While boyfriends come and go, picking a partner turns out to be the single most important decision woman make in their lives. A marriage has significant impact on your entire life from your career to day-to-day things like what you eat for breakfast.
If you are in a relationship at the moment ask yourself if you could consider mothering his children?
If the answer is no, you are wasting your time. If you think you have time to waste, think again. Think biology. If you want to have children, having them after the age of 35 dramatically increases the risk of health complications, which is if you even manage to get pregnant.
Woman should start thinking of finding a husband and not just a boyfriend in their early twenties. In the end, it's a numbers game where things take time. Meeting someone, getting engaged, planning a wedding, getting married and then trying to get pregnant takes years. Suddenly - there isn't much time left if you want to be done with child birth by the age of 35. So don't waste your time on boyfriends.
Picking a husband is different from picking a boyfriend since you're not just picking a partner; you're picking a father. Your not only getting what he looks like today, but what he will look like and act in 20 years.
You can never change who parents your child after the fact. Even if you divorce, the children will link the two of you for all of your lives. Look at a potential partner through this light and you are well on your way to finding a great husband.
So he's good looking, funny and clever and he takes you to fancy restaurants? That's fantastic, but you have to have a closer look at the man behind the smile.
Maria, a 30-year-old assistant told me that she spent 8 years in a relationship with a really hot guy. Every girl was envious since she had this tall gorgeous man with a body to die for, and she loved that.
The only problem was that she didn't really appreciate the effort behind the body. He spent hours at the gym instead of with her and they couldn't even enjoy meals together, since he mostly drank his. Behind the body was a somewhat bulimic take on food and exercise. All he had was the body and that was all he could offer her. As a potential father he wasn't interesting- he was too self-absorbed and she pictured bodybuilder babies and not family dinners in their future.
You need to figure out what's really important and what's less important in a future husband. It's like a job ad. You have the mandatory requirements and then come the rest, the bonus features.
Rita, a 24-year-old freelance journalist only dated successful older men until one of them started talking about marriage.
She realized that she wouldn't only get the man, but also his two children from a previous marriage. He worked long hours and never tended to anything in his home. She saw before her how she would be sucked into domestication and even worse, how the household finances would be shared with his ex-wife and children. His daughters already had expensive taste and that red flag made her realize on top of everything that his wealth was merely a false image and she saw the sibling rivalry ahead.
Rita's situation is an example of guys with baggage. Marrying a guy in dept, with previous marriages, children or other commitments means that you are saying yes to the entire package. A package you can't return after the honeymoon. The big problem is noticing these things on time. His children might be adorable when you meet them in the park but living with them is a totally different experience. Do you want to wake up to video game screaming and toys all over your home? Needless to say, Rita took the nearest exit sign out of that relationship.
Think beyond today- is he the right man for you in ten -twenty years, when you have grown? When we were 16 all it took was great hair and good taste in music, maybe a dimple and we were all starry-eyed. Today, that's the guy that rents out movies and still has a garage band.
If you want to get married, here are a few questions that will guide you to evaluating if you shouls turn your date into a husband.
What is his take on marriage and when would he consider it?
If your dating a guy that says he'll never get married, you are better off looking elsewhere, believe me. The same goes for guys that say they plan on getting married when they are 35, ten years from now. Do you want to give a guy 10 years of your life on a maybe?
Who are his parents and are they still married?
This question is truly important. It's actually not just about the parents; it's about his entire family. Other than you, these are the people most likely to influence him and thereby also influence your life in the future.
What is his take on religion?
This is a question that should be answered in relation to your take on religion. An orthodox Jewish man is not likely to marry a Wiccan. If he does, new questions will arise when you have children. Where are your boundaries and where are his? Are the rest of your Sundays going to be spent in church or in front of a football game?
How does he treat his mother and sister?
Is he caring or does he boss them around or put them down? Don't flatter yourself into thinking that your guy cares more for you than for his mother and sisters. If he can be an asshole to his mother today, he is more than capable of being one to you later on. These relationships show you how he will treat you after 15 years of marriage.
Who are his friends?
Apart from his family these are the people he spends most of his time with. Are they family-oriented people or individualistic singles that put their careers first? How old are they? A man that spends time with people that are younger, less successful and such, prefer to be a big fish in a little pond. These men don't grow usually their friends outgrow them.
Look for a man with deep meaningful long-term friendships. If he can't hold on to friends for a longer period, he is not likely to know how to maintain such relationships and therefor isn't a good candidate for marriage.
Do all his friends seem to be more successful and more ahead in life? This is a good thing, it means that he doesn't mind being a small fish and there is room and opportunity to grow. Being the least successful in a highly successful group is better than being a high achiever in a group of low achievers.
We need to rethink marriage in order to get ahead and sort through all the bad advice we've been given over the years.
Remember- if you can't see him fathering your children you need to keep looking. Happy hunting.