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My Fight Against Deppression

By Edited Nov 15, 2016 5 23

How to Overcome Depression

I had been depressed all over the Winter of 2010/11, mostly over my financial position and thinking I would lose my home. In February 2011 I went to see my doctor and was told I actually had depression, but that treatment was possible.

My symptoms included a total lack of interest in cooking and gardening, two things I used to love. My brain was all over the place. I could not focus on any one idea and the thought of writing was, and is, very stressful. I have had occasional “short thought days” when I have been up all night before, but this was every day. I went into panic mode at the thought of tidying the kitchen and other very basic chores. I was not sleeping and was wide-awake at 2am most mornings.

I have read about depression previous to my illness and understand its cause to be a lack of a chemical called seratonin in the brain. Seratonin is a neuro-transmitter that helps electrical impulses to propagate from one neurone to the next in the brain. This chemical is made in the brain and there are other chemicals made that absorb it called seratonin inhibitors. I was put onto tablets called SSRIs (selective seratonin receptor inhibitors).

The first effect of these tablets was to make me terribly thirsty all the time; that took a few months to wear off. I slept at night and for about three hours every day for two months. The daytime sleepiness has now worn off.

Every day I can feel my brain getting better. Initially my brain felt as though it was the junction of twenty hollow glass tubes, each one being one thought. Before I started taking the tablets I knew the tubes were there, but each one was blocked by fog. I could not progress any single thought. Day by day the fog receded and I could travel further down each tube. My thoughts were becoming longer again as the seratonin levels in my brain were increasing.

After two months I regained interest in food and a month later I was enjoying gardening again. I found writing to be extremely stressful, especially longer pieces. After six weeks I could do 300 word blog posts, but anything longer sent me into a near panic.

This is the first article I have written since my illness and I have to fight to keep my panic under control. I am hoping that writing will have a cathartic effect and that I can make more progress by setting myself monthly targets. I have to overcome the fear barrier that deppression has set up in my mind.

My anxiety levels are high, even as I write this, but I can feel them morphing into less formidable obstacles minute by minute.

This month, May, I will write:

5 articles on Infobarrel

2 or 3 posts every week on all my blogs

Start using Postrunner again and write 31 backlink posts on there over the month

This list might sound very unambitious, but even writing them down like that is something I find very difficult to do. I want to make sure that my targets are achievable.

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Comments

May 2, 2011 5:34am
freedomw
About six years I went to help for my depression. I'm glad I did. I"ve been taken anti-depressants since I received professional help, which has helped me. Because of my mindset has changed for the better, I feel positive that I will live a long time.
May 2, 2011 6:38am
Philtrate
Thanks for that Insight freedomw. I realise I will need the anti-depressant medications for the rest of my life and I am very glad I went for help.
May 2, 2011 7:50am
dadbintheadmin
I too, have suffered from depression and anxiety for many years but only sought professional help and medication just about 2 years ago. I was always afraid that taking anti-depressants would turn me into a zombie, but it got so bad that the idea of being a zombie was better than the way I was feeling. That turned out not to be the case and it was the best decision I ever made.

I don't know about the UK, but I think depression is still a very difficult topic for Americans to discuss. Your article is very inspirational Phil; maybe it will give me courage to write about my experiences as well. Thank you for sharing.
May 2, 2011 9:09am
Philtrate
Thanks for commenting. It may be that Europeans find depression easier to talk about than Americans, but that has only happened over the past 20 years. One reason I wrote the article was to encourage other sufferers in the same position. There is nothing to be ashamed of in a chemical imbalance and perhaps as more people understand the cause of this illness it will be more accepted as a topic of conversation.
May 2, 2011 9:34am
Deborah-Diane
Phil, I am so glad that you started taking the anti-depressants, and that you are beginning to feel better. Achieving the goals you have set for yourself will help, as well. We are all rooting for you!
May 2, 2011 10:05am
Philtrate
Thankyou Deborah. It was tough, setting them out, but having done so I think it will help. I appreciate your support
May 2, 2011 9:38am
southerngirl09
I am so glad you are on the mend, and I look forward to seeing you on IB more often. Sharing your story will certainly be helpful to the many who are suffering from depression. Welcome back!
May 2, 2011 10:07am
Philtrate
Thanks southerngirl. I am glad to be back and in circulation again.
May 2, 2011 10:23am
MoGo
You are a brave and inspirational person Phil! Last year I also suffered from shock, anxiety and depression because of a major event in my life. With support from my spouse, family and friends I did feel better.The healing will come in time, thanks for sharing.
May 2, 2011 10:46am
Philtrate
Thanks MoGo. I don't know about brave, it's taken me a long time. I just feel it is a necessary step on the way to recovery.
May 2, 2011 10:24am
Sookie
i am so glad you are back, we have missed you here!
May 2, 2011 10:47am
Philtrate
Thanks Sookie. I need all my IB friends and your support
May 2, 2011 11:10am
nbcontributor
Wish you all the best, Phil.
May 2, 2011 11:12am
Philtrate
Thanks NB
May 2, 2011 11:40am
vetochemicals
Phil, I hope you'll also add exercise in any form - walking is great to increase the happy endorphins, more oats and definitely vitamin B as well as recognizing how the seratonin helps you.

This was a difficult subject to share but, you did it! and I hope you'll write more articles on it since it's a prevelant subject and your first hand knowledge will surely help many others.

Are you able to correct the title? Hope so and I'll tweet this for you. Try stumble upon and, she told me or google reader for more traffic. Hugs:)
May 2, 2011 12:37pm
Philtrate
Thanks Veto. My gardening gives me most of my exercise. B vitamins is not something I had thought of, but I will.
Re the title. I checked and that is a common mis-spelling that people search for, so I will leave it stand. Next article I will spell it right and interlink the two. I appreciate your suggestions and thank you
May 2, 2011 12:33pm
footloose
Good on you for your share. I live with a man who has been clinically depressed for many years, he has chronic pain to boot, and is definitely addicted to pain killers. It's been really tough, and we have filed for divorce (our 34th wedding anniversary is coming up!). We are taking this courageous step to enhance our lives.Your article is uplifting in the courage you showed to share. Look, you just gave me the space and courage to share. THANK YOU, keep getting better.
May 2, 2011 12:44pm
Philtrate
Footloose...You are the one showing bravery here, not me. I wish you well and hope things work out for you. Thankyou for your kind remarks
May 2, 2011 12:57pm
mommymommymommy
Phil, thank you for writing this and sharing with us what you are going through. I know that it has been a help to all that have read it, and will continue to be.

I get B12 shots every month, as I do not produce enough on my own. It gives me energy and helps with my weight to boot!

So happy you are back!
May 2, 2011 1:23pm
Philtrate
Thanks mommy, you are very kind. B12 it is then, esp. if it helps with weight prob, lol.
May 2, 2011 12:58pm
vetochemicals
Ahhh Phil, I forgot how people misspell words in search - Smart of you! Keep writing on it, I think it will lift your spirits knowing you're helping others cope and also
to Footloose - so sorry to hear of your painful experience and you too could benefit from sharing through writings. Hugs and prayers to you both and others that are suffering from depression. There's a rainbow out there for all of you, hope you'll stay positive:)
May 2, 2011 8:04pm
Venetia
Philtrate: Thank you for writing about your experience....depression is a horrid thing and in my lifetime have had my share of it as well as PTSD. With all the infomation out there no one should suffer and your article will help others seek help and gain understanding. Thank you again for a great article and I am so glad you are feeling better. Peace today, V
May 3, 2011 1:56am
Philtrate
Thanks Venetia. I really appreciate your good wishes.
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