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I identify as an agnostic in my life philosophy, this means that I don’t believe in a God, who has designed this experience, but I can’t disprove the existence of such a character. I recently have been watching debates between atheists (the belief that there is no God) and creationists (the belief that everything is part of an intelligent design). Despite growing up in a Christian home I find it hard to believe that adults can believe in creationism. Scientists call this “gap filling,” which, in my opinion, is a poor substitute for logical explanations for how and why we are here. My words may seem like an attack on those who prefer stories to facts, but they are not. I want answers, which don’t end with the phrase, “You just need to have faith.”

Faith and I have a terrible history because I have loved science and logic ever since I can remember. When I was in church, I would have complicated questions for my teachers, and the stock answer would be to increase my faith or that all things would be answered after I died. Postmortem promises didn’t satisfy me as a child, and they don’t placate me now. I made my final break from church when I lived on my own. It was fairly simple because my familyBoardsCredit: Deposit Photos didn’t reject me even though I rejected the faith. My community is my family so the church congregation had no hold emotionally over me to remain. A few months after I had left the church and denied all requests for visitors a couple from the congregation knocked on my door. Per usual, the woman had little to say and her husband chastised me for being weak and unfaithful to God. “You need to be humble,” were his final words before I shut the door. My retort was, “I am sick of humility when it means I can’t ask questions and have them answered logically. In my eyes having faith means ‘I don’t know’ is a sufficient answer and that’s not good enough.” The woman was obviously distressed, and the man shook his head in disbelief. There were no attempts to revive my membership after that.

Over the years, I have come up with a list of questions which I hope one day science will answer in a logical way:

If the Christian God exists then why were we created with a flawed nature?

In the Christian faith, I was raised in, we aren’t able to sin until the age of eight. At age eight, we are baptized and confirmed a member. Then God starts keeping track of bad habits. Each week, I can cleanse myself by taking a piece of bread and a drink of water, which have been blessed by a man with the right authority. This belief that I was a continual sinner beat up my self-worth until I found it easier to hate myself. I don’t think my experience is singular because other Christian sects believe that from the moment, we are born, we have the burden of the original sin, which was when Adam and Ever were cast from the Garden of Eden. It seems counterintuitive that an intelligent God would intentionally create flawed beings just to see if they would make it back to heaven.

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If God is real how does she choose whether or not to interfere in our lives?

I can’t remember a time when award ceremonies or sports teams have not included thanking God for talent and or winning a game. It seems an omnipotent God has plenty of time to make sure people win an Oscar or score a goal, but can’t be bothered by important things like peace, feeding the hungry, and sheltering the poor. In my eyes as Richard Dawkins says, “God seems awfully petty and very much like a human.”


If God created humans fully formed then why is it necessary for humans to procreate?

sun 1Credit: deposit photoThis question comes from the idea that God seems overly interested in my personal habits. If I am to be one of the moral people, I should get married and have children to populate the Earth. If God can create people out of this air, why not keep it that way? It would free up a bunch of time and sins for clergy to keep track of. Could it be that religion wants to have a population that it can control rather than a God who wants us to be pure?

Every culture has a creation myth, the bible creation story is not original, is it possible that creation stories are to be used like a Farmer's Almanac instead of a moral compass?

I understand how frustrating it is to want an answer to how and why we are here and to not have it. I am not satisfied with a story to fill the gap between faith and knowledge. Science doesn’t have the answer to the origin of the universe, but they are still looking. It’s intolerable for the answer to be an intelligent design without proof and no further questioning or exploration. I appreciate that there are those who are comfortable with intelligent design and to leave the answer to potential postmortem solution, and I’m glad they can be satisfied, I cannot.

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I don’t ask these questions to incite a debate about beliefs, but I’m continuously searching for the answers to these and other questions. I require proof, and science gives this to me in ways I can as a layman observe. Science invites and actively encourages me to question everything. I was allowed to question in Christianity, as long as I kept concluding that God would provide the answers postmortem. I want my answers and proof in this life. I refuse to be pacified by stories or cowed into silence by those who have seized authority for themselves in the religious sector. Don’t you want to know how and why you’re here for real? Please ask any questions or provide any answers in a comment.