Well, it’s finally happening. The movie that captured our hearts and made us rethink our purpose on this planet is getting its sequel. I am, of course, speaking of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. But while we wait in breathless anticipation for the premier of the long-desired Part Two, I think it’s important to reflect on the monumental impact the original has had on our daily lives. Impact, you say? How has Anchorman impacted our daily lives? Sigh. I was afraid you were going to ask that. Obviously, you are unaware that an Anchorman quote can be used as any response to practically any problem or situation one might encounter. Allow me to show you how it’s done.
How To Use An Anchorman Quote In Any Real Life Situation
QUOTE: Ron Burgundy: "Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?" Brick Tamland: "Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna."
Real Life Usage: This line is a good response for when someone asks you to do something you’ve already done and would rather not do again. Example, the PTA president asks if you would be interesting in chairing the PTA fundraiser again this year.Your Response: "Um no, too many people died last year.” And with that, you're off the hook.
QUOTE:Brick Tamland: "I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches."
Real Life Usage: Your plan is take a “sick day” from work so you can go to the beach. You call in to tell the secretary to relay to the boss that you're sick. You are caught off guard when the boss answers the phone and asks what's wrong with you. Your response:
"I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches." Phew. Now that was quick thinking.
QUOTE: Ron Burgundy: "Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, “diversity” is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era."
Real Life Usage: You are sitting in a class or a meeting, looking down at the latest Grumpy Cat Memes on your phone. Suddenly you are being called on to ask if you can explain the meaning of “acculturation”. Your response: "Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, acculturation is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era." Yes. You are a genius. And now everyone else knows it too.
QUOTE: Brick Tamland: "I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks."
Real Life Usage: Often, introductions can be awkward. Sometimes, it feels deficient to just present your name with no additional details. So a good idea is to follow up with your new acquantance with: “People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.” And your new acquaintance knows something about you. You are friends now.
QUOTE: Ron Burgundy: "I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal...I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
Real Life Usage: When you encounter a situation where you feel your prominence is in question, you may want to insert into the conversation the legendary words of Ron Burgundy: “I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.” They may lift their eyebrows in disbelief, thus needing further convincing, in which you follow up with, "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany." Now they know just who they're dealing with.
QUOTE: Ron Burgundy: (to his dog Baxter, when Baxter barks at him) “You know I don't speak Spanish.”
Real Life Usage: Life is filled with people saying things you don’t understand or do not wish to hear. The best way to cut someone off who is repelling you with information that is useless or over your head is to say: “ You know I don't speak Spanish.”
QUOTE: Brian Fantana: "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works every time."
Real Life Usage: You are trying to convince a reluctant participant to go along with your great idea. They seem to question the legitimacy of your plan. So you tell them: "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time." Who can argue with that logic?
QUOTE: Ron Burgundy (to dog Baxter): "You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair."
Real Life Usage: Occasionally you encounter someone who is so brilliant, so awesome, so always spot-on, that you want to tell them how important they are to you. Or perhaps you just feel the need to suck up. To this person, you can say: “You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.” Because everyone needs to hear that, once in a while.
QUOTE: Ron Burgundy (to Brick): "I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder."
Real Life Usage: Sometimes, you just want a person to go away and leave you alone. But obviously, you can't come right out and say so, because that would hurt their feelings. So how to get rid of such a person without them knowing your true intent? You tell them: “Look, I've been meaning to talk to you….You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.” Problem solved.
QUOTE: Brick Tamland: "I love…lamp. I love lamp."
Real Life Usage: We’ve all been there. You’re on a date with someone you barely know, and all of a sudden, they drop the “L” word. “I love you.” You stare at them like a goat eating its tail, and finally you come out with the only sensible response you can think of that won’t end in tuxedos and bridesmaids. You say, “I love..lamp. I love lamp.” There. You have now avoided an otherwise awkward moment.
QUOTE: Tino (to Ron): "We have a saying in my country - the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken."
Real life usage: There are times, in life, when we encounter a situation that utterly stumps us. We do not know what response would be suitable and yet, we do not feel it appropriate to remain silent. This is when you take a deep breath, and say: “We have a saying in my country - the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken.” And with those wise words, my friend, you just walk away.
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