There are three types of cheaters in the world: 1) Habitual cheaters, 2) Occasional Cheaters and 3) Opportunistic Cheaters. The first thing to ascertain is what you're working with. Habitual cheaters can't be cured. Either they come from cultures where monogamy is not the norm, or they are so sociopathic that they don't care if they hurt you. We can have a little sympathy for men from the first group. They don't MEAN to hurt you, they honestly can't understand how a man would be with just one woman. If your man falls into this category I suggest you get rid of him. Unless you think you can be happy in a plural marriage, it will never work out.
Actually, there isn't any hope for the hopelessly selfish man either. You can weep, moan and protest. But if he's a dog at heart he'll just get sneakier the more you protest. You're better off without him. You shouldn't have to EXPLAIN to some dude why cheating is hurtful. He either gets it or he doesn't. E-harmony website will confirm this if you don't believe me, but the best relationships, the easiest relationships are ones with "shared values" meaning the same world view.
Things You Will NeedYou will need to be honest with yourself. One hundred per cent of the time we actually have all the information we need, we just chose to ignore it. We want our lives to be simple. We want our relationships to work. We really don't want to know if our boyfriend is cheating, because that's gonna hurt. Except, it's dangerous to not know. Burying your head in the sand won't make it all go away.
Step 1Occasional cheaters may well be your soul mate. They may be good men, men worth keeping. So why do they cheat? Be honest. Are you taking care of business? If you are hyper sensitive, critical, not emotionally available, men feel bad. If some other woman makes your man feel special and smart and really great he'll be vulnerable to the flattery if you haven't been nice.
Think about the last time you had it in your power to make your nearest and dearest feel good about himself. Did you say something? Did you do something? Or did you let the situation slip without taking any action? Any time you have it within your power to make your make feel good - you should take action. It will pay dividends later as your relationship strengthens over time.
Think about the last time you had it in your power to make your boyfriend feel like crap about himself. Did you take action then? Be honest. If you are in the habit of putting your mate down in public, it isn't nice. This is exactly the sort of thing that makes men vulnerable to women who flatter them. You must know if you do this often enough, your man will cheat at his first opportunity. So stop it. Break the habit.
Step 2If you haven't chosen a bad man, and if you don't treat your man badly then the only kind of cheater left would be the "Opportunistic Cheater." This is the person Hollywood movies are written about. He will say, "It was just 'sex' it wasn't LOVE, Baby!" How do you tell if this kind of boyfriend is cheating?
1. If he's getting dressed up to go out, and it isn't with you
2. If he stays late and it isn't for work
3. If he has a cell phone number or e-mail chat you aren't privy to
4. If there's lipstick or some other woman's perfume permeating his clothes
5. If there's some crazy excuse why you can't meet this certain woman friend he admires so much
If you think he's cheating and you want to know for sure you would be wise not to get him on the defensive. Once it's a fight he'll deny, deny, deny. Men don't like to fight. Especially if it isn't a battle anyone can win. You don't really want to fight about it yourself, do you? You just need to know so you can make some decisions about your life. If you don't plan on leaving, please, don't bring it up. After all, do you WANT a man you have to fight for? If you haven't got trust in a relationship - you actually haven't got a relationship at all.
I have a friend with a very high strung girlfriend. She remains convinced he's cheating, even though he never does. She talks about so much, accuses him so often I wonder if she isn't the one cheating. Because honestly, if there were a shred of truth to the things she accuses him of, she would be an absolute fool to stay with him.