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Manipulate your way into friendships, jobs or just be in control what others think of you.

By Edited Jan 13, 2014 0 0

Either you are a StarWars fan or not, you are aware of the concept of controlling ones mind. It is a simple concept really. You want something from someone, you think it and they give it to you.

The difference is that for StarWars fans, you have to move your hand in front of a persons face and use "the force", and you are done. For most of the rest, it is a made-up Sci-Fi feature that is there to tickle your imagination. It is all good if you are going to the movies or planing on telling a story to your children, but this bit of information is rather useless when it comes to business, right ?

If you though "Yes", than bear with me for another option that just might help you more than you know.

I am a strong believer that people who cheat or lie are not to be trusted in any circumstance. Now, people that fake emotions or interest just might find themselves in the same category, but what if the interest is genuine ?

Learning basic skills

A little sidetrack. When people are born, they do not do much. With time babies learn to talk, walk and differentiate emotions as well as react to them. At a certain point in that process of learning, people decide to draw the line and stop. They tell themselves : "I have learned enough to live". All of the above mentioned tasks are learned as a result of your needs … to move, to eat, to interact and so on. Basically, you were faced with a need and provided a solution for meeting that need, accordingly you used it. It sounds natural and perfectly normal.

People are ecocentric. The human ego is big and fat (in most of us anyway, especially in the modern society). So why don't people learn to manipulate with other peoples ego to their own advantage ?

Sure, you might say that humanity has been doing it for centuries and you are right. But what you are referring to is the lowest level of this skill. Imagine you could go on your dream date, or land your dream job or sign The Deal that everyone is after. Imagine … that this is not Sci-Fi but scientific fact. It is a skill level that you did not learn, because you drew the line and said "I learned enough".

Genuine interest

There are quite a few published papers and books out there with proof on the subject and I refer to them from experience.

My personal experience started years back. I was always a control freak in most aspect of life, and the idea of losing opportunities due to lack of knowledge seemed like a disaster. So I continued learning.

Attention Manipulation
Just like the walking, eating and socializing skills, I learned to "manipulate" at a more advanced level (it actually sound more terrible than it really is). One of the researches that I liked most was Dale Carnegies "How to Make Friends and Influence People". After reading it a few times (in different periods of my life), I finally saw results. Sometime close to my 30s, I applied for a job. By that time I was literary forcing upon myself the technics described in the book for at least 2 years now. At first, I was clumsy and one could tell with ease that the question or interest shown by me was out of place. With time, I got better. By the time of the interview I referred to earlier, I would like to think I got rather good at it.

I have to mention, the interview was not the moment when I first succeeded, but rather when I realized the skill was now a part of me. Just like I walk, eat and talk, that is the same way I pet other people's ego. Needles to say, i got the job I really wanted back then. I barely talked about my resume and qualifications. Most of the talk was done by the person interviewing me. He talked about the hard path to success and why the company is in such a great place right now, and of course, why he is to thank for that. Just like that, I made him feel good about himself. His ego was happy, so he was happy and so he felt really happy with me and the interview.


When I walked out of the room, I revised the last 2 hours and a half (it was suppose to be a 30 minutes encounter). I walked in to the room, I took notice of the details, of the diplomas on the wall, of the multiple devices on the table that were considered high tech back then, the shape and position of the furniture. All of this can indicate the comfort zone of the person and what does the ego want to express by this entourage. After all, the Ego surrounds himself with what he is most proud of. After hellos, the small complimentary injections and well placed questions with in the context of the interview led to what the person was looking forward all day, a way to relax and find himself in the place he likes most, his happy place and his egos happy place.

I must make sure that you understand something very important. The interest , questions

Ego trapped
 and compliments, I meant every word of it when I talked to the person. You see, with time it becomes a part of you, and this is like an unconditional reflex - natural and perfectly normal, just like eating, walking or socializing. It was a genuine interest.

The skill, just like any other is not limited to a certain sphere of your life. You will catch yourself using it anywhere and everywhere and you will notice how people around will regard you with respect. The way I see it, it comes with a cost. Just like when you choose to consume energy in order to confront someone (mentally or physically), I choose focus energy to subdue my ego, pet the other persons ego and make him feel comfortable. After all, when people are comfortable they are not that defensive. When people are less defensive, you have a higher chance of being perceived positively. After all, is that what most of the society wants ?



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