Lutheran Marriage
Lutheran marriage has many facets that may not be found in other
marriages. "Lutheran marriage" refers to a marriage between two
Lutheran people, a man and a woman. Homosexual relationships are not
recognized by most Lutheran synods.
Differences in Lutheranism
To begin to understand Lutheran marriage, it is important to understand
the main three different bodies of Lutheranism, broken up into what are
called synods. ELCA refers to the Evangelical Lutheran Church of
America, which is the largest and most progressive Lutheran synod in
America. ELCA does recognize same-sex marriage, with most decisions
concerning homosexual church leaders left up to individual congregations
to decide.
The Lutheran Church- Missouri Synod is closely related in doctrine to
the
third largest Lutheran synod, the Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran
Synod. The main difference between the two synods is the acceptance of
others in Communion. The Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod (WELS)
practices closed Communion, meaning that they do not allow people of
other faiths to partake of Communion during a church service. Aside
from this difference, typically Missouri Synod Lutherans are more
progressive, often letting women vote in church meetings, whereas WELS
does not allow this practice.
The following information on Lutheran marriages pertains to the beliefs
of the Wisconsin and Missouri synods.
The Wedding
The beginning of Lutheran marriage is the wedding itself. The couple is
not allowed to live together before the wedding. If the couple wishes
to be married in a Lutheran church, they must typically live apart from
each other for about six months before the wedding. As the couple is
not allowed to live together, this also means that they should not have a
physical relationship before the wedding. The belief among Lutherans
is that a couple not only gets married to each other, but also to God,
as God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) is the head of the marriage. As
God is the head of the marriage, this means the couple should not
separate as husband and wife until death. There are a few reasons for
divorce- more on that later.
While it is typically encouraged for the newly wed couple to live
separate from other people in their own home, it is not frowned upon for
the couple to live with others, such as parents of the bride and groom
or room mates.
Children
Children are encouraged to be brought forth after the marriage begins.
As a physical relationship is not allowed before the wedding, babies
should be born after the wedding has taken place. If a couple decides
not to bear children or are physically unable to bear children, this is
perfectly acceptable and not a reason for divorce. Children are to be
baptized soon after being born and brought up in the Lutheran faith.
Roles within the Lutheran Marriage
The roles of husband and wife are perhaps what sets Lutheran marriage
apart from most other marriages. According to the Biblical teachings of
the Lutheran Church, the husband is the head of the household and of
the marriage. The wife is to submit to the husband. This is the most
confusing part for most people, so I'll do my best to explain.
Regarding big decisions, the husband is to make the final call, with
input from the wife. The husband is to base his decisions,
whether big or small, upon the best choice for the wife, and, if
applicable, the children. Basically the husband is to live in such a
way as Christ lived and died for the church. The husband is not to make
decisions based on his self-interest. No matter how much the husband
may want something, he is obligated to make all of his decisions based
on the interest of the family. The husband is not to lord his power
over the wife. The husband is to live in a way of humble servitude
based upon what is best for the wife.
The wife is to submit to the husband in the way that the church submits
to Christ. The wife is not to simply do whatever the husband wishes.
The wife should have a thoughtful discussion with the husband regarding
any major decisions and let the husband decide after thoroughly
considering her point of view. Since the husband aught to make every
decision for the well-being of the family, the wife should have nothing
to worry about. However, if the husband fails to make wise choices for
the well-being of the family, the wife is to take on his role and make
the right choice, even at the expense of the husband not being happy
with the decision.
The End of the Lutheran Marriage
Typically the end of the Lutheran marriage is, in the best case, the
death of one of the spouses. If a spouse dies, the surviving spouse is
free to marry another person if the spouse chooses. However, death is
not always the way a Lutheran marriage could end:
Divorce is warranted in three basic circumstances: infidelity, abuse, or
abandonment.
Infidelity can be in the form of an extramarital affair, whether a
physical or emotional affair. Infidelity can also come about in the
form of gambling, drugs, or drinking problems. Infidelity in this case
is called so because the spouse has chosen something else in place of
the marriage and is ruining the marriage in this way.
Drinking, drug, or gambling problems can also be thought of as a form of
abandonment because the spouse has abandoned the other spouse for such
things. Abandonment can also come in the form of physical or emotional
abandonment. Emotional abandonment happens when one spouse does not
actively work on problems within the marriage and instead is acting in
his or her own self-interest.
Abuse can be in the form of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse.
Especially if there are children involved within the family unit, in
this case, the spouse being abused is obligated to leave the abusive
spouse.
In any case, Christian marriage counseling is encouraged between both
spouses before the marriage is absolved. If one spouse refuses
counseling treatment, this can be looked upon as a form of abandonment.
Irreconcilable differences, lack of children, or other reasons are not
viable reasons for divorce in the Lutheran marriage. These type of
issues should be resolved through Christian counseling, which can take
on many forms: discussing marital problems with a Christian
psychologist, a non-Christian psychologist, a psychiatrist, or the
pastor are who a Lutheran married couple are to look for guidance in
resolving these issues.
In Conclusion
Lutheran marriage can be a complicated subject for many non-Lutherans,
especially concerning roles in marriage. Lutheran marriage comes with
strict guidelines for what is and is not acceptable in the eyes of the
church. In case of questions, seek out the advice of a Lutheran pastor.
Yes
No
Flag
Comments
Add a new comment - No HTMLYou must be logged in and verified to post a comment. Please log in or sign up to comment.