The Ultimate Money Management Strategey For Men

Want to build a fortune? It's easier than you think. Unless you're an idiot who doesn't think, then it's probably harder.

Let's be honest: You've been searching the Internet for Money Management Tips For Men and somehow you came across this article. Chances are you're here because you're tired of the same-old advice just doesn't cut it; and you're right. They don't cut it.

You're a man's man. You're ready to cut through the BS and hear what the politically correct financial snobs don't have the guts to say. Grab your checkbook, a cold beer and the latest copy of your favorite dirty magazine, because we're about to get real.

Money Tip #1: Don't Give Your Woman Your Checkbook

(If you're single: First off, congratulations, you'll get rich way faster than the other guys. But for the purpose of this article, this tip won't apply, unless you've got an overbearing mother. Feel free to skip ahead).

There's an old saying that I just made up, it goes something like: "Give a woman 10 bucks and she'll ask for 100." The solution: Don't give her the 10 bucks in the first place. Look guys, I know you love the old 'ball and chain,' but she's a real money drain. Don't believe me? Look in her medicine cabinet. Here's what you'll probably find: Skin cream, foot cream, ankle cream, body wash, make up, make up remover, expensive shampoo, even more expensive conditioner, some Italian brand of leave in conditioner, toe nail polish and God only knows what else. The worst part is that all that stuff is expensive; and she blows through it fast. I'm not saying your special lady isn't worth a little pampering, but this is stuff constitutes a serious spending habit, and would you give your heroin-addicted landscapers 200 dollars per month for their addiction? Probably not. But if you would, then you really need to read the next tip.

Money Tip #2: Don't Do Drugs

Go ahead, get the McGruff The Crime Dog jokes out of your system, I'll wait. No seriously, take all the time you need, I need to take a leak anyway...

Personally, I could give a rat's left butt cheek if you decide the junkie lifestyle is for you. I'm not your dad. If you want to put your paycheck up your nose every two weeks, that's your decision. Just realize it will make you broker than Mike Tyson's charity manager. That goes for all addictive habits that cost money, too.

Money Tip #3: Don't Buy Crap You Don't Need

Wouldn't it be nice if those financial authors would just say this? It'd save them the effort of writing 400 more pages of pure crap, plus a few sequels when their own funds dry up (I'm not pointing any fingers, but how many of these guys do you suppose would have a problem with my Tip #2?).

The point is, if you don't need it, don't buy it. Is your super fancy cell phone four months old and sucks compared to the newest model? Too bad. Wait until you can get the upgrade price, or better yet, run yours until it dies. No need to buy a new phone every two years just because you can. That goes for everything else, too. Do you really need that collector's edition Big Lebowski DVD just because it has a different colored case? Hell no, put it back and go watch the copy you already have.

Money Tip #4: Don't Drive Like An A-Hole

No matter what you drive, aggressive driving absolutely kills your gas mileage. And it makes people want to hit you in the sack, too. Don't be the guy who mashes the accelerator every chance he gets, or winds in and out of traffic like a drunk Mel Gibson. Besides, not only does this kill your gasoline budget, but it will eventually destroy your insurance. A couple nasty speeding tickets (or a wreck or two from your dumb driving) will up your insurance payments by five times or more.

Money Tip #5: Eat Off The Dollar Menu

You don't need the rib eye steak just because it's on the menu. Hell, you don't even need a soda pop. Drink water and cheap food and watch your wallet expand like Fat Elvis. Think about this: If you normally spend $15 per meal for lunch and dinner per day ($3 for drinks, $12 for the food), you're spending $900 a month on stuff you'll just end up crapping out anyway. But if you can eat for $6 per meal, you'll save about $540, leaving your total meal bill somewhere in the $360 range.

What can you do with that $540? A ton. That's like a car payment for a brand new car, unless you didn't take my advice in tip #4 and you spend more on car insurance than Bill Belichick spends on sideline suits.

Money Tip #6: Get Your Kicks On The Internet, Not Magazines

Still subscribed to all those girlie magazines you ordered while in college? Yes? You're an idiot. You have heard of the Internet, haven't you? It's got all the skin you could ever imagine, and it's just a keystroke (sorry - couldn't resist) away. You're already paying for the net anyway, so cancel all the paper magazines and get more for your money online.

Money Tip #7: Don't 'Keep Up With The Joneses'

You've heard this all before, but if your neighbors/friends/coworkers/pimps/dealers get something nice, you don't need to do the same. Just because they just bought a new 60-inch 3D flat screen that makes Linda Hamilton's nipples in the Terminator love scene jump right into your lap in crystal clear definition doesn't mean you need to get one to keep up. Let them buy all the expensive crap they want, then laugh when the repo man takes their SUV in the middle of the night. If you're feeling inadequate, don't compensate through commerce, do something more creative, like sleep with their wives.

If You've Made It This Far...

Congratulations, you're either a smart fella looking to stretch his dollar as far as possible, or a member of the jury who was just handed this article by the prosecuting attorney. If the latter is the case, I'm innocent, I'm to pretty for prison.