Meeting your soul-mate is one of the most important events that can transpire in your life. When it happens it transforms and reshapes your entire existence and makes you wonder what you did before you had this person in your life. The search for your one true love can be simple but yet it eludes multitudes of people.

I feel that I am qualified to write about soul-mates because I have found mine and I feel that I know the qualities to look for. This may be common sense for most, but one of the first keys to finding your soul-mate is looking in the right place. Many people get burned out and used up after years of being fodder for the bar scene. They throw their hands up in the air and wonder if it is ever possible to find a decent person. Nothing against bars as a place to socialize and unwind, I know that many amazing people are patrons of bars, but they aren't exactly magnets for decent, interesting and "take home to the family" type of people. Is it any wonder why you end up jumping in and out of relationships with no real future? So even if you aren't trying the bar scene in particular it might be good to change up your scene. Try attending clubs or group meetings about things that interest you. If you are a book worm then try attending a book club, if you like bowling, join a league. Attend local church or charity events. These may attract more of the kind of people that you want to meet. Common interests can be a great starting place for a relationship. Changing up your scene may be step one in finding the right person for you.

Begin with the end in mind

In the New York Times Best-selling book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" author Stephen Covey states that one of the aforementioned seven habits is to begin with the end in mind. In the book he takes you through an exercise in which you attend your own funeral and imagine what you would like people to say about you when you die. Through that you can determine how you want to live your life and how you view success. I believe the same principles can apply to relationships. So why don't you try this exercise now. Imagine yourself years from now enjoying retirement with your perfect soul-mate. What activities do you like doing together? Where do you live? What does your soul-mate look like? What amazing qualities do they possess? What have you accomplished or achieved together? These are the things that you value and look for in your soul-mate.

Change your ruler

So by what ruler are you measuring prospective soul-mates? By their looks? Their financial stability? Their social status? When you determine what you value in a relationship you can then determine if you are using the right ruler to measure would-be soul-mates or whether you are even looking in the right place.

Find a Friend

One of the most crucial elements in any long lasting and meaningful relationship is the element of friendship. It is a common occurrence for people to date and marry someone who they find attractive physically and do not take the time to develop a friendship with the person first. This is a very risky move and most definitely contributes to the high divorce rate today. Part of the exercise of imagining your soul-mate in the future is also to remember that by then they may not be the picture of beauty and youth that they are now. Is there still enough that you admire about this person that you still find them lovable?

Decisions, decisions

Love is a decision. Let me explain. Have you ever marvelled at the idea of arranged marriage and thought to yourself "I could never do that!" Arranged Marriage in contrast to traditional western "love marriages" have a much higher success rate in comparison. How can that be? Wouldn't you be miserable if someone chose your spouse for you?

I am not promoting or condoning arranged marriage, but use this fact only to illustrate that these marriages work because the participants made the decision to love each other. Not to say that there is not or should not be fate involved in the meeting of a soul-mate. Not to say that you should just go pick someone out of the crowd and choose to love them; but to be able to find that one love of your life you may need to look for the qualities you value and make a decision to love the rest.


It is so important to relax during the search for a soul-mate. Call it the Universe, Fate or God, but it seems that when you look for something with too much fervour, and become obsessed with the pursuit of any one thing, a higher power seems to make it more difficult to possess. The harder you try the more it eludes you. So relax. Enjoy your time alone. Take the time you have to work on yourself, to be a better person. The more at peace, whole and happy you are alone, the more attractive it makes you to others and the more you will have to offer someone else.