Sexual Abstinence By Example?
It has always been said that parents should lead by example. If you want your children to be good readers, then they must see that you also love to read. If you want your children not to smoke, then you should not be a smoker. If you want your children to be honest citizens, you shouldn't be avoiding taxes and shoplifting. A famous saying is that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That saying has been proved true in many cases. However, how do you lead by example when it comes to sex education and sexual abstinence? Will you completely give up sex (sexual abstinence) just because you want your children to remain chaste until they are old enough to get married and lead an independent life? If you think about the amount of years your children are dependent on you, your sex life will be absolute zero if you were to teach sexual abstinence by example. I guess there will also be no room for siblings. Not unless you are one of those who believe babies come from supermarkets like Walmart, Tesco or Carrefour. It is true that parents should lead by example, but not always. Sexual abstinence is one of those situations where you cannot take the lead and get your children to follow.
Yes sex is everywhere and parents all over the world are striving hard to protect their children from premature sexual encounters and encourage sexual abstinence. The psychological effect is a big responsibility that most teenagers are unprepared for. Furthermore, you have the other side effects like Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) or unwanted pregnancies. It is a difficult thing to educate your children without stifling them or exasperating them when you preach sexual abstinence. You spend months, years trying to raise and properly educate your children; only to see your hard work reduced to ruins within days or weeks.
Can you really lead by example and promote sexual abstience? No you cannot. It is one of those things that you will have to talk about with your children and hope they can resist the pressure laid upon them. The only key to successfully teaching sexual abstinence is communication. Communication is not the same as to talk. To talk implies a one way speech. To communicate involves listen and understand the point of view of your interlocutor. Some parents will try to talk their way through the supposed conversation about sexual abstinence. They would try to glance over the questions. You will not achieve much if you approach the situation sheepishly. You need to be prepared for those uncomfortable questions and sex and sexual abstinence. You need to be truthful and precise in the information you pass on to your offspring. They know when you are embarrassed and when you are not being forthcoming (parenting isn't easy). Sometimes, they already know the answers but will like your opinion on the question of sex and sexual abstinence. Remember, you have always being the source of information and the moral compass. It is only normally that they will like your point of view about such an important subject as sex and sexual abstinence. Children can be evil and could try to embarrass you with intimate questions like, "Do you also practice sexual abstinence?". There is no need to be intimidated. You should know your children enough to navigate the situation. By the way, you might have to approach the issue if your children are a little reluctant to ask questions about sex and sexual abstinence. You cannot afford to hope that they will learn from someone. Who is that someone else? What will the 16 year old in school teach your child about sex and sexual abstinence? How great his one night stand was? That is a dangerous route that you will not want your children to tread. It is your responsibility to make sure your children understand and sex and sexual abstinence and act accordingly.
Some parents try to avoid "THE" question thinking sooner or later their children will find out the correct answer. Sexuality is not something you could make a wish about and it will suddenly disappear. It will not disappear and you will have to deal with it sex and the question of abstinence. The sooner you raise your head to cross the bridge, the better. When is it too young to educate your children about sex and eventually sexual abstinence? Children become aware of their body at a very young age. They might ask question about body parts and not immediately about sexuality and sexual abstinence. The sexual abstinence part will come later. The earlier you start to educate yourself and find the right words to use, the easier it will get when you have to explain more detailed part of the anatomy and its usage. With little children, you could get away with short answers about the anatomy. With bigger children come bigger questions about the intricate details of sex and sexual abstinence.
A woman once jokingly said that her mother lied to her when she asked her why her stomach was so big. Her mother lied and said she ate too much. That caused a roar of laughter and her mother was really embarrassed by the revelations. Talking about sex can be really difficult and sexual abstinence is not easier either. Another woman said that her mother never told her what menstruation was. When she got her first period, she thought she was going to die. She thought she might have contracted a deadly disease. She was too embarrassed to talk about it. She only got an answer when a school friend brought along a book detailing periods and womanhood. From then on, she knew she was not going to die but still couldn't confront her mother about sexuality and what to do. She said, "in those days we just never talked about things like that". Parents, we are no longer in those days.
Teaching sexual abstinence is like telling your children that something is really good but at the same time, it is not. How can sex be an expression of love and they are not allowed to participate? Why are you able to participate and they are told to think about sexual abstinence? If you do your best to explain the advantages of sexual abstinence, you will go a long way in preparing your children for the future.
A word of caution, if you don't want your daughter to have premature sex, don't allow her to have a boyfriend. That will be counter productive and will defeat the aim of sexual abstinence. What is the point? You should already know that a boy and girl cannot safely be friends. Sexual attraction is bound to get things mixed up. The same goes for your son. An analogy that might help to make it clearer is alcoholism. Why would an alcoholic want to go into a pub or a bar? Sexual abstinence means keeping your children out of danger. You cannot lead by example, but you can lead by being pragmatic and taking the initiative to educate your children about sex and sexual abstinence.