Intrusive thought disorder combined with nonsensical and repetitious compulsions that all played out within the confines of my mind caused me to fall behind in nearly everything. The initial repulsive thought would come and instantly I would counter that with whatever ritual I had found that worked. The ritual would vary because, like anything, as time continued on, the compulsive ritual would no longer be effective in relieving the anxiety that always came along with the uncomfortable obsessive thought. As a kid, growing up in Alabama, I grew up in a very strict and tough environment on the family farm. In those days, any psychological issue of any kind was thought of with a strong stigma. Later in life my parents would tell me they had thought something was different about me but they couldn't say what it was. I had no idea myself until one night as I lay in bed trying to get some sleep when my usual thought patterns enraged to a more drastic level.

After having the thought that I wanted to hurt my wife, who was lying next to me, struck me in such a deep way that I literally felt myself fall into an abyss. I began to search for new compulsions that could overpower that massive level of anxiety and before you know it, I ended up in a mental institution. I realized that something was seriously wrong and that it was totally beyond my abilities to deal with. I sought out their help. I was diagnosed with OCD. I was devastated emotionally, yet, I felt a certain sense of relief that what I had been fighting actually had a name.

Medication therapy along with behavioral therapy helped me to find coping skills that helped me to deal with the issues in a healthier more sensible manner. As an adult it remains a problem that I continue to manage as a part of everyday life. I have learned many techniques that help. The biggest thing I found that helps is knowing that having a thought does not mean you will do what that thought is telling you. The intrusion is from foreign external thoughts and not a voice inside my head telling me to do this or that. Staying focused is much easier after I gained a level of control over the accompanying depression. Life has been much better. Through much reading and many prayers, I have adapted and am able to lead a normal life.