I love being married to my husband. He is strong and has integrity. He is also military. My family is looking down the barrel of a deployment of my husband to Afghanistan. Although this is all new to me, I have come to realize that I must prepare him, our children, and myself for this inevitable truth.
When my husband gets deployed this year, it will be his 4th deployment in his military career. I don't mind telling you that I am terrified. My husband and I got married in May of 2009. Our family is a blended family and my children adore him. They finally feel safe for the first time since my last life took a crap. (another story).
At first, the news of his deployment had me in tears. It still does but I have to keep it to myself. I realized that preparing him to leave and preparing my kids had to come first. Then when he leaves and he can't see me, I will take a week and cry it out.
One of the first things I did to prepare for this deployment was to come to terms with it. First of all, it is not his first time. So he is not green and knows exactly what to expect. This gives me alittle comfort, not much but alittle. I had to sit down and mentally prepare for all scenarios. I know this sounds horrible, but if I am mentally prepared then I can get through it.
Now that I was mentally prepared for just about anything, I could focus on the chores at hand.
One of the things that my husband wants to bring with him is his computer. The computer will give us access to each other while he is gone. I sent his computer to my brother who is a computer tech and had him install the program that was needed for him to be on his webcam to home. Then I had his computer upgraded with more memory. (Just incase)
The next thing on my list was to show him that I was capable of taking care of everything while he was gone competetantly. I do not show him the times that I am an emotional wreck because he can't do his job there if he is worried about me here. Don't get me wrong, we have talked at length about the situation, but he knows that I am a good single married person.
I have informed my parents of the upcoming event but we are not telling his parents until we are officially notified. I told my parents that before he goes, I want the entire family at my house for a "barbque" to show him that we are all backing him up. He will have a huge network of family and friends to back him. I want him to know that I have a large network of people who will be there if I need anything.
The next thing I have decided was that I will be putting in my notice at work when he is notified. We feel that my children will need me closer to home while he is gone. They will be devastated when this becomes a reality. I will still be working but I will be working at home. I am putting it all together now so that when it is time, I will not lose my income.
When we get official notification, we will sit down with the kids and discuss with them why, how, what to expect, and their responsibility (which will be to pray)
There are many families who are facing this deployment. If yours is one of them, then prepare. Don't pretend that it is not happening. Contact the nearest base and look into family support programs, get a network of friends and family. Support will be your life line.
Prepare yourself for the loneliness. What will you do if the loneliness hits? Are you strong enough to remove any temptation?
Be prepared to handle all situations on your own. Your spouse should not have to worry about issues at your home. You will want to keep all conversations upbeat and keep problems, (like the son came home late last night) to yourself.
One last thing I want to address is trust. Remember who your spouse is. Remember why you love them. Don't let your imagination run away with you. Be careful not to pick fights or arguements while they are gone. They have a dangerous job to do and they have to focus on that. If they are worrying about little skirmishes with home, they will not be able to focus. Just a side note: i know a couple, he is deployed and she is at home. She constantly accused him of cheating and picked fights with him until he was scattered. He was careless and lost his life. Don't let this happen. this is a trying time for both of you. don't assume anything is going on.
Finally, pray. pray for an end to this whole mess. Ask God to protect your spouse and your family.