Who would you pick?
When Dave leaves
who should host?
After I wrote my 5 Women to Replace Letterman article, it dawned on me that CBS might want to choose a man to replace Dave.
Sure, I read all kinds of articles, rumours, posts, and commentary about who CBS is considering. And my heart broke completely to learn that Stephen Colbert is the main man they want.
I painstakingly came up with my own picks - and intentionally placed Stephen Colbert third (hoping that he won't get chosen). I love you too much in character on The Report to see you in another light Stephen.
So, let's get to it.
5. Neil Patrick Harris
also referred to as simply NPH
We know he can host, sing, and dance. He has incredible comedic timing and has a knack for engaging audiences in live productions. (He's hosted the Tony awards four times).
Neil Patrick Harris is a solid, accomplished entertainer who was even awarded a Golden Globe for his lead role as Doogie Howser, M.D. A role he began on his 16th birthday.
From what I read in The Hollywood Reporter, regarding Dave's job, NPH mentioned being a "big fan of CBS and Les [Moonves], so who knows?" Yet he added, "It would be an asinine amount of work."
Well, he has 3-year old twins, so I'm thinking he's not going to have an ounce of energy left to host the Late Show the way both he (and we?) might expect. Really, NPH, our standards aren't that high.
Up next, enjoy a short clip of his possible affliction with hosting gigs.
2013 NPH Emmys Skit
"Excessive Hosting Disorder"
4. Robin Williams
We know he's show-stopping hilarious and he's proven himself in numerous movies to be a serious dramatic actor as well.
My man-servant believes Robin Williams is just too talented and would remain the center of attention. But I disagree. I think he's gracious enough to let others shine and bring out the best in his guests. Plus I think folks would tune in to hear his monologue alone.
Would he do it? Or is he even being considered? Don't know, but I'm certain he'd raise the bar for all the other late night talk show hosts (and their monologues).
Enjoy this short clip from BBC America where Robin discusses his Oscar win (and oops). An added bonus is Elijah Wood imitating Jack Nicholson.
He can entertain with so few words
3. Stephen Colbert
But where will I get the scoop on US politics?
Yes, I'd pretty much pull a Drew Barrymore for Stephen (but no one else). I know he's rumoured to be the top man for the job - but I don't like it one bit.
Where else are we Canadians going to get the facts about US politics? And Stephen, your endorsements of Prescott Pharmaceuticals always keeps me "in-the-know" about American medical breakthroughs.
Truth be known folks, I was saving up to purchase Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 (with the stipulation that it must be refrigerated). I was willing to pay extra, Stephen. Why I'd choose Formula 401 over Formula 402? Well, I've gone gluten-free and there's xanthan gum in Formula 401 (plus, it's less risky - according to unnamed sources).
Yes, folks, I want to have Stephen Colbert's love child (before it's too late - I'm in my 40's here).
If they offer it to you, Stephen, I beg you don't do it. If you accept . . remember you can always quit (or do something to get fired - I don't care). I'm even willing to offer up fellow Canadian (from my hometown) Mike Myers as second pick.
Stephen Colbert is even well-versed
in Canadian politics (and my hometown, Toronto)
2. Mike Myers
Mike Myers appeals to an international audience - Canadians, Europeans, and Americans. He's in the good books with all kinds of Hollywood stars.
As much as he enjoys goofing around, he can pay tribute to anyone (deserving) in the sincerest manner. Plus just think of all the SNL characters he's done. His monologues would be so varied you'd always be wondering what he'll do next.
As an interviewer, I think he'd be great shooting the breeze with all sorts of upcoming talent - especially Canadians. And don't you think most Americans crave more Canadian comedy? Since Rob Ford put us on the map, you must be kinda curious.
Early on, Mike Myers hosted his own Wayne's World talk show right out of Scarborough. In fact, my brothers played hockey in that same arena on Birchmount Road. So you see, he's not new to hosting talk shows.
And speaking about being gracious, did you see him pay tribute to Sir Sean Connery? (I included a video of it further along, in case you missed it).
Just to show you that I'm not living in the '90s though, I realize Mike Myers is working on Shrek the Third. So, he'd probably refuse Dave's job anyway, but I just had to offer him up in place of Stephen Colbert.
Yes, I'm Canadian and biased (as many of you, ah-hem, some of, okaaay, two of you know), so I included more than one video of Mike Myers for your enjoyment.
Canadian Wayne's World: Mike Myers
Top five things he loves about Canada
Mike Myers tribute to Sean Connery
in a kilt at the AFI Life Achievement Awards
Mike Myers about Shrek the Third
1. Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart is the consummate professional at the late night gig. He'd certainly bring a loyal (and sizable) amount of fans with him - no worries there. My guess is that he'd love to have the CBS Orchestra to play around with on his show.
And really, Jon, don't you want to show 'em that a guy under 6' 2" can do a standing monologue on the Late Show? And imagine how your world will change having all that stage room (plenty of space to have Stephen Colbert drop by perform Daft Punk's 'Get Lucky').
Plus John Oliver already fills in for you on The Daily Show. All they have to do is drop the "Stewart" and add "Oliver" to the show's sign. Who's really gonna notice whether the "h" is there or not?
Up next, enjoy his brilliant interview skills when William Kristol was blabbering on (yeah, it was in 2009 - but I'm still appalled at the healthcare system in the US). Psst, yet another reason I should have Stephen Colbert's love child (I have Canadian healthcare).
Stewart doing what he does best
OMG, my man-servant just blurted out
"I haven't seen Colbert doing that Get Lucky song!"
Sorry, I wrote this before hearing the sad news
Whilst I was in the process of having my editor (cat) review my draft, I caught this headline: Stephen Colbert to replace David Letterman as The Late Show host
I was about to delete my article, but then I remembered that some contracts are not binding within the first 24 - 48 hours.
And really, I think Stephen would agree with me that contracts were made to be broken.
So publish I will - and hope they pick one of the other four mentioned in my article. Hope you agree with me and if you don't, well, okay then.
Jon Stewart Presents Earth (The Book)
A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race
Amazon Price: $27.99 $3.49 Buy Now
(price as of Apr 13, 2014)