One of the biggest fears women have when it comes to online dating is messaging back and forth with a guy, getting a good feeling about him, agreeing to a meet up and then learning he’s nothing like who he said he was online.
Sure, men have this fear as well, but it generally relates to slightly more surface concerns —the women they meet up with will look different than they appear in their pictures. This is a valid concern, of course, but it isn’t quite as serious as the sorts of lies (and the potential for personal harm) women might face when they meet a guy online.
However, not every concern women have when it comes to meeting men online is that serious.
One of the biggest concerns women have about meeting men online is that they’re going to meet a great guy who lied about his age in his profile, more often than not by saying he’s younger than he actually is.
Is lying about your age a serious breach of trust and a big red flag that you shouldn’t see this guy again? Or is it not really that big a deal when it comes down to it?
What’s the worst that could happen?
To answer this question, you really need to fear some worst-case scenarios related to this particular lie. What is the worst thing that could happen with a man’s profile saying he’s younger than he actually is?
I’ll give you a minute to think about this question, but I’m pretty sure you aren’t going to come up with anything particularly damning.
A woman lying about how she looks online may sound less serious but it can have a disastrous impact on whether a man finds that woman attractive or not, which is a big element of every romantic connection.
But a man lying about his age but otherwise appearing and acting and representing everything he puts in his profile? Well…that doesn’t really change much of anything.
Think about it this way. If you met a man in person and he said he was 28 and the two of you hit it off, hooked up, went on a couple of dates and seemed to have the potential for a really serious connection, would you then freak out if you found out a week or two in that he was actually 31?
Probably not. So why the double standard with online dating?
What else is he hiding?
I don’t think women are as concerned about the actual number of birthdays a man has had as much as what that might indicate about him. For example, a woman might think a 30-something man is looking for a different type of relationship than a 20-something man.
A woman might think a man who lies about being in his 40s might also be lying about having kids, being divorced or maybe even being married.
It isn’t the lying about the age that bothers a woman. It’s the concern he’s hiding a lot of other things about his life, the sorts of things that older men often might feel like they need to hide that could seriously impact the shape of a relationship.
This is a valid and legitimate concern. If you realize a man lied about his age, do a little digging to make sure that’s all he lied about.
But if a man shaved or added a couple years to his age but is otherwise the wonderful person with the compatible life you thought he was, then you shouldn’t make a big deal about it.