How to keep your feelings high

"Well, I think it's time to get ready

To realize just what I have found
I have lived only half of what I am
It's all clear to me now"

As Neuro-Linguistic Programming states "all experiences have a structure". I always wonder about the falling in love process and the pursuit to keep your sentiments alive as the song of Gary Wright's states. We all have seen many super-happy couples that appear to be strong and perfectly fit only to see them separate or fighting awfully only a couple of months later. The statistics said that the fall in love state lasts no more than 2 years and usually less than expected. As you can see, how to keep your sentiments vivid is indeed a challenge for couples. So let's examine a little what is the structure of this experience in an intuitive language.

We are enamored and everything is perfect. We are happy beyond our imagination and all things in life seem to settle just right for us as in these verses:

My heart is on fire
My soul's like a wheel that's turnin'
My love is alive

The time passed and at some point out of nowhere we begin to notice the unpleasant parts of the other. If till now the snowball we rolled out keep adding only good, marvelous and pleasant things about the chosen person, all of a sudden things change and we experience the first bad, ugly and unpleasant things. And how high our diameter snowball was? It started to melt and in a certain amount of time the fairy snowball we build disappears though it's not yet the end. A new snowball is on its way out but this time it is on the opposite site - we build it on the bad, ugly and unpleasant things upon the once liked one. The difference this time is that the snowball now seems to have no end - and it keeps growing day after day.

What happens on this side of relationship is that it gets worse and worse in time until the couple separate or a certain routine is installed and then for a different reason they are still together and found a modus vivendi. It is far from being a happy relationship. It becomes just a kind of comfortable affair that operates and keeps the couple together. But the sentiments have vanished and the fairy part has gone. Gone are the days when the couple has always display a near perfect relationship.

Fact is that at a certain point when our eyes start to see against the whole picture of the partner, we are kind of a surprise and instead of keeping a balanced view what we do is focusing completely on the dark side this time. If till now we have very high expectations and a wide open smile every time we think only of our dear one, now the things are slightly changed as we focus more and more on the unpleasant. This part is where we alter again our "view" thus the vow to keep the love alive and shining is starting to vanish.

There's something inside that's making me crazy
I'll try to keep it together
'Cause what I say may not happen the same way
Now could be forever

In the light of very known sayings: "What you focus increase", the process is a very predictable one which is very common for all couple. At the beginning when the sparks are fired, it is natural that we focus only on the lighter part of the other person and everyday we tend to add more discoveries on this lighter part. We sustain each other and are more and more enthusiastic on what we see, feel or hear about our partner. This is exactly happening when we fall in love. I dare to say that it is like a precise recipe if you put these ingredients and follow these instructions after the selection of the desired partner you could easily become enamored not by accident but at your will. The difference being that when it comes natural we follow the steps automatically, unconsciously while when we do it intently we follow the steps in a conscious manner.

And that is exactly what we have to do in order to keep our love alive and shining more than ever. The key is to be aware of the natural process and keep the eyes open to grasp at time the downside path and to stop it right there. As the snowball could not increase infinitely, it could instead remain at a high right size thus gain more weight and sustain our love at its highest peak forever. Apart from the notice of the downside part, we have to change on a conscientious manner and keep our focus continually and constantly on the best traits of our partner while noticing the other side also without changing our focus on that. With that we will be able to hold on to our love and keep it alive and shining no matter what.

A very good way to succeed at this is by starting from the beginning of the relationship to collect some sort of your sweetest, funniest and coolest love moments such as photos, videos, written stories, letters and even sms (find a way to save the most funny or lovely ones). When the fall in love period naturally ends, you have this large collection of concrete moments to relate to, to help you keep your balanced view and not to be trapped in the negative focus. Plus this personal database of you could serve long after when your child begin to question about your personal or maybe you decided to publish your story or have your memoirs written. We all carry amazing meaningful stories in our hearts as we try to keep our love alive and shining.

Here are the last verses of 'Love is alive' - take them as an invitation to put into practice and keep the feelings "flow and grow":

There's a mirror moving inside my mind
Reflecting the love that you shine on me
Hold on now to that feelin'
Let it flow, let it grow

My heart is on fire
My soul's like a wheel that's turnin'
My love is alive

Comments are encouraged and much appreciated.