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Relationships: Looking for the Right Love in Your Life

By 5 7

Love - Love - Love

Remember the old Beatles tune "All You Need is Love"? It was a good song but it didn't provide any information on how to find love. Finding love, finding the right love, is probably one of the most desired priorities in life. The only other thing folks may desire more is keeping the love they've found.

Hearts

Looking for love is quite different from looking to satisfy lust. You can find someone to satisfy your libido anywhere, if that's all you're looking for. In fact, with modern technology, you don't even have to leave your home to find some "afternoon delight" (or morning, evening, or late night). Thus, if a physical relationship is all you're after at this point in your life, this article is not for you.

I suspect, however, that eventually at some point, everyone wants to find love, the perfect and right love for them. If that is where you're at, it's time to stop looking in the wrong places – the lust places. It is time to begin looking for a person that is also looking for love.

Relationships: Looking for the Right Love in Your Life

Home is Where the Heart Is

For those who can remember a happy childhood, think back to when you'd come home after a long day at school to a comfy place, with one or both parents who loved you unconditionally. All the problems of a school filled with mean teachers, bullies, or other issues could be temporarily forgotten with a hug and a snack made by a loving mom (or dad).

For those that did not grow up in a loving environment, think back to the very first person that showed you unconditional love – that is your "home" and example. Selfless love gives without expecting anything in return. This is the type of love a parent gives, or is supposed to give, to a child. In return, this is the type of love a child gives, or should give, to an aging, ill parent. In addition, this is the type of love an unselfish partner gives to his/her mate. Unconditional, selfless love is the type of love that is the most difficult to find and the most rewarding to have.

If I may switch gears here for a moment, the Greek word "agape" translates as "unconditional love," and it is the purest type of love there is. Agape describes the love God has for mankind and is the love that Christ demonstrated when he gave His life on the cross for us. Although a human cannot manifest the perfect and pure love of God, we can still love unconditionally. When you love someone unconditionally, it doesn't mean that you are perfect but it does mean that you put your mate's wants, needs, and desires above yours . . . not easy but doable.

Unconditional love is what I refer to as "home love." It is the type of love I remember from my childhood and I hope it is the type you remember, also. Home love is, I believe, the type of love everyone, whether they know it or not, is looking for. It is the type of love we all crave and need, and the type we should practice giving.

Lock Heart
Love Songs 2009
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You Must Give to Get

You've heard the phrase "It is better to give than to receive," whether you believe it is another story. If you agree with that famous motto you are further along in your pursuit to finding love. If you don't believe the statement, you've got a bit of work to do. It's important to have a giving mindset because, that's what you should be looking for in a mate. Therefore, how can you expect someone to give you what you're not willing to give?

In a relationship between two selfless people there will always be one person that invariably gives more than the other. Which person you are will surface during the relationship. I've been married almost twenty-five years and I consider my husband to be my soul mate and perfect match. Day after day, week after week, and year after year, he consistently demonstrates his unconditional and selfless love for me. I can say, from all our years together, that he gives more than I do and I'm lucky he doesn't expect me to match his actions. (This is not to say I don't also give and do things for him, I do, I just don't do as much as he does.) 

A few years before I met my husband, a family member set me up with a young man that was physically attractive but emotionally immature. He resembled Kenny Loggins (as he looked in the 80s) and I must admit that I was attracted to him. We went out a few times and he was my date for a work-related holiday party. I remember all my female co-workers lusting after him and it made me feel proud. But I found out this Loggins look-a-like was also proud . . . he was proud of the cute little aerobics instructor (not me) he was dating, he was proud of the pretty young waitress (not me) that he was dating, and he was proud of all the girls (including me) that he was dating. In short, this guy was not looking for love but for lust. His motto was, "It's better to receive than to give," and he was not interested in giving unconditional love to one person. Needless to say, that relationship ended immediately after I learned of the other women, but it also prepared me to recognize the right person when he came along. Thus, when I met my husband, I was ready to date an emotionally mature man, and I'm thankful to the Loggins look-a-like for being the wrong person who helped me find the right one.

Kenny Loggins - This Is It (Live On Fridays)

YouTube by ShoutFactoryMusic

The Right Place

So, are there right places to find love? Not really, but there are places that you're most likely to find the right love. Think about that for a moment. If you're looking for a spiritual mate then you will most likely meet this type of person in a place of worship, such as a church or synagogue. If physical appearance is important to you then you'll want to find someone that is active. To do this you should join a gym and other physically active groups (hiking, swimming, walking, running, etc.), and go to lots of sporting events (professional and non-professional).  If you're a bookworm and would enjoy someone with the same interest in reading, join book groups/clubs at your local library or bookstore. One of the best ways to meet a selfless person is to volunteer to help others. You will meet a lot of kind and generous folks who give of their time, talents, and themselves to help those less fortunate. Whatever you're interested in, there is probably some type of group, club, or a place to meet likeminded people.

Any place can be the right place to meet the right person and find love. It can happen through an accidental encounter, as it did with my husband and I. Or it can happen through a deliberate encounter, such as a dating service, blind date, or at a singles event. The truth is, the right place means the right mindset. You've got to be ready to find love. I didn't say desperate, I said ready. That means you must know what you want in a person and be ready to give those very same things . . . and more.

While you are single, work on yourself and join the clubs or groups that appeal to your interests. You will meet lots of people and you must give yourself plenty of time to get to know individuals who show an interest in you, even if there is no initial "spark." What you may find is a diamond in the rough that eventually turns out to be your true love.

Heart

Find More Interesting Articles Here

Should Women Date Bad Boys

Older Men - Younger Women: Trophies for the Self-Indulgent Male

Marry Me . . . Ways to Propose

Love - spelled in Spanish

 

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Comments

Jun 12, 2014 8:11am
JeffHolmquist
Very nice, Deb! That's a class touch to put the Loggins video in. Yes, beyond any shadow of a doubt his best song - that haunting, spooky (to me) song always carried maximum soul.

Kenny, kind of embodies a "one gal to another" demeanor in this live presentation.

As a widower (ten years ago), I went to internet dating, and there are so many stories. Currently, I've had a 6 year relationship, that has featured four break-ups - by her, not me! Lol! This is a lady that's five years older than me.

If you abide by "a man's pride", by all rights, you wouldn't return, would you? It's the darnedest thing. No, lust isn't the reason. But I go by an 'existential" reality type of discernment.

When you're apart, what does it mean, and what does that person mean, by comparison to temporary others? Is it optimum? No. But does it "work"? Pretty well.

I think you can tell from most of my stories that I'm a "would be" romantic, or "pseudo romantic". Lol! lol!
Jun 12, 2014 11:30am
Introspective
Thanks for your comment. Companionship is very important, and for many who've already experienced love, it's a nice thing to have. If your relationship "works," then more power to you. Thanks again!
Jun 16, 2014 10:19am
JeffHolmquist
Hi Deb,

You inspired me to check out "This Is It" (the song). (I'm crazy. I do stuff like that. That's how I wrote 2300 words on one song, "Sukiyaki") "This Is It" always seemed mystical to me. Here's the story:

Kenny Loggins spoke to American Songwriter magazine November/December 1987 about this song: "The best musical statements are usually the ones that aren't calculated and the ones that come out in the largest chunks. Michael McDonald and I must have written 'This Is It' four times. The first three times it was a love song, 'Baby I this, baby I that…,' and we both said, 'Eh! This is boring. This song is not working as a love song.'

Then I had a fight with my dad when he was going into the hospital because he gave me the feeling that he was ready to check out. He'd given up, he wasn't thinking in terms of the future, and I was so pissed at him. It was real emotional. That afternoon, I was meeting with Michael to work on new tunes and I walked in and said, 'Man, I got it. It's "This Is It".' And Michael said, 'This is it?' I said, 'Trust me. This is it.' But that one took a while.

And then one review said it was your average boy-girl song and the writer didn't understand why people were making such a big deal out of it. The fact of the matter was, he didn't understand the song and it didn't move him because he wasn't in a situation to be moved. But immediately after that, I got a letter from a girl who had just recently gotten out of the hospital from a life-and-death situation and that was her anthem. She was holding onto it. That means so much more to me. She hadn't read the press about my father or anything. All she knew was that the song was on the nose for her, exactly what Michael and I intended. That makes you feel like you're doing something important."
Jun 17, 2014 9:43am
Introspective
Wow! Very interesting, thanks!
Jul 3, 2014 5:46am
janeybird
Jul 3, 2014 5:48am
janeybird
Whoops, that was a smiley and it turned out some kind of characters, anyway, thumbs up!
Jul 3, 2014 11:24am
Introspective
Thanks so much, janeybird!
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