How to stop thinking about what they are thinking
A lot of people spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think about them. You can spend an endless amount of time and energy dedicated to figuring out what your reputation might be or what other people think of you and your lifestyle. All of us are constantly judging others at the same time we are being judged ourselves. If they think bad things about you all day long to themselves, it does nothing to affect our lives except by the power we give it. What would you do with all the extra time and thought energy if you gave up worrying about what other people think? Would you be more confident and self assured? Well here are some ways to help you ignore what people think so you can find out.
- Counter thinking: Counter thinking occurs when you consciously think thoughts that are countering the negative thoughts in your mind. You say to yourself “they have their own lives they don’t care one whit about me” or “just ignore them, you're a great person and what they think does not matter”. This method is the most commonly used but not particularly effective in the long run. You end up having an argument with yourself, trapping your thought process into a loop.
- Let go of control: When you are trying to impress someone, you are trying to basically control them. People will not be controlled. In fact the more controlled they feel the more rebellion comes up, and they will not get a good impression of you if they feel controlled. Let go of trying to control how they think of you and be genuine.
- Expression not impression: Whenever you feel nervous about how people are going to think of you, such as going on stage or a job interview, focus on expression not impression. In other words concentrate on expressing yourself and who you are rather than trying to make an impression, the impression part will take care of itself. When you are trying to impress someone, you are no longer being real or authentic. People can pick up on this either consciously or unconsciously and it will affect how they think about you and their impression of you.
- Make yourself big: Look at situations you have been in where you reduce yourself to being less than the other person you are interacting with. Immediately there is an inferiority complex developing which can paralyse you. You make yourself feel smaller than them and thus put yourself in a position of powerlessness. What you have to do is remember that everyone is valued and equal. You may have skills that the person you are talking too does not, thus you are bringing things to the table, just not giving yourself credit for it. So in your mind make yourself big, a larger more confident person. It is well known among hypnotherapists that your mind cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. That is why we react so well to films and book, etc. If you think you are big and confident then your mind will believe it and you will act accordingly.
- Use it for motivation: If you have set out to do something and someone, or the person in your head, makes a negative comment. You feel judged for an action of goal you have set. Say to yourself “who are they to be making this judgement?”. Just because they are doing that, you can make a point of achieving the goal they criticized. Thus using it to motivate you rather than slow you down. Do it despite what they think, or what you are projecting and you will find it can help you get things done.
In general most people are not thinking bad thoughts about you at any given time. We simply project our insecurities on to the person with whom we are interacting with in order to put our own selves down. It has been said that we are our own worst enemy and in this case it is true. In reality most people are too caught up in their own lives to spend much time worrying about judging you. It's also very likely that they are also worried about what you think about them. So try these methods to see if you can free up your mind from its pointless pursuit. You will find yourself less stressed and more confident as you live you life. Good Luck!