Leave or Stay? Advice from a Divorce Lawyer

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Do you find yourself constantly changing your mind about whether or not to stay in your current relationship? Here are three easy steps I developed through my years as a divorce attorney to help you make up your mind now.

Step One: List five major things you do not like about your current relationship. For example:

1. S/he is always late.

2. S/e lies to me.

3. S/he is not responsible with money and is always in debt.

4. S/he spends too much time online and not enough time with me.

5. S/he drinks too much.

Step Two: Turn those five dislikes into positive statements. For example.

1. I want to be with a person who is seldom late.

2. I want to be with a person who tells me the truth.

3. I want to be with a person who is responsible with money.

4. I want to be with a person who enjoys spending time with me.

4. I want to be with a person who doesn't drink too much.

Step Three: Evalute. Ask yourself these questions:

1. How strongly do I feel about wanting a person I described in Step Two?

2. What are the chances that s/he will develop any of the characteristics I described in Step Two?

3. If s/he doesn't change to develop any of the characteristics I described in Step Two, how will I feel about the relationship in two years?

Many of my clients decided to divorce only after they realized that nothing in the relationship was going to change. For some, it took years to make the decision to leave. My saddest case was a women who had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She told me, "I should have divorced him years ago. I'm sorry I waited so long, but I'm going to do it now because when I die, I don't want to be married to him."

Of course, there are a number of ways to address the issues in your relationship to make it better, but only you can decide if that effort will pay off.