Digging for Nose Nuggets
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     Nose Nuggets. You know you have them, everyone does. Why all of humanity is blessed with this often overlooked resource we are so freely given; All wasted! Imagine the nutritional and recycling value of such a plentiful and renewable resource. Take the average weight of your typical Nose Nugget and calculate how many each person will have per day. Then multiply that with every person on earth!! The numbers would be staggering and show us just how much we are wasting. A revolution has to take place! We must start here so spread the word to every woman, man and child. We now have five ways to finger licking good!

  • Slippery Sam: The one that is sliding down the inside of your nose when you blow it but just wont come out far enough for you to get it. Therefore you must throw in the finger and dig deep because Slippery Sam will slide along the tip of your finger and go farther in! You have to combo blow and dig to get this tasty treat. However it makes up for it in chewiness.

  • Crusty Critters: You know this kind well when you have a cold. Your nose runs when you sleep and you end up with a crusty sheen of goodness stuck around the end of your nose. Harvesting these babies is easy and adds a tasty twang to your otherwise boring breakfast.

  • The Pallet Popper: It's way too deep. You dig, blow and even run your fingers down the side of your nose but it wont budge. That nostril is out of commission. Frustrated, you sniff long and hard, popping out on your tongue from your nasal passages. They are attached you know, at least you do now. How is that for fresh?

  • The Juggernaut: You sneeze so hard that the nugget flies out of your nose like a juggernaut. Flying through the air and landing on the most embarrassing place possible. Your dates arm for example, or your bosses desk. Both sticky and crispy this flying nose nugget is definitely a conversation starter. Usually harvested by others.

  • Deep Thought: As the name implies, this nugget comes from the deepest darkest recesses of your sinus cavities. Taking weeks to form its serpentine shape, only showing its head when the time is right. Remember the commercial “You can have no wine before it's time”, applies here. When you finally get your finger on it, the nugget is seemingly normal. However, as you try to pull it out, you can feel the other end of it detaching from your brain to follow the rest of its body out of your nose. You keep pulling and it keeps coming. Eventually you will get it all out and it will weigh in at an inch or more in length. This is one spectacular harvest! You get chewy, gooie and sticky all in one lime green package. Your vegan friends might be interested in the significant nutritional value and recycling potential. Enjoy! (slight drop in IQ may be noticed)

      So you can see there are at least five different ways to finger licking good. You can help the environment by recycling and treat your body to a nutritional snack! People wont find surprises under their desks, chairs and coffee tables anymore! What a great service for humanity! Remember spread the word, we now have five ways to finger licking good!

The Nose
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(price as of May 29, 2015)