SEVEN STEPS TO THE PATH OF SUPER JOY and WASHING AWAY THE HATE
By: J. Marlando
Most every human being has but a few basic desires—to be happy, to be content, and to be at peace with oneself and the world. As a result he generally seeks material gain to deliver these qualities to him. After all, it is as that intriguing old song from *Cabaret tells us, money makes the world go ‘round.
*Cabaret is the classic motion picture starring Liza Minnelli, Joel Gray and Michael York, directed by Bob Fosse in 1966 and based on the Broadway Musical by the same name. The story takes place in Berlin at the entrance of Nazi Germany and tells the story of Sally Bowels, an American artist.
Only a small minority have all the money they will ever need and yes, much more. In today’s world the truly wealthy are no longer millionaires but rather billionaires. Money of course is not the answer to human happiness or there would be no unhappy rich people. But then again, money is a fabrication of civilization and, as is all of civilization, it is an unnatural development, much akin to a plastic rock for the patio or synthetic grass for the front yard. It is all meaningless except for the meaning we give it.
Love, however, is something that belongs to us from the moment we are born. Little children possess unconditional love until it is taken away from them by their socialization. And so, from the time of our early socialization we become skeptics when it comes to simply loving and begin to attach strings to it—I’ll always love you…if.
In view of the above, I believe that it is safe to say that by at least the time that we are in our teens, our ability to love unconditionally has either diminished or been buried so deeply in our unconscious that we feel detached from it altogether. Nevertheless, love is more…much more than we typically think that it is. Dr. Larry Dossey tells us that empathetic connections expand both time and space. He says, “Empathy, compassion, and love seem to form a literal bond—a resonance or glue between living things.”
This is an interesting observation because the renowned physicist Fred Allan Wolf tells us that, “Love is the glue of the Universe.”
The very ancient text of the Bhagavad-Gita tells us, “Life is love and love is life.”
Dr. Bernie Siegel tells us that love heals and that it is physiologic.
Saint John of the Cross told us in the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone.
The entire message of Jesus was love.
My Grandmother was an old hill woman originally from Kentucky. She was virtually without formal education but she remains the most impressive philosopher I’ve ever known. When I was a child growing up, she used to tell me in a little poem she’d made up: “If you took love out of the plants, the plants would wither and die…if you took love out of the streams and rivers they would soon enough run dry…if you took love out of the stars they would fall from the sky.
When we take love out of ourselves, we too “wilt” or die in a metaphorical way. Indeed, in a physiological way our world actually dims; our physical health can wane and our (real) happiness simply goes away.
Deep seeded anger or resentment toward another or others can conjure hate in us. If someone has hurt us, disappointed us deeply or betrayed us in some way, we are apt to turn our feelings into hate for them. That hate does not affect them however it affects us by taking away our primal desire to be happy, content and at peace with the world. Indeed, as long as we hate something or someone, we are not at peace even with ourselves.
After all, isn’t it true that most typically when we think of those who have wronged us in some way, those old hateful angers rise in us like fire from a volcano? In general these feelings are born out of feeling that someone has stolen something from you like your dignity, your love, your friendship, your trust and/or your happiness. Perhaps you were coerced into doing something that you didn’t want to do? Maybe you were neglected and feel cheated? No matter what the reason for your hate it is harmful…to…you!
As I have mentioned in other material I’ve written, the renowned surgeon Bernie S. Siegel was first to tell the world that “love is physiologic.” Well, hate is physiologic too. Indeed, I once interviewed one of the most foremost cancer specialists on the planet and he told me (privately) that “we all get cancers all the time and our immune systems simply toss them out. However, if the cancer arrives when we are in a hate mode or high anxiety or deeply rooted anger, our immune system may be working overtime on those states of being and so the cancer has space to settle in.” The famous neuroscientist Candace Pert has said that all illness is merely our brain state being reflected in our bodies. If you hate someone today, you are not changing a hair on the hated object’s head but you are making (negative) changes in yourself. Hate after all only works like a boomerang and never an arrow.
But how do you stop hating?
I will tell you exactly how and it will work for you if you practice what I am about to say.
ONE: Go to the mirror today and every day for a week or so and think back to all your own regrets and those things that give you feelings of self-hate and anger. Then, look at your image being reflected back at you and say—I love you and I forgive you. Do you best to mean it but even if you don’t you will begin to in time.
This is vital to your well-being and to your path back to super joy!
Why this is so important is because you cannot give what you do not have and you can only forgive others to the extent that you forgive yourself.
TWO: After you feel absolutely happy with yourself find a comfortable chair to relax in. and think of the person you hate and remember what he or she did to you. Now then, doing your best to keep their image in your head, say to yourself, I love you and I forgive you.
This can be very difficult if your hate has been festering for a long time but do it anyway. And again, do this for a few days or until you actually feel the hate leaving you…and you eventually will. If you hate more than one person, repeat this process for every one of the hate objects in your life.
You will soon begin to feel a weight lifted from you and you will actually feel lighter physically.
THREE: Even after you have succeeded with steps one and two of the above, hate can be very consistent and pop back into your mind for a while. If this should happen to you, locate the “feelings” of that hate and say in a powerful command—get out of my body…I command all hate and hatefulness to leave my body once and for all and you will absolutely feel those “unhappy-makers” leaving! (This goes for deep seated anger too by the way).
Oh yes, I am well aware that this can sound a little fanatical, crazy or overly zealous to some readers but I tell you this has worked for others and so there is no reason why it should not work for you as well.
There were always skeptics in the crowd when I used to speak on this topic because lots of people feel that they are condemned by their hating to hate. And, there are some people who do not want to forgive. I have heard virtually countless times people saying things such as, I will hate so-in-so until my dying day…why should I forgive him or her…I really can’t help my hating him or her, he or she just hurt me too deeply or wronged me too many times, etc. What this is actually saying is that I am a prisoner of my hate. What they are really thinking, however, is that they do not want to forgive the hated object. They want to hold on to their anger and anguish (both properties of hate) because they are convinced that somehow there is a payload of satisfaction in the mental/emotional activity when there is only anxiety to be gained. Hate, however, is a trickster, he makes the hater feel a sense of power in his or her hatefulness but all along he is enslaving him or her to it.
Hate also is likened to love in that both work much akin to candle light. That is, candle light gives off a glow and those who walk into that glow experience its light. This very experience can be said about love as well, as love creates an aura of the sweet and the positive. Hate also has an aura but an aura of the sour and the negative. Both affects the unconscious of all those who enter their space, so to speak ever as much as entering the glow of a candle affects a person’s perspective.
The only way to ever be victorious over hate is through forgiveness. The hated object has probably long forgotten you and the incident anyway. And if not, your hate does not in the least affect the hated objects life whatsoever. Let’s say that for some reason you hate your own father and refuse to see or speak to him. Your silence might or might not punish him but the vast odds are that you, at one level of consciousness or another, will be paying a much heavier price. After all, if he has truly been cruel or really has done something despicable, you are all the wiser to simply forgive and let loose, than to hate and hold on…
Holding on to your hate is, in the long run, holding on to your unhappiness. Indeed, **Valarie Seeman tells us this: I look at disease as a “wake-up” call to get our attention. Everything the body/mind does is to keep us comfortable and to preserve our lives. A woman came to a Kalos seminar with a cyst on her uterus. She found out that she was holding on to many hurts; blame, anger, resentment and hatred which accumulated in her uterus. Testing her body revealed that she was carrying around unresolved emotions from her past marriage. The hatred for her ex-husband became directed at all men and interfered with other male relationships. What her body was telling her was; she needed to forgive her ex-husband, not for his benefit, but for her own.
**Moreton, N.D., Valarie Seeman* A New Day in Healing * A Kalos Publication
It doesn’t matter if the reader believes or disbelieves Valarie’s cause for the lady’s symptoms (although I do). What matters is to realize that hate harms while love heals.
There is what is often called secrets of bringing super joy into our lives but this will never happen as long as we hate…anything! Hate at any level is a deterrent to inner-peace which accompanies “super joy.”
What is super joy?
Super joy is different than happiness in that happiness is fleeting. Joy, for that matter, is fleeting but what we call super joy is a constant—called “super” because it transcends ordinary reality. Ordinary or daily reality is never without both negative and positive experiences. Super joy does not waver, change or diminish in the wake of either because it responds to both with equal acceptance that things, simply are as they are. Super joy is not subject to extreme highs and lows because its character is one of unconditional love. Unconditional love is all encompassing and consistent—it cannot be hurt, broken, rejected or taken away. It is as vast as universal space and, at the same time, can fit upon the point of a pin; it is a door of the heart that is never shut and a window of the mind that is never closed forever mirroring the Jesus/Buddha nature in human action.
This does not come easy for most people, not even those who truly want to walk the path of unconditional love and so super joy. More often than not they have to strive toward that particular inner-light because the exterior world is so filled with noise and chaos; demands and obligations. Super joy is not about retreating from the world but rather being like a river running through it—all rivers have destinations but they take the easiest route to reach them and simply go around all obstacles that stand in their way; they are at peace with the world!
There are seven steps to obtaining Super joy for those who really want it.
ONE: Walk in forgiveness today: Leave all old hateful memories by the wayside by forgiving all those that have hurt or harmed you.
TWO: Walk in tolerance today: Refuse to judge yourself by others or others by yourself.
THREE: Walk in compassion today: Realize that every stranger, rich and poor, male and female, friend and relative are you only in different circumstances and that their differences are only apparent.
FOUR: Walk in understanding today: Permit yourself to become both teacher and student with all those you greet; practice listening to others without opinion.
FIVE: Walk in kindness today: Follow the ancient wisdom of treating others as you would be treated.
SIX: Walk in appreciation today: Slow down now and then. Take the time to know that you are touching, that you are seeing, that you are smelling, that you are tasting and that you are hearing and practice being mindful of all things.
SEVEN: Walk in unconditional love today and all the above steps will unfold quite naturally.
With these seven steps in mind you can begin to celebrate your live and living it again so love, peace and super joy to you.