say it, you might end up talking to yourself. It is amazing how talking about sex with your spouse can be so easy and at the same time difficult. Part of the difficulty of talking about sex with your spouse is because of false information you have read about the so called lovers being in tuned with their spouse. That is often a lie and talking about sex with your spouse is what intimacy is about.
How to talk about sex with your spouse: Rough sex
Do you like sex to be a little rough? There is nothing to be ashamed of. You could tell your spouse that you will like to try something different. You might need to coach him or her if you want to get any good result. There are those who might be afraid that talking about sex with their spouse or talking about rough sex can lead to other questions. Where did you get that idea from? Well, that is what talking about sex with your spouse can lead to. There is not reason to allow that to put you off talking about sex with your spouse. You can just say I like things to be a little different and maybe rough sex is something worth trying. If you don't know what you are doing, don't pretend to be an expert. Your spouse will see through your improvisation. Try to be honest and you will achieve more with your spouse.
A word of caution, if your spouse finds your fantasies degrading, you might not get anything out of the conversation. Yes talking about sex with your spouse is not all about what you want. You spouse will also have the right to say no. You need to be loving and respectful when you talk about sex with your spouse. You also need to think about the desires of your spouse. Intimacy is what you share and a good communication will help you get closer to your spouse. It will also help you feel loved and satisfied.
There is no need to fake it. If you want more, you need to ask and work at it. You shouldn't let small issues ruin your relationship. Talking about sex with your spouse is a way to repair your relationship and enjoy better sex.
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Comments
This is a tricky one - but once you've discussed the subject once then it becomes much easier the second time. And then it becomes fun to talk about it.
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