Let's Talk About Trust

Building Trust

In my opinion, there is no five letter word with such impact as trust. Every relationship I have been apart of has always been built on trust. There are two main types of trust, emotional and moral trust.

Emotional Trust

The feeling of standing on solid emotional ground which was built through random acts of kindness and caring.  If you want your partner to feel emotionally secure, you will need to learn what is important to them and invest in that commodity. Once you sincerely invest in their trust, the relationship will start to flourish. I have spoken with a number of people who have not been able to build emotional trust because their partner has not taken the time to learn what is truly important to the other. This lack of engagement cause a feeling of uncertainty and often has grown into resentment.

One couple who constantly fights about items left around the house, habits and responsibilities had come to the conclusion that it was a difference of standards. I will call them Richard and Kimberly. After some discussion it was revealed that one partner really did not emotionally trust the other. Kimberly firmly believed that Richard did not care how she felt or how she wanted to live. Richard would try to complete the list of things that would please Kimberly but it never worked. Kimberly would often lash out at Richard in frustration, not understanding why he could not do things to her standard. After listening to the couple I suggested that there were some underlying issues of trust. I suggested that no matter what Kimberly said or did, Richard should take one thing that Kimberly really wanted him to accomplish and routinely complete the task . While doing that, focus his efforts on affection, emotional support, and romance.

It worked. Turns out that Kimberly really wanted Richard to be more engaged in the relationship and became more appreciative of Richards efforts.


Moral Trust

Reliance on a person to be completely transparent and have a strong moral compass. I have always been one to give people the benefit of the doubt. I assume people are trustworthy and then adjust my stand based my personal experiences. As a marriage or relationship matures the couple often starts to see flaws in the other persons character. Things that may be innocuous or may have a significant impact on a partners perception of the other. Moral trust can be one of the things with huge consequences in a relationship. We are treading into issues such as infidelity and dishonesty which will be another post all together. I have known couples who have lost their moral trust in their relationship and have slid down the slippery slope all the way to the bottom. I have heard stories about recorded phone conversations, hidden cameras, private investigators and more. Moral trust is very hard to restore and in my experience can only be reinstated by reforming the historical bond that brought the couple back together in the first place. If you are fighting to forgive your partner for a breech of this covenant it is important that you realize that this is one area that can not be rushed.


Establishing and Reinforcing Trust

If you want an area to put effort into, this is it. Treat your marriage like an investment account. Make small deposits over time to generate their interest and it will pay huge dividends! Reinvest those returns and you will have a wealth of trust in your relationship and a solid nest egg for your future together.