Have Teachers Lied to You?
Teachers are scary demigods; nothing else can explain the reaction most of us get when we see our teachers. It doesn’t really matter how old you are, when you see your teacher you’re always going to instinctively react the way you did when you were a kid. I just proved this recently. Some friends and I were at a party and most of the guys were, if not drunk, then very close to that point. Someone ran in screaming that our 6th grade Literature teacher (who gave us all nightmares in school) was outside the door. Guess what happened next? Yup, the place cleared up fast! I have never seen people sober up so fast. The point of this post, though, is not to discuss the (irrational) reaction most of us get when we see our teachers. Nope. The point of this post is to OUT the teachers. Your teachers love you and they have your best interest at heart (probably) but there are some things they would rather you didn’t know and that’s what I’m going to talk about today. Here are the top 10 things your teachers do not want you to know.
10 Things Your Teachers Would Rather You Not Know
- Teachers do not know everything. This is probably one of the best kept secrets in EVERY level of EVERY school. Teachers are mere humans, they do not know everything. In fact, there’s a ton of stuff that they don’t know but they don’t want you to know that they don't know. When I was in 8th grade, one particularly smart girl asked my History teacher a question that totally floored her. For a full minute Mrs. Brady had no reply for this girl. That was enough to bring my attention from outside the school (where it usually was) back into the classroom. The teacher didn’t know the answer. Of course, Mrs. Brady didn’t admit to not knowing – that would be breaking the Teacher’s Code of Silence. Unfortunately for her, there were no smart phones for her to quickly Google the question. So she did the next best thing, gave it to us as homework. That was the first time I actually considered that teachers do not know everything, later I found out the truth; teachers do NOT know everything about anything, much less everything about everything. If you’re really sharp and really determined you can trip your teachers up (or end up with a ton of homework).
- They were kids once. Yup, I said it, teachers were kids once. Not all of them were the mature responsible young people they want us to be. My rabble-rousing partner in High School recently became a teacher and whenever I hear her tell her students how terrible their life will be because of the stunts they pull in High School…I just burst out laughing. One of these days I’ll dig out an old picture of my pal dressed in leather on the Harley our dads forbade us from and show her students. The honest truth is that most teachers had wild teenage years of their own and while they will never tell you this, your antics are just amusing to them. They are duty bound, though, to point out that your antic will lead you to trouble, which may or may not be true.
- Thanksgiving. I am not sure exactly who is to blame for perpetuating the Thanksgiving myth but I choose to blame my 3rd grade teacher, Mr. Sandal. He told a total whooper about the first Thanksgiving. I’m pretty sure that at one point every child in an American has been told the same nonsense. It’s a holiday after all. Think back to what the First Thanksgiving (no, not Thanksgiving at the White House) must have been like. The native American tribes are busy fighting for their land and their very survival but then a referee blows the whistle, raises a white flag and somehow everyone stops fighting to eat turkey and give thanks? Come on! How did anyone believe that one? When I realized this I had to mentally revise everything teachers had told me. Then I stumbled on a book, “Lies Teachers Tell You”, and discovered that my entire Elementary and Middle School History classes were a lie. That’s great teachers. Good one.
- “Every teacher expects you to do your best”. The above statement is a flat out lie. In the four years of high school, I was told that EVERY teacher expects my best so many times that it became the teachers’ litany in my mind. Guess what? It’s a flat out lie. With a very small exception, most teachers WANT you to do your best but they don’t expect it because number one - They were kids once and number two - They have taught enough students to know that you will not be doing your best if you can help it. It’s a trap ladies and gentlemen; do NOT be caught in it. Do your best because you want to, because it’s the best thing to do, not because your teacher guilt tripped you into it.
- “We’ll have so much fun this year”. At the beginning of every school year, my new teacher would tell all of us ‘we’ll have so much fun this year’ but for some reason, we NEVER did. It was the usual issues. I got in trouble, got detention, scraped by with a C or a B and my parents got called into school to discuss how I’m squandering my potential. Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Teachers can be such liars.
- The bell does not dismiss you. This is a classic example of things teachers say that they know are lies. I mean, who are they kidding? We all know that once the bell rings we're out of the class but they persist in telling us, every year, that the bell does not dismiss you, the teacher does. Okay. No comment.
- These are the best years of your life. Teachers are probably the only ones in High School that can truly tell whether you’re peaking at High School, do you know why? Because they’ve seen it all. In high school matters, they are like soothsayers, when they want to be, so when my high school teacher told all of us in freshman year that these are the best years of our lives, she was straight out lying. At this time, I can say that my best years have been college and the glorious days of my 20’s.
- Which brings me to my next point; teachers say you HAVE to go to College. Lies! You do not have to go to college. Sure an education is probably useful for a ton of stuff but I wish someone had told me, before my high school teachers and my parents’ gang pressed me into going to college, that most of the stuff I’d learn would be mostly useless.
- Cursive???? God No!!! Cursive is quite probably the most useless of all the useless things we learn at school. I have never used cursive a single day in my entire life. Now I look back at how Mrs. Becker forced me to learn cursive and I want to weep for the uselessness of it all.
- Bullies end up as losers after school. I wish! You know back in school when teachers and everyone in the school would go on and on about how bullies would end up as the dregs of society (my 6th grade Literature teacher’s words)? How it was bad to be a bully because, after you graduated from school, your life would be over. I wish someone had thought to give my first boss that note. He IS a bully. The man bullies everyone, from his workers to his family. While I would consider him a loser, he is regarded as one of the pillars of the community. So no, Mrs. Godwin, bullies don’t magically disappear after school. They go to college, graduate and become bosses.