Romantic Relationships: Are you in the Right one?


9 Questions to Ask in Order to Find Out

 By: J. Marlando


As every mature person knows, serious romantic relationships are…well, serious. This is why when especially teens jump into the sack together or begin talking about marriage before their life’s experiences prepare them for such responsibilities that sensible parents and others howl against such alliances. Indeed, around 50% of adult couples end up splitting up and I’d guess another 25% simply end up living “aptly” ever after so what chance do a couple of adolescents have to build a lasting, loving and secure life together?

Okay, anyone with common sense, will agree with the observations made in the above but that doesn’t mean that every grownup makes correct relationship choices either. A few thousand single moms will attest to that and the divorce statistics will confirm it. (I have admitted many times in these articles about marriage and relationships that I was no doubt the worst candidate for marriage until I was nearly 40 years old. That reversed long ago but the point is, it’s vital to know you before getting romantically entangled with another human).

One unhappy-maker is that most everyone desires to mate and nest. There has always been a lot of controversy about our kind’s natural mating/nesting drives. Indeed, the question that asks, are human beings promiscuous, polyandrous, monogamous or polygamous has been asked countless times? And the correct answer is…yes!

It is ordinarily the taboos and totems of one’s culture that dictates the mores and moralities of marriage. For example, in America, the Latter Day Saints (Mormons) advocated polygamous marriage which was nobody’s business but their own. Yet, “the U.S. leadership” resisted and outlawed their pursuit of happiness.  

In our country (The U.S.A.) promiscuity belongs to a long list of taboos especially for married couples—cheating (having extramarital affairs) is deemed a crime against decency and sincerity. The Forbes study by Karlyn Bowman is probably the most accurate: She tells us that only 3% or 4% of married couples have sexual partners besides their spouses in any given year; that up to 18% of every married person has had a sexual partner other than their spouses while married. In regard to these statistics, a recent poll concluded that 80% of Americans believe that extramarital relationships are wrong. (This is a far cry than the statistics of the 1960s and 70s).

There is no statistic, however, that tells us how many husbands and wives are dissatisfied in their marriage bed.

It is not only younger people who marry the wrong person of course—for one thing, it is very well known that people courting are typically on their best behaviors. No one can really know anyone until they have lived with them for two or three years. Since this is the case, how the heck can a person know he or she is marrying Mr. or Mrs. Right before that walk down the aisle to the altar?

The rest of this article is devoted to answering this very question.

Finding Out if your Mate is the Right one For You

A myth of marriage that needs to be left by the wayside is that married people share a lot of the same interests—it happens, but seldom, and it never happens with equal enthusiasm in any case. Loving to do things together basically diminishes within the first year of marriage.

The wife or husband who states something like, I just don’t know what happened to us because before we got married we loved DOING everything together, is generally mistaken. Men and women going together love BEING together and the DOING is simply a way of assuring this.

After marriage couples are together most of the time and so doing together does not hold the same importance.

Here are ten questions to ask to be sure that you’re in the right relationship—honest answers are essential but also answers based on sincere considerations.

Will I be able to support my mate in whatever he or she likes to do on his or her own?

Let’s say your wife or husband loves to play tennis…camp…paint pictures…see stage plays…visit with relatives…will you be able to be the good ally and cheer your mate on even though you have no interest in his or her interest?


YES  ( )   NO ( )

Will I be able to love and care for my mate even through the worst debilitating illnesses?

We live in the hope that we stay healthy and our mate’s do too but we all live in the same world of uncertainty so people can get sick or injured and sometimes quite seriously. Will your mate be able to count on you no matter what happens?

YES ( )   NO ( )

Will I be able to give my mate room to grow?

People sometimes make mistakes, do and say dumb things; talk about stuff they don’t know much about and fail in their attempts to accomplish. Will your mate be able to count on you to respond with tolerance and encouragement during such times as opposed to judgment and arrogance?

YES ( )   NO ( )

Will I be able to remain devoted to my mate during financial crisis?

Few married couples are fortunate enough to go through a lifetime of togetherness without facing financial crisis of one kind or another. Will your mate be able to depend on you to stay steadfast and consistently committed to him or her even during the worst of debt and poverty while holding to the wisdom that teaches you to fight the problems and not each other?

YES ( )   NO ( )

Will I be able to remain patient even in the wake of my mate’s idiosyncrasies?

Sometimes it is the little things that couples turn into major problems of their relationship…like each other’s idiosyncrasies and we all have them. Will your mate be able to depend on you to be tolerant and so understanding of his or her thinking and feelings peculiar to him or herself?

YES ( )   NO ( )

Will I be able to remain loving even when my mate becomes unloving?

We all have times of crankiness and irritation; times when we need our own space. Will your mate be able to depend on you to disengage, giving him or her the freedom to simply be and to relinquish your dependency on your mate to make you the center of the relationship by giving your mate the gift of your silence as opposed to your lecture and opinion?      

YES ( )  NO ( )

Will I be able to free my mate from the false responsibility of being the cause and effect of my happiness or unhappiness?

Can you surrender the belief that somehow your mate is responsible for your contentment and joy; it simply is not the job of our mates to take away our dissatisfactions in life. Our “work” as sincere mates is to do what we can to relieve as much of our mate’s pain and heal as many of his or her wounds we can that daily life inflicts on all of us but, at the same time, remembering that happiness and contentment is the sole responsibility of the self. Can you live your life of togetherness in this realization?

YES ( )   NO ( )

Will I be able to simply be nice to my mate regardless of circumstances?

Husbands and wives too often forget to be nice to each other or even show one another common courtesies of politeness and respect. The two most ordinary betrayals are to name call and blame. Will you be able to refrain from doing either at all times and in all situations?

YES ( )   NO ( )

Will you be able no matter what the future produces to love your mate…unconditionally?

Unconditionally means no matter what. Are you capable of loving your mate in this way?

YES ( )   NO ( )



You no doubt noticed that none of the above questions were addressed to your mate. One of the most common trouble-making assumptions in relationships is that one’s partner is responsible for making the togetherness all that it should be. However, your lasting, loving and secure relationship is dependent on what you do and should NEVER be based on a “fair-share” scale for even the duty of caring. Your effort must evolve from your own caring and not ever count on how your mate's actions or reactions. The childish lifestyle that states I won’t play in your sandbox if you don’t play in mine belongs to countless couples who either end in divorce or living unhappily ever after. Conscientiousness is NEVER a deal, it is a personal ethic!

And so, if you answered any of the above questions with a “no,” you are not in the right relationship!

Can you change this?

Absolutely--Change your answers through your own human actions!

If you enjoyed this article you should enjoy The Great Secrets of a Happy,  FUN Marriage      CLICK HERE

 or The Secrets of Growing a Loving and Happy Marriage  CLICK HERE