Many people think that being an atheist is easy -- all you have to do is not believe something of which there is allegedly no physical proof -- but you'd be wrong. See, all you would be atheists just haven't come up against anyone who could argue God from a scientific perspective like me. I believe that most of you are mad at religion, which is not of God. That's not a true athiest. Also, can you reject all ideas of God, not just the storybook white bearded guy in the sky? We'll see.

Things You Will Need

Your thinking cap

Step 1

To become an atheist, and moreover, to prove to me that you are an atheist, you must first reject Einstein's notion of relativity. That is, just because you say there's no God doesn't mean there isn't one for someone else. The notion that truth, like time and space, the human measurements of truth, is absolute, is one that has been disproven for many years. Example 1: At the speed of light, time stops, so two people living can age at different rates according to their speed. Example 2: Look at a green book. It's only green because your eyes are able to reflect "green" light. The color is not inherent in the book. So if a color blind person looked at that same book, it would be grey. By the same logic, God can exist for me even though he doesn't at all for you. Then the question becomes, am I real? Well, that's one for Descartes, but I think it's pretty selfish of you to think that you are the only thing that can exist. :)

Step 2

To become an atheist, and moreover, to prove to me that you are an atheist, you must reject the notion of reasonable doubt. I don't have to prove there is a God; you have to prove there isn't one. And if you can't, no courthouse in America is going to hear you out. If you have no God, you must believe in the systems of law by which civilized humans operate. If not, you are a nihilist, not an atheist, and you must rethink your philosophy. And if you believe in the system, but oppose it, you are an anarchist, not an atheist, and again, must rethink your philosophy. If there is nothing greater than humans, then the prevailing system of human law must be correct. And if even by this system of law you cannot prove there is no God, then you don't have a leg to stand on.

Step 3

To become an atheist, and moreover, to prove to me that you are an atheist, you must reject the notion of all Gods, not just the Christian God, or the Jewish God, or the Buddha, or Allah. I don't believe that God is a bearded guy looking down from us from up above. Physically, God is located somewhere between the 8th and 10th dimensions, depending on whether you believe in string theory or the 10-dimensional theory. Moreover, a 4th dimensional being, who can slip in and out of our timeline at any point, would be a "god" to us. It would be able to predict stock market crashes, hurricanes, and your life choices. Also, the notion that God is "good" in a human sense is also not a great argument -- the rain which floods the farmer out and kills his daughter today is the fertile soil by which thousands eat tomorrow. Is the rain good? Or evil? Similarly, do you reject the notion of God because you have been unlucky in life? Not only is that an emotionally selfish argument, but devoid of logic as well. Your tragedy may help a larger miracle. If you can argue me down on all three of those points, I'll consider you a true atheist. Until then!

Tips & Warnings