Rebuilding a Troubled Relationship
There are times when relationships become troubled for one reason or
another. Many times it is just life getting in the way. It is easy to
let the relationship go to the wayside as work, kids, and other
stresses fill up our days. It is these times that one must figure out
what they need to do to rebuild their relationship again. It isn't ever
easy; it always takes work. However, you can rebuild your troubled
relationship and have a good one again. Even the most troubled of
relationships can be rebuilt to one that is strong and will stand the
test of time.
Commitment.
The
first step in rebuilding a troubled relationship is commitment. If both
parties are committed to making it work it can work. However, if one
party refuses to commit to the process of rebuilding the relationship
then it is bound to fail. It will take both people working hard and
taking the time to make it work in order for it to succeed. Often times
this is a commitment that both parties need to make regularly. Whatever
caused stress on the relationship in the first place is still going to
be there and they both need to be determined to make it through.
Both
people should sit down and talk about whether or not they want to be
committed to making it work. It isn't enough to just assume the other
person wants to be there working hard. After all, if one person works
really hard then they may be shocked to find out that it isn't working
and that the other person is ready to throw in the towel. Once both
parties have made a clear commitment to working on rebuilding and
repairing the relationship the work can begin.
- Tip: If both people aren't willing to commit then rebuilding the relationship is impossible.
Communication.
Most people know that communication is important for a good relationship, but few realize that it is the key to rebuilding a bad relationship. Both people need to talk and talk about everything. This isn't always easy to do, especially when there are emotions involved and feelings that have been hurt. This is something that has to continue on for a long while. It takes work to build communication each and every day. Some days it will be easy and others it will be really hard.
- Tip:
Make time to sit down and talk. Use this time to talk about everything
and anything, but make sure you don't end up fighting.
Understanding Love.
Love is one of the most complicated things to understand on this planet. It is a word we use in so many ways and often it is hard to define. We can say things like, "I love blueberry muffins" just after saying "I love you". It is also something that gets confused with a fluttery emotion. We call this "in love". Usually it is the "in love" feelings that get relationships started, but over time these emotions fade. The heart doesn't beat as fast as it once did and the sight of your partner doesn't make you go weak in the knees any longer. Many times it is easy to feel that you have "fallen out of love" once these emotions that make us feel so high are gone. However, real love is much deeper than that and if we remember that real love is unconditional and way beyond emotions then it will take us a long way in rebuilding our relationships and in keeping them strong.
- Tip: Don't base "love" on how you feel. Feelings change like the wind and love is deeper then that.
Falling "in" Love Again.
While we shouldn't be dependent upon the feel good emotions of "in love" it is undeniable that these emotions make us feel good and make it easy to want to be with a person. While these emotions often fade as life steps in, there are things we can do to "fall back in love" with our partners. This can be done by dating, doing things you both enjoy, and spending quality time together (both with and without the kids). It isn't something that will happen in a single night or even a week, but taking the time to remember what you love about the other person, about the things that brought you together, and about the things you enjoyed back in the day.
- Tip: Enjoy a date night once a week or once every other week. Go to places where you used to date. If you still live in the same city then hit up the same spots. If you don't, then hit up similar spots. Enjoy movies, dinner out, and even the bowling alley.
- Tip: Remember your dating times. This is when
the "in love" feelings happen and often it has to do with how we act
and the things we do during this time.
- Tip: Dare to be romantic. Work on lighting the fires again.
Building Trust.
Trust is a hard thing to build. Whether you have done something major to break trust such as cheating or you haven't done anything you can think of that would break the trust the other person has you will need to take time to build trust back up. Often it only takes the emotions and feelings that the other person has to feel like trust has been broken. To build trust you will need to give it time, talk often, and be aware of the feelings the other person has. Don't get upset if they need reassurance from you.
- Tip: Trust is easy to break and hard to rebuild. Be kind, understanding, and trustworthy and it will happen.
Time.
They say time is a healer, and this is certainly the case. Scars may always exist on your relationship, however if you give it time and work toward rebuilding it, you can have a better relationship, one that is strong and can stand the test of time. You must give it time. It could take weeks, months, or even years, but if you work at it and continue to build and grow then you will rebuild the relationship.
- Tip: Be patient. That is definitely not something that is easy to do, but it is a must.
No matter what has happened, or what hasn't happened your troubled relationship can be better. It takes commitment, communication, understanding, work, and time, but it can be done. Your relationship can be better then it ever was before and you can have successful, long lasting, and healthy relationship.
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Comments
This is a great article fulll of fantastic tips. Thank you Dannel.
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