After a particularly rough day at office, all I needed to get me smiling again, was no, not a man, but simply a dozen of the ever gentle but infinitely satirical Dilbert and his office capers. Reading Dilbert has become like a tonic, one that keeps me sane amidst the chaos that surrounds office politics. Dilbert has indeed brought back some laughter in to my life, chiefly by making me realize that the world is indeed round and life in the office goes around in circles with each person tagging behind the other just to sort of keep the momentum going. All of us in the circle follow the person in front with the assumption that someone ahead of us knows where we are headed, anyone raising a question on the advisability of stopping or changing tracks is simply left to chug it along alone, while the rest of us continue the daily effort of keeping pace with the others, just enough I might add, to ensure the circle at our end keeps moving.

Dilbert’s one liners brought home another important realization that I alone do not seek out the ridiculous and the absurd as a source of enjoyment. The immense popularity of Dilbert is testimony to the fact that there are many more like me who prefer to treat life and ourselves much more humorously than our more serious counterparts who can spend hours of office time discussing the ethicality of  Hilary Clinton running her own email server while in office.

So instead of participating in the debate on whether Hilary Clinton would have been better served moving her office home rather than attempting it in reverse order, I decided to put down my own list of Dilbert one liner’s. This is my way of paying tribute to Dilbert for restoring my faith in the ability of human beings to survive despite odds mainly because we know how to use humor as a shield.

This is by no means an attempt to make an exhaustive list of the best Dilbert one liners, (there are simply too many to make such an attempt in such a short time), hence they are simply the ones that have had enduring appeal with me which is why I have chosen them to be part of my own “ Dilbert Office Hall of Home”

  • I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
  • The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
  • Born free, taxed to death.
  • Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  • If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
  • In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
  • Someday is not a day of the week
  • The road to success.... is always under construction.
  • To err is human; to forgive is not a Company policy.
  • When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
  • Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
  • Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
  • Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon

Do you have a list of favorite Dilbert one liners as well? If so, I would love for you to share them with me.