Are They Who You've Been Dreaming Of?

Or Are You Just Fooling Yourself?

     Ever wonder why relationships that used to be fun and exciting tend to crash and burn? We have all been there. One day, you are having a great time with your boyfriend or girlfriend. The next day, you are arguing for so long you don't even remember what you started the fight over. No relationship, new or old, is immune to these things happening. From what I have experienced, it tends to be an issue with becoming attached to the idea of having someone versus the reality of being with someone. Here are some suggestions to consider when things are not going quite as planned.

You don't like something they do: Whose problem is it?

     Often, people forget that the person they are with has been who they are for far longer than the relationship. Even worse, is when they have a tendency unique to them that used to make you swoon, but now drives you up a wall. Before you get stressed over something your partner is doing be sure to really evaluate the severity of the issue. Is it affecting your or your partner's health mentally or physically? Does it have a true impact on your quality of life? If not, then it may be best to just brush it off and remind yourself why you are with them in the first place. If it really is a significant problem such as abuse, or drugs, then by all means seek help for yourself and/or your partner through the appropriate channels.

It's not life threatening, but you can't take it.

     Annoyances happen. Especially, in a relationship that makes you decide you cannot be with the person if the problem keeps up. Not cleaning up after themselves, or a lower level of personal hygiene than you have could easily get on your nerves. If you have hit this point, it is best to know how to talk to your partner about it. Waiting for it to bother you again is not the way you want to go with it. If you wait until then, you are already going to be irritated. Everyone has had the exacerbated sigh and shouting come out of nowhere. It is never appreciated, and it almost never ends well. Going that route will automatically put your partner on the defensive, resisting any suggestions you may bring to them.

     It is best to notice if something upsets you, process it to see if it is a big enough issue to bring up to your partner, and form an intelligent way of discussing it with them. Also, if you are going to mention something that displeases you, mention a reasonable remedy to the problem. If you cannot think of a way to fix it by observing them, how are they going to be able to change a behavioral pattern that they may have developed long before having met you?

     Sticking with them through their changes and being encouraging is immensely important as well. Daily positive reinforcement could make or break the new pattern you are trying to get them into. After all, if the person who wanted the change is not going to take the time to really enjoy it and be happy with their partner, what reason do they have to keep working at it?

REMEMBER: Only bring up a problem if it is truly important, or is making you want to leave them. Sometimes when you change a person, you end up missing who they were when you first met them.

Sorry, it's not them, it's you.

     After thinking long and hard about it you realize that it there isn't anything about them that really bothers you. However, you also realize that you aren't happy with them. What do you do if you have hit that point? Honestly, the best thing to do is probably to let them go. Cherish the good times you had with them, and do not hold them back. In the end, most of us just want a person who will love us for who we are, nothing more. If you look at your partner and realize that you do not have that feeling for them, even if it hurts them at first, I'm sure they will be glad that you gave them the chance to go find someone who truly appreciates them for all their unique qualities. Always make sure that you love them, not the ideal you have of them.