It is pretty common knowledge that everyone wants love. But what happens when that "want" for love turns into something else? What happens when it becomes more of a psychotic need then something that can actually be good for a person? Of course, the need for "real love" is something that is desired; and in part is an attribute of so many couples breaking up and divorcing from their marriages. While people may by the law be "together," if there is not love how will people react? And if people keep seeking out love but have difficulty attaining it, how will they survive?
The focus of this article is highlighting 10 things that men do when they are desperate for love. Many men adhere to the gender stereotype that they are supposed to be "above" the need for love, and can manage to be by themselves in isolation if need be. While many of these attributes can be equally applied to woman, the focus of this article is further on exploring the weaknesses found in men when it comes to love; and further examining how they can quite literally become so "desperate for love" that you can examine behaviorial changes in their lifestyles.
1. Men will get depressed and seek out solitude
Depression is one of the most natural experiences human beings can experience. When a person is desperate for love, they will be driven into solitude for countless reasons, including not feeling good enough as a person or a lover. Unfortunately, when in solitude their is no one really around to help; which just leads to further isolation from society and other people who are in need of love as well.
2. Men will seek out women to engage in one-night stands with
Having a fling is not a big deal to most people. In fact, it is almost expected from men as a stereotype of the gender. However, you should really be asking yourself: "Why am I out trying to hook up with other people for one-night stands that ultimately mean nothing?" It is quite possible that men try to fill the void of loneliness and being empty inside with a lot of cheap women they can pick up at the bar. Afterall, we all need our fixes of dopamine and oxytocin (the hugging chemical) among other things; but is this worth it when you could be seeking out a more signficant partner who will be there for you to love you? It is typically accepted that there is a difference between love and sex, and you should be sure you are not replacing one with the other.
3. Men will try to be the center of attention
There is no denying that men like having attention (as much as woman I am sure). Being the center of attention, whether it is at a club, at a party, or in some other scenario may just be a tactic used to hide the need for a lovers affection and attention. It certainly makes sense, considering how being the focus of attention often makes anyone feel good.
4. Men will struggle to have emotionally fulfilling relationships
I am sure you know people who go through multiple relationships throughout the year (if not more then that). After everyone you tend to shake your head and say "Another person already? That was quick." While these relationships can be fun and serve a purpose in terms of getting to know someone else, very often men (and women) will engage in them and find that they are rather shallow relationships to begin with. You ultimately get out of a relationship what both partners put into it. While this point is not necessarily the fault of the man, he should be held accountable for the relationships he consistently dives into. When behavior becomes more repetitive, that is when concern should really be raised.
5. Men will seek to gain more money to fill the void of not having love
If this is not one of the more cliche sentiments I can raise on this article about love and desperation, then I am not sure what is. Still, there is much truth behind this thought. Often, money and work become more important then having an enjoyable personal life. Love and intimacy is exchanged for a business suit and the constant attempt to go up the business ladder. While that is certainly not a bad thing, it is not healthy if your entire life is unbalanced. And be sure to consider what is more important when you are on your death bed: money or love?
6. Men will purchase expensive and unnecessary things
We all know this to be a common symptom of a man's mid-life crisis, however it is also another way to fill the void of having a great relationship and love. Desperation can drive people to do rather irrational things. If you know a man who soon starts driving around in a nice (and expensive) convertible, or begins buying hoards of expensive technology; you may want to ask him why he is doing these things. His answer may not be as honest as he would like you to think.
7. Men will get angry and potentially violent
Have you ever wondered why men are so prone to fighting and anger? While part of this may be simple genetic coding by nature, another aspect of it to be considered is how a man may not be emotionally and intellectually fulfilled. Love has the capacity to to "tame the wild beast," as we have seen time and time again in modern artistic exploits, such as in the film Beauty and the Beast. If a man is without love, he has no compelling reason to cease his interest in violence (whether it be through fighting on the streets, MMA or professional wrestling, or finding an "extreme" activity that leads to violence like hockey, skateboarding, or something related). Of course, he may also act out on other people for no apparent reason, or be particularly prone to anger by the smallest things. It is possible that part of the problem may relate heavily to his desire for love, and moreover his desperation to have it.
8. Men will become enraptured by pornography
Pornography is often viewed as the "silent killer" of men because they are able to view it in the comfort of their own homes, and even more privately within their own bedrooms. No longer does anyone have to go to a cinema or even buy films out in public. They can be purchased online, or watched on a variety of streaming websites. Pornography allows men to exchange the need for a real women with one that matches their fantasies to a T. This leads to a misrepresentation of women, which certainly has devestating effects on maintaining a long lasting relationship.
While I do not believe pornography is inherently a "bad" thing, it's effects on relationships and society at large is important to consider before partaking of it.
9. Men will demonize women
If a man finds it difficult to engage in an effective relationship with a woman, he may be prone to demonize woman in general. This is in some ways a form of self loathing, and the realization that men may just be desperate for love makes sense of this problem. Often, men are viewed as "scum" or "pigs" because of their views towards women; but how many people actually consider where these views come from? It certainly is important to think about and consider before judging men in a relationship.
10. Men will seek out intimacy, but have trouble meeting the needs of women
The needs of women tend to run much deeper then those of men. On a sexual level, if a man is plagued by mental blocks or illness (such as depression or desperation for love); then his sexual performance will likely be lackluster. Moreover, on a more intimate emotional level, the man may also find difficulty meeting the needs of the woman. He may "want" to go deeper in the relationship and be of use emotionally and intellectually, but the overwhelming desire for love almost forces him to ignore the stepping stones of a relationship that are so important.
Recommended for reading on this topic is The 5 Love Languages Men's Edition: The Secret to Love that Lasts.