Raven Gives an Exposition on Cat Toys

Raven noticed that her human, George, was pacing again and when he paced nervously, it meant that he was going to go outside. Where would he go? To the Mall of course. How did Raven know? Because that is where he would always go. While there, he loved buying me a cat toy. Then he would come in and with great flamboyance he would unpack the gifts. But give me a break! His gifts were often just plain batty. For instance, George actually bought me a diving board and the set had fake water to jump into. Fake water! And I don't even like real water! So, when my human was unpacking the cat toys I would sometimes go into ecstasy over the wrapping paper. How could he not see the artistic value built into some of the wrapping paper? Moreover, had George not noticed my own grand ability to create art? For instance, did he not notice that I could already make a toy out of most anything?

As I said, I can make a toy out of anything. For instance, I can swing on the curtains, crawl under the carpet and come out where you least suspect, do leaps into the chandelier and use the den floor to perform my floor exercises. I can jump into the air and turn 360 degrees before I have to come down. Like a ninja. I actually look like a ninja, for I am solid black and very athletic. You may get the point now that I am not into receiving human gifts or gifts that humans think I would like. But if you want to make something that will work just get a clothes hanger and attach a string to one end of it. Then attach a light colorful ball on the other end of the string. The human can make circles with it or figure eights and I really like this toy because it is truly challenging. It gives me an opportunity to practice my leaps and flips. Well, then, you might say that I like authentic gifts, but not usually the highly commercialized one that are all supposed to be electronic now days.

What happened to Tinker Toys? Or what happened to my very favorite out of the past-an Erector Set?

Cat Toys Can Be Redefined

Don't get me wrong. There are some commercial items I really go for...but they don't pretend to be toys. For example, I have nothing against cat necklaces, cat carriers and cat towers. I would look good in a diamond necklace. The white light against a black background. That is what I call cool. I could open a store and call it CAT COOL. It would be a clothing store for cats that would also include selling accessories, like the diamond necklace, bracelet, and anklet. So, it would seem that one could redefine what is meant by cat toys. If we expand it, then we would include things that are truly valuable and things that are fun for cats. Thus Cat necklace, cat anklet, cat jewelry, cat clothing, cat towers, etc.

Raven would never steal from her humans, but she did like to hide jewelry from her female human, the wife of George. At midnight, when all were sleeping, Raven would slither along the baseboards until she reached Mrs. G's dresser. She knew there were times when Mrs. G. had had too many martinis and would forget to lock up her jewelry in the family vault. And Raven did admire Mrs. G's diamond necklace. Now this was a real play toy. Raven looked forward to making it a cat necklace, if only for a little while. So she crept onto the dresser and found the necklace. This was her lucky night. Now Raven did not steal the soon to be cat diamonds; they were sprawled onto the center of the dresser and Raven took them in her teeth and was off to her lair. Her lair was not where she slept. She actually slept in Mr.G's closet. But separate from this and behind a massive desk and a file cabinet, Raven had built her lair. It was filled with rings and gold plated fountain pens, and shiny other jewelry. Now it was cat jewelry. Raven loved the luster of the objects, the way they refracted light.

A Police Investigation and Raven's Confession

Mrs. G was in a panic. She thought that a cat burglar had broken in and stole her jewelry. Raven was empathetic. Just as Mrs. G. called the police and reported a theft, Raven decided she must confess that she was only acquiring jewelry for her lair. She meant no harm. The jewelry was not taken away from the home. It was not taken away from the family. So Raven took them all to see her lair and Mr. and Mrs. G. now had not only the necklace but the gold plated pen and a bracelet. Mrs. G. at first wanted to punish Raven, but Mr. G. pointed out that Raven had an entirely different view of private property than the humans practiced. They thought that when something was not being used, it was fair game for the one who uses it. So, instead of punishing Raven, they should celebrate, for Raven had shown them where the jewelry was and she had not absconded with them. They were safe and Mrs. G returned them to the vault, located near the cat towers. Raven's lair was not disrupted and Raven decided to decorate her lair with spoons and forks that were silver plated. For her craving for diamonds, Raven learned that she could get almost the same emotional boost from crystal. So the next time Mrs. G. looked at Raven's lair, she saw a stage made of spoons, forks, knives and crystal. It was intricately designed and the slightest touch would cause it to come tumbling down. So Mrs. G. did not touch it. Raven learned to live with her new budget and shift from diamonds to crystal, and Mrs. G. learned a new respect for Raven and her creativity and they all rejoiced and set the date of the day as a celebration ...a turning point in their family solidarity. Raven had saved the day with her insight into the nature of cat toys.