When the song said that breaking up is hard to do, they weren't lying. For all kinds of reasons â some that make sense, some that don't â breakups happen to people every single day.
And, inevitably, some breakups take longer to recover from than others. Maybe it wasn't your fault. Perhaps you weren't given an explanation. Maybe you know why and you instigated the split, but you still can't seem to move forward.
Whatever the reason, the time that you spent together was something you became used to. It became a part of the person you are, and to not have that person in your life, to share your thoughts and hopes and dreams with can hit hard. It's like missing a part of yourself, and taking the time to recover does not happen overnight.
So, how do you go about moving on after a breakup?
- Break all contact. It's over. It's done. Finished. Finito. Fin. Make plans to return anything of theirs ASAP, and then delete their number, block their email and stop wishing for what isn't there.
- Remember you are only human. There will be good days, and there will be bad days. Try to push through the bad days, reminding yourself that they will pass. Each day that passes, the pain will ease â sometimes the change is so slight, we don't even notice, but in a few weeks or months, you should find yourself feeling better more of the time than you feel bad.
- Let go. Take all of their things, those photos of you both and put them away some place out of sight. It's a big step in helping to let go of this relationship psychologically. Try to stop questioning why you broke up and stop looking for explanations or reasons as to why it happened. Now is the time to accept that this is your new reality. Once you are able to do this, you will be able to start embracing the new, single you, and all the positive qualities that a single life can bring.
- Be kind to yourself. Take time to care for your appearance. Indulge in trips to the salon and long, hot baths with a glass of wine and a good book. Taking time to take care of you helps to repair dented self-esteem and rebuild the new, single you.
- Look forward. Now is the time to start planning for your future. Maybe there's some place you've always wanted to see. Or a play, or exhibition you'd like to check out. Start putting things in your diary you can look forward to.
- Don't feel rushed to get back out there. Contrary to what you may believe, not everyone is ready to move on in a matter of days or weeks. It may take yourself longer. Be kind to yourself. If you need more time, take more time. Give yourself as long as you need.
- When you are ready, take things slow. Enjoy being single â even if you hate it â give it a chance, you may just change your opinion. I was single for 3 years (out of choice) before I met my husband. Initially, I hated it, but I grew to love the independence and freedom to do what I liked, when I liked. Being single is a great for us to take time to reflect on past relationships, what worked and what didn't, help see patterns in past relationships and can enable us to make better choices moving forward.