Are You a Victim?
A narcissist is a person who is so self-absorbed that there is no room for anyone else. This person lacks empathy and will suck the life out of anyone who can further the narcissist’s goals and ambitions. They shamelessly use others to pump up their false self. For the narcissist, it’s all about them. Even when it’s about you they will flip the situation to being about them. Exploiting others is so callous that it has created in their victims a conditioned called Narcissist Victim Syndrome.
Targets of Narcissist Victim Syndrome experience low self-esteem, confusion about what is happening to them, depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Targets of narcissist often feel disoriented and are always second-guessing themselves, thus crippling their lives.
I was married for 31 years to a narcissist. During the dating phase he showed me an inordinate amount of attention. The next day, after our first date, he sent a dozen red roses to me as a way of thanking me for the date. He called me constantly, and he would often come over before work just to get a kiss.
One red flag that I did not pay attention to was when he broke a date with me 20 minutes before we were to go out so that he could go on a date with an ex-girlfriend who was in town for a couple of days. He told me the girlfriend would stay at his place, sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch. I was in such disbelief that someone would disregard me in this way that it took me a few seconds before I told him that it was over. I will never forget his response: “Please don’t throw away this good thing we have.” Such absurdity astonished me so much that all I could do was repeat that it was over and hang up. Tempted to stay at home and mope, I forced myself to meet my friends for bowling anyway. I had so much fun that I forgot about him and figured “that’s that”. However, in the wee hours of the following morning he called and said he was sorry and that his ex had not stayed over. I took him back. Decades later, after I divorced him, I met the woman who he had supposedly taken out that night at our college reunion and asked her about the date. She told me the date never happened. After all I had been through with him, I believed her. What he had done was to test me to see how much abuse I would take by making up a false scenario. How devious is that?
Being married to a narcissist devastated my self-worth, my hair fell out at the temples, I developed a rash across my chest, and I easily became ill. Often I felt so hopeless that I would despair of my life, sometimes thinking of the what-ifs of suicide.
My ex’s abuse was insidious and deliberate. He would tell me things happened that didn’t, decimate my character to my children, and would throw away my clothes (and claim no knowledge of it) to make me think I was going crazy.
When he would apologize, he would then do the same thing the very next day. When I asked, “What about your apology?” He’d tell me, “I didn’t say I was going to do anything about what I’ve done.” It was bizarre and crazy making.
I didn’t know the name of my condition was Narcissist Victim Syndrome. All I knew was that I had been severely emotionally abused.
Although emotionally abused for years, there is life after a narcissist. I thank God I'm regaining a sense of who I am.