A Rich SilverFox
Some of us have to work for a living. Then, when we arrive home, a place, which should be our sanctuary, we (ladies to you!) can often be found, slaving over a hot stove, wiping kids dripping noses and angling the toilet brush for a really good scrub. Ah the glamour!
Some women however, have managed to trap themselves a Sugar-Daddy and they are sitting pretty, in the lap of luxury, swanning about in leopard skin mini skirts, having their hair done ( platinum of course!) and eyeing the butler for a bit on the side (well, their husband is 92!). So maybe, it's time, I got myself a bit of this action?
Doing A Bit of Research
Now, it's time for some serious research, so I do what I always do when I need to harness all the brain cells; I jump into a warm, fragrant and inviting bubble bath. I crack open the required trashy magazine and read about the Louboutin clad blonde, who threw in her job as a legal secretary (why is it always a legal secretary?) and started her own online business catering for affluent (not effluent) virtual boyfriends.
My BS detector is going at full throttle however, when I read that her business is totally online and she never actually meets any of these loaded Lotharios. BUT, they send her on all expenses paid dream holidays, shopping trips and spa breaks etc etc. Pull the other one, it plays Jingle Bells!
Suddenly I am visualising this dame, face down in her luxury pool and I throw the magazine, managing to hit the cat, who just happens to be sleeping on my pyjamas. My pyjamas, which just happen to be flannelette, with pictures of clocks on them. Hmmm the type of sheila's who pick up rich Sugar Daddies, are always flouncing about in slinky lingerie, not flannelette. I realise that there is more work to do than I thought.
Blondes Have More Fun?
Continuing my research, surreptitiously, whilst helping the kids with their homework. I notice that most of these nymphs, who manage to lasso a Sugar Daddy, have blonde hair! This trait is so common, that it seems to be a prerequisite for catching a silver fox with money. Time for a hairdressing and beauty appointment.
By Zeus! I am not sure what happened here! The hair dresser convinced me, that I needed "a little pop of colour" and that cats eye glasses were "right on trend". Even worse! when I got home the kids screamed and hid behind the lounge. And my mother- in-law, who was sitting on said chair, merely added in her graveyard voice "what's with carrying on like a pork chop?".
Why are mother in-laws so disaproving?...and why does my mother- in-law look younger than me? Must be the donkey placenta face mask.......or perhaps the Chernobyl laser treatment.
I should be cooking the dinner, but I leave aside the steak and 3 veg to read some of the research material, I picked up at the library (the way I'm going, this may be all I pickup!).
First I peruse a book called Sugarbabe, by author Holly Hill. She makes a few points of interest like, don't worry about looking like a model. That is a relief, however there is no mention that cashed up gigolos, favour those channelling the Bride of Frankenstein. She also says "Stick to a classic bikini wax,". Goodness! I haven't even considered......no.
I pick up another book called Sugar Daddy Diaries: When a Fantasy Became an Obsession, by Helen Croydon. A few pages into the book, the author is plunged into a fantasy life of expensive gifts and first class travel and becomes intimate with brands like Gucci and Prada. Further on, the implication is, that these little "bonuses" are becoming an obsession. I drop off to sleep and am dreaming that I am buried alive by designer fashion and handbags. And yet, I am yelling "more, give me more".
Suddenly I am shaking, there is an explosion". I enter consciousness, the kids, hubby and the cat are shaking my shoulder, all chiming together "whats-for dinner?"
And so ends my fantasy and failed quest to get me a Sugar Daddy.
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(price as of Aug 26, 2015)