How to speak "Boy Talk"
Communicating with Men effectively
Have you ever heard of "Boy Talk", if you answered No. Don't feel bad, I had never heard of "Boy Talk" either, until recently when chatting with a friend and she explained it to me. So basically "Boy Talk" is speaking to men in a way that they understand. Let me break down some simple truths about men that until now if you've never heard them you may not have know. Men are notoriously bad at mind reading, or picking up hints or connecting the dots. In general unless it is spelled out in clear plain English, men don't get it. I think we can all agree a lot of frustration in relationships can be attributed to poor communication. Just what is poor communication? Well it's not always what is said, it's sometimes what is not said, it's sometimes how what is said in interpreted, it's sometimes how we imagine things will go and our own expectations are part of communication.
So how can we have better communication? Simply by saying and explaining exactly what we want and how we want it. Do not leave any guess work up to a man. Do not let him fill in the blanks. Fill in all the blanks for him and connect the dots for him and you will be amazed at what happens. Here is an example shared by my friend of exactly what this looks like: "Recently I was taking a bath, I was very relaxed, I was very content. When it came time to get out of the tub, I realized that I had forgotten my towel. No big deal I thought, I'll just ask my husband to bring me one. I was remembering as a child when I would get out of the bath, my Dad would wrap a big warm towel around me and give me a big hug and kiss, and I felt so warm and loved. That was so great. So I hollered for my Husband, "Sweetie, can you please bring me a towel I forgot to grab one" about 1 min later the bathroom door opened and my Husband threw in a folded towel in my general direction and then closed the door. I sat up, a little pissed-off thinking, well that was kind of rude. I grabbed the towel, wrapped it around myself, got out of the tub and went to get dressed. Later that night speaking with my Husband I realized I was still slightly annoyed with him, and he could also sense this, I was a little short later on with him. So he asked me "What's your problem" and I said "I asked you to get me a towel earlier, and I wasn't exactly impressed with what you did" and he just looked at me in complete amazement, he looked so confused and lost. "What are you talking about? You asked me for a towel, so I brought you one" he said. Now at this point, this is where we would usually start into an argument, because I'd think he knew that when I asked for a towel he'd bring me one and unfold it like my Dad used to and wrap it around me, and in reality he has no idea what my expectation of please bring me a towel looks like in my head. So you see he is thinking I did exactly what she asked of me, and I am thinking, that's the lamest example of bring me a towel there could possibly be. So instead of our usual argument, I spoke to him in "Boy Talk".
What I said was "When I asked you to bring me a towel, I was expecting it to look like when I was a child and my Dad would bring me my towel. When I got out of the tub, he would unfold the towel and wrap it tightly around me and then give me a big warm hug and kiss, and I felt so loved and good. So you see when you just threw the towel into the bathroom, it was so disappointing because what I was imagining and expecting was an experience similar to when I was a child and my dad would bring me a towel" his response was "Oh well, I didn't know that you wanted me to also wrap it around you like that, I thought bring you a towel just meant bring you a towel. Now I know." This was like a complete revelation and light bulb for both of us. So the following week I was in the tub and when it was about time to get out I hollered "Sweetie can you please bring me a towel, I forgot to grab one" and about a minute later the door opened and I saw my Husband standing in the door way about to throw the towel in my general direction, when I saw him pause, he then looked up like he was remembering something, he then unfolded the towel, wrapped it around my shoulders tightly, gave me a big hug and a big kiss and I felt amazing, warm and secure. It was fantastic. So that's an actual example of how "Boy Talk" works.
So my challenge to you ladies is this, exactly how you imagine a scenario playing out in your head, thats how you communicate it to your man. If your making breakfast and your standing with your back to your Man and you imagine him fixing you a cup of coffee and then bring it to you while he grabs your shoulders and kisses you, tell him that, say "When you hand me my cup of coffee, I'd really like if you stood behind me, squeezed my shoulders and gave me a kiss, that would really make the whole process of bringing me a coffee complete to me" and he'll do it and you'll get just what you want and next time he goes to make you coffee he may just hand it to you at first but don't be surprised if he stops remembers and then corrects himself. It's "Boy Talk" and it truly works. Now get out there and try it, share with me your examples and experiences. I'm really loving the way this communication technic has improved my relationship and I'm so eager to hear all the comments from you about how it has improved yours.