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How to Tell if your Date has a Sense of Humor - Top 10 Embarrassingly Messy Foods to Eat on a Hot Date

By Edited May 19, 2015 3 8

Top 10 Risky Foods to Eat When Trying to Impress a Hot Date

Or Cut to the Chase in One Date with these Foods

  1. Whole Lobster - the King of Fish.  Blinding yourself or your date with hot fishy water while cracking or removing claws is quite normal behaviour.  Being unable to concentrate because you are craving a shower 15 minutes into the meal because you just don't feel clean anymore,  is also a common effect.  If the date squirts you back with their lobber you are probably fine.  If they leave, maybe not.

  2. Donairs or Gyros Sandwich - The fresh fluffy pita is perfectly lubricated by tzaziki sauce into a perilous slippery sandwich with layers of freely-gliding tomatoes, onions and meat. The risk of embarrassment increases once the contents are warmed and compression forces on biting make the contents difficult to control.  Always a crowd pleaser.  Hint: order lots of napkins before you start to eat.

  3. Tacos - The crisper and fresher the golden corn taco, the greater the risk of sudden fracture and shame.  All results are magnified with the addition of sour cream to the taco.  Alternating bites from one end to another is a viable defense mechanism, but only serves to delay the inevitable.  Only order these if your date does.

  4. Ribs & Wings - With Ribs and wings, it is not how messy you get whilst eating them, that is not under dispute, but how gracefully you deal with the sticky burning hot sauce on your face and fingers.  Wet-naps are a must.  How much meat and skin debris is caught in your teeth is another crucial factor that can ruin a Rib & Wing night, and what item from the table you choose to remove the meat.

  5. Burritos - The best tasting burritos are the messiest to eat.  Avoid pushing finger-ends into thin tortillas heavy with the meaty filling.  If there is a breach in the tortilla hull then you are done and may as well finish it with a spoon.  As with most Mexican food, order it only if your date is having some!

  6. Artichoke - The most perilous part of the Arti is the choke and the spiky leaf tops.  The choke is a mass of dense prickly fibres you will not be able to eat so don't even try, your date will notice.  If in doubt, order artichoke hearts, they are fairly safe.

  7. Escargot - Unscrewing these slippery little gems out of their shell takes finesse.  If you do not have that finesse, don't worry.  The main warning light will come on while getting to grips with a really tricky one, when you unexpectedly lose the escargot into the red wine of a diner on a neighbouring table.  Again, how your date responds speaks volumes so be observant for body language as well.

  8. Mille Feuille or any other whipped cream dessert eaten as a sandwich - No amount of precision biting with the incisors, to reduce compression forces, will stop the inevitable cream slide out of one side.  Alternating sides can be eaten but often looks more calculating and worse than the cream landslide result that occurs from trying to eat normally.

  9. Jelly Filled Donuts - Always, repeat always bite from the side the jelly went in.   Ruby blobs on your clothing are a definite turn off.  No way around it.
  10. Haagen Daasz Chocolate-Covered Ice Cream Bars - All will start off well and you will think you are home free, but it is the last 15-20 seconds of eating these that is the real test.  Having the coordination to recover from 2 plates of warm soft chocolate gliding off the same dripping piece of ice cream on a stick will surely impress your date more than any "good try".



Oct 24, 2011 12:29pm
Your article brought more than one smile to my face imagining the scenarios you've described. Thanks for a light-hearted Monday moment.
Oct 24, 2011 8:37pm
Thansk LLWordard! It's my first attempt at humour, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Nov 6, 2011 11:12am
Funny article! I enjoyed it and can relate to a few of them (WINGS)!
Nov 6, 2011 1:33pm
That's great your enjoyed it Kris!
Jan 29, 2012 4:00pm
What a cute article. It definitely made me chuckle. Good thing I'm happily married as many of these items are my favorites! Namely lobster and as KrisSigeti named WINGS!
Jan 29, 2012 4:54pm
Hi, Thanks for reading and commenting! Yes, I'm, in the comfort zone too! Well look at how I'm dressed in my avatar!! I wrote this for a feature way back, for a bit of fun. Wings are awesome and those desserts!
Mar 13, 2012 9:26pm
Chuckles are great Thanks. I thumbs up from me!
Mar 14, 2012 10:03am
Skeffling -- this articles makes me wonder if you've seen me eating in a restaurant? Very funny stuff and very true!
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