Don't Deny Your Attractions, Just Put Some Thought Into Them

It is no simple thing to meet and marry a foreign partner.  This is especially true of a foreign partner who comes from a different continent, a different culture or a different language.  It requires a lot of pre-planning, give and take on the part of both partners and patience with communication barriers and cultural misunderstandings.

However, as the world is becoming smaller and smaller, interracial and cross-cultural relationships are becoming more and more common, and frankly, the rewards and benefits of such pairings probably outweigh the disadvantages.

If you’re a person who is attracted to members of a different culture, ethnicity, race or language and you’re thinking of pursuing this attraction to its logical end, then you need to be thinking about the roadblocks now and planning how you’ll get around them.

Let’s start with a simple example, but remember, the issues raised by this example apply whether we’re talking American/Chinese, or French/Latina or even broader based examples such as North American/Asian or European/African.


As an Example, Take an American Man & a Chinese Woman

American Man & Chinese Woman

So, for example, let’s say an American man sets out to find a wife among Chinese women. Whether he's still halfway across the world or is an expat in China, how far into the future does he plan ahead?  If part of his future plans involves living the rest of his life in his home country, how would a China wife fit into those plans?  The fact is, uprooting a person from his/her home environment, especially when he/she comes from a totally different cultural background, is never simple.  If it were, then the man would not find it a difficult choice to make himself, to uproot himself and start a new life in China with his wife. 

When this is the case - a man finding a China life mate and having her move to his home country - a foreign man does have to have at least a skeleton of a plan worked out at the start of his quest for a wife.  This would be a very important step that a man must not skip, especially when he has his heart set on finding a lifetime relationship with a China lady and/or he already has a very serious prospect, maybe even a few.  The apprehensions he would have and difficulties he would expect to face if he was the one who would be displaced and relocated to a totally foreign environment would also apply to his Chinese wife should she be the one to make the big move.

Of course, there are countless successful cross-cultural marriages wherein the China wives were able to successfully adapt to their new environment, their husbands' home countries.  It would be very fair to assume, however, that they encountered a lot of difficulties during the early stages of the relocation.  There are also some instances where a China woman who would seem to have the best capabilities, in terms of emotional and psychological preparedness, to adjust well in a foreign environment would still have the most difficulty dealing with homesickness and a completely new way of life.  For women who may be less eager and prepared to leave everyone and everything they know behind, the situation (or even just the prospect) of being surrounded by complete strangers, foreign sights and sounds, and of being distant from their family and friends, can be more difficult and even frightening.

One of the most difficult challenges she would face is the loneliness and the feeling of isolation, especially when she is left alone at home most of the day while her husband is at work and she has not easy access to transportation.  If there is no Chinese community nearby, or at least a few other people/families from China in the neighborhood, it would be harder for her to socialize, particularly when she's still not very fluent with English (or whatever the language is in her husband's home country).  Not being able to easily find Chinese foods and ingredients would also augment her homesickness.

To make a Chinese wife's adjustment period in a foreign country easier, the husband must plan ahead and get everything that would make her new life easier and less lonely ready before she even makes the move.  It would be ideal if there is a Chinese community or a few other immigrants from China that she can cultivate a relationship with.  Having Chinese folk nearby means she'll be able to talk to them in their native language about all things China and basic stuff she needs to learn about her new community; she'll have people to play mahjong with; she'll have friends who will show her around, especially where to find Chinese foods and ingredients, and with whom she can celebrate the most important Chinese holidays.  If the man lives in a community where his China wife would be the only Chinese, he should seriously consider moving to one where she can be closer to kinfolk. 

It would also help a China woman feel less alone and isolated if her husband's family, such as his mother, is also nearby to help her get settled and keep her company.  Remember that Chinese families are very close-knit; knowing and feeling that she has family around, even if it's an extended and foreign one, would make her feel less unhappy. 

Having easy access to public transport (because she may not be able to drive on her own for quite a while after arriving in the new country) is also important.  It would be better if she can get around the neighborhood, go to the supermarket and other commercial facilities on a bicycle.  Again, the husband might consider moving to a neighborhood where his wife would be able to do this. 

Uprooting a China lady from her country and separating her from her family and friends would be a trying experience for her.  The marriage, being a cross-cultural one, would already have to deal with a lot of unique challenges and the wife feeling lonely and isolated would definitely make the marital problems harder to deal with.  Additionally, looking after the welfare of one's wife should always be the top priority of any man; this becomes even more important in an interracial marriage wherein the wife is placed in a foreign environment.  It is the foreign husband's duty to ensure that her new environment would be as comfortable as possible and her adjustment as easy as he could make it. 

could make it. 

Now, I’ve used the example of a Chinese woman here because that is my particular area of expertise, but the points I’m making apply equally to a Thai women, Columbian women, Russian women or women from any other culture, race, language or most countries, and they apply equally to men too. It could just as easily be an African man and American woman.

And, if you are a person who is considering moving to another nation, culture or into another language in order to be with someone you love, these points also apply especially to you.

Cross-Cultural Issues Affect All Interracial Relationships, Yours Too!

African Husband - American Wife

There is a lot more invaluable information and insights that a foreign man looking for a China wife (or any foreign wife) can benefit from on only the most reputable Chinese dating sites, where other foreign men and Chinese women share their real-life experiences on dating women from China and all things China through excellent blogs and forums.