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Protecting Your Marriage from Intruders

By Edited Aug 18, 2016 9 18

How to Protect Your Marriage from Intruders

If you’re married and want to stay married, you’ve got to learn how to protect your marriage from intruders. I’ve been married for roughly 13 years and I know what intruders can do to a beautiful relationship. Intruders can mess up a blissful marriage.

What are Marriage Intruders?

They are any third-party that can disturb the equilibrium, peace or intimacy between couples. Believe it or not, your children could be intruders, same as your job, parents, friends, hobbies, etc. One way my husband and I have secured ourselves from intruders is to draw the lines. Understanding each other has also helped us greatly.

When I say draw the lines, I mean we differentiate between our time together as a couple and our time with the kids. We also differentiate between our time for work and time for pleasure. We believe in focusing on our individual jobs while at work but once work time is over, we face the home. As much as possible, we try not to take work home from the office, but in some instances, especially on my part, we break the rule but I try to make up for it in a way I know my husband would appreciate (that is why I earlier said a bit of understanding one another has helped us).

We also draw the lines when it comes to dealing with the kids; we don’t allow any kid come between us, after all, we were alone before the kids came. This is so sensitive, particularly when one partner disciplines a child for an offence and the other party isn’t happy about it. This happens so many times in our relationship because I’m a mother and mothers are naturally over-protective of their kids. But I’ve learnt to hide my feelings and later communicate same to my husband privately.

List of Marriage Intruders

Work, Children, Outside hobbies and interests, Sports, In-laws, Friends, Church, Financial Involvements, Television, Internet, Computer Games, Shopping, Illness, Addictions, Affairs, etc

Most of these items aren't bad in and of themselves. Yet, when they come in between a couple’s love, they could be destructive. You will need to work to protect your marriage.

A marriage is only as strong as what it costs to protect it. In other words, you value what you invest in. If you have spent time, effort and sacrifice in preserving your marriage from other influences, your odds of a sold marriage are better.

Tips to Protect Your Marriage

From my experience, I can say couples who spend quality time together stay together. We all live busy lives but we should make our time together as a couple sacrosanct. We should make it our top priority if we want to make our marriage work.

Don’t neglect your husband (or wife) by staying glued the Television set all night.

Don’t neglect your husband (or wife) by pouring all your attention on the kids (I’m particularly guilty of this but I’m getting over it).

Don’t sit near your husband (or wife) and be engaged with your Ipad, Iphone or whatever technological device you own. In marriage creed, it’s a sin not to listen and pay attention when the other partner is trying to communicate. Communicate deeply with one another. Openly talk about your wobbles and foibles; your worries and triumphs. This helps to create a convivial atmosphere around the home.

Plan outings without the kids; if they’re still young, get a caregiver to watch over them and go out with your partner to watch your favourite movie, pop some fresh popcorn in your mouth and gobble cups of freshly made ice cream. It helps to put less strain and pressure on your marriage.

Protecting Your Marriage Will Cost You Something; Are You Prepared to Pay the Price?

Most of us like to avoid having to say "no" in life. This is because it causes anxiety and can upset people. Yet reality dictates that in order to say "yes" to keeping a close marriage, you will have to say "no" to lots of other things. A life of "yes" to everything else ultimately results in a "no" to your marriage. You simply do not have the time, resources, or energy to do everything you want to do.

Marriage involves much more work than two loving people keeping love alive. It means doing some hard work in forsaking, or leaving other things behind. This is not so easy. Many newly weds are often disheartened to find that they are constantly having to say "no" to many things to maintain their marriage. And that's the price to pay to stay married. Are you prepared to pay the price?

How to Deal with Infidelity in Your Marriage

Infidelity is probably the most hurtful intruder for a marriage and has led to the end of many a struggling relationship. What should a couple do if they discover their mutual trust has been broken? What should a husband do if he discovers his wife has been unfaithful? Or what should a woman do if she discovers her husband has broken their marriage vows? Should she file for divorce? I don’t believe divorce is the solution even though the Bible allows divorce on the grounds of infidelity, it does not demand it. Now, where do you place forgiveness if you file for divorce because your partner has been unfaithful? I honestly believe forgiveness should come into play when resolving issues of infidelity. Rather than put a couple apart, resolving such an issue will draw them closer than before.  It’s hard, I know but it can be done if you make up your mind to work for the success of your marriage by protecting it from intruders.                                                          

Don’t Neglect the “G” Factor

I strongly believe submitting your marriage to a higher authority would make it successful, so, don't neglect the "G" factor. If you do, who knows, you could celebrate many years of a happy married life.

As much as I've shared tips that can help you protect your marriage, I honestly think you need further reading on this subject. After digging around, I came into contact with a book by Dr Willard F. Harley (Jr), a relationship expert on how to get rid of love busters in your marriage. It makes excellent reading and I highly recommend it. Get more information about the book below.

Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love
Amazon Price: $19.99 $8.80 Buy Now
(price as of Aug 18, 2016)
Most times we get married and allow our individual habits to ruin our love lives. We have to find a way to get rid of these love busters and this book teaches how in clear and simple terms. Get it and improve your relationship with your spouse.
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Comments

Nov 19, 2012 9:06am
mkaiser323
This is some really great advice, and rightly timed too... I've been having some trouble with my own marriage and this could prove to be useful
Nov 20, 2012 12:23am
write4results
mkaiser323,

Glad you found the article useful and wish you the very best with your marriage.
Nov 19, 2012 10:12am
jayhova2312
This is a great article. This is good even for those who aren't married like myself because it gives us clues into what could possibly come down the line.
Nov 20, 2012 12:24am
write4results
jayhova2312,
Yes, this surely will help even the unmarried.
Nov 19, 2012 11:16am
southerngirl09
Good advice! Many people these days say the vows without making the commitment. As Jayhova2312 said, your information will help those who have not yet made the commitment, too. Thumbs Up!
Nov 20, 2012 12:25am
write4results
southerngirl09,
Glad you mentioned the word commitment. It's so vital to the success of any marriage.
Nov 19, 2012 10:53pm
claytonjrabens
I disagree with these points. Marriage is another things and viewing kids as disturbance moreover intruders is one of the worst point I've ever heard. Kids are everything. "We were alone before kids?" Are you kidding me? You shouldn't have kids if they are so much of a problem. My take a man/woman who can't be comfortable with his/her kids always can't have a happy life ever, let alone thinking them as obstruction in relationships.
Nov 20, 2012 12:30am
write4results
claytonjrabens,
You have a right to disagree with any points mentioned in the article but there's no suggestion to the fact that children are an obstruction in a relationship. All the article tries to say is the fact that couples should find time for one another. They shouldn't allow anything to disturb their relationship together. This is because some couples get to the point that they no longer enjoy their partner, they're enduring the marriage because of one or two things that bind them together and I'm saying it shouldn't be so. Marriage should be enjoyed by the couple,despite the fact that they have other interests, like kids.
Nov 20, 2012 1:19am
claytonjrabens
Yeah, I get the fact of what you're trying to say, which is,
"Personal Satisfaction/Enjoyment is more important Parental commitment."
Hats off dude/gal, kudos! Couldn't agree with you more.
Nov 20, 2012 4:56am
write4results
claytonjrabens,
I'm a gal and yeah, I'm glad you finally got the point I was trying to make!
Nov 20, 2012 4:19pm
phatefullife
I think this was a great article! I think you bring up a lot of great points. Kudos for a fantastic and thought provoking article!
Nov 20, 2012 7:16pm
write4results
phatefullife,
Thanks, I'm glad you found the article useful!
Dec 14, 2012 2:15am
Januarius
Very interesting thoughts to protect the sanctity of marriage.
Bottle is one of the great intruders.
Dec 14, 2012 3:50am
write4results
Januarius,
Thanks for stopping by but I didn't quite get the bottle part. Do you mean alcohol? Sorry, I'm just guessing here but you can explain better.
Dec 21, 2012 2:21am
Bobski606
Thanks for writing such a great article. I've been trying to find out how to improve my relationship and these ideas are just what I needed.
Dec 21, 2012 4:49am
write4results
Bobski606,
I'm glad to be of help. I wish you the best as you try to improve your relationship.
Jun 2, 2013 12:07am
Januarius
Your article has not ceased to interest me.The intergrity of marriage has to be preserved as per the vows-"until death do us part."The worst of the intruders is infidelity or cheating. Infidelity has brought divorces and other disastrous effects-HIV/aids.To reap happiness,spouses must be decisively faithful to each other.
Faithfulness is rooted in mutual trust.
Jun 11, 2013 3:02am
write4results
Januarius,
I agree that faithfulness is a must for marriages to thrive and succeed! Thank you!
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Bibliography

  1. Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend Boundaries in Marriage. Michigan: Zondervan, Jul 30, 2002.

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